


Falling Up

by Asexual_Ravioli



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Office, F/F, Modern Era, Polyamory, past polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-08-20 03:43:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 47,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8234905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asexual_Ravioli/pseuds/Asexual_Ravioli
Summary: Mikasa Ackerman is thrown into the working world as a secretary in a large office in the heart of Trost. Will she be able to resist the draw of her smoking hot boss? Probably not. This should be fun.





	1. Secretary

What do you say

about becoming, with me,

part of some flowing water.

-Machi Tawara, _Salad Anniversary_

 

“I thought I’d be doing more… behind-the-scenes stuff, I guess?” Mikasa said as Hanji shoved a pile of papers into her hands.

“Well,” Hanji said. “It doesn’t seem to have worked out that way. Sorry.” Hanji didn’t look sorry. She was leaving to work on some research grant and left the temp worker to be secretary in her stead. Mikasa was even asked to start a whole month early, not really expecting to begin until November. “Oh!” Hanji said. “Please take good care of Sunny and Bean for me!”

“What?”

“The cacti,” Hanji said, pointing at two prickly plants sitting on the corner of Mikasa’s desk. The desk teemed with stacks of loose papers, files, and crumpled post-its which threatened to force the cactuses off the desk. “They don’t need much water, so whenever you remember.”

“Yeah… Okay.”

“You’ll do great, kid.” And with that Hanji was gone, leaving Mikasa to an already ringing phone.

“Sure…” Mikasa stared at the phone warily, then picked it up. “Leonhardt Synthetics. This is Mikasa. How can I help you?”

The office was a spacious one, high up in a skyscraper in the heart of Trost. There must have been fifty employees all droning diligently in their cubicles. Mikasa’s day bumped along with her learning by trial and error how to transfer calls and put clients on hold. By lunchtime she was a natural at it, leaving behind the moments where she accidentally hung up on callers.

At lunchtime she took up a table in the breakroom. Several small tables were lined up. Certainly not enough to fit fifty people, she thought. The place was incredibly clean, incredibly opposed to Hanji’s little desk of nightmares.

Mikasa sat eating her fried peanut butter and banana sandwich, wondering at how exactly she’d gotten here. Trost University had stuffed her full of dreams, but a creative writing degree was a joke in retrospect. So, Leonhardt Synthetics. Plastics and whatever. Definitely not the worst place to be, but it left a bit of sour taste in her mouth even as she ate. She knew this wasn’t where she belonged.

Suddenly a woman burst into the breakroom, taking Mikasa so much by surprise that she actually jumped a little. “Whoa!” the woman said. “What’s that smell? Is it you?”

“Sasha,” a man behind her scolded. “Don’t go scaring away the fresh meat.”

“It _is_ you!” the woman said excitedly. She slammed her hands on Mikasa’s table, and bent to sniff the food further. “Banana… and peanut butter! But it looks—it looks… fried?!” She picked up the triangle Mikasa hadn’t eaten yet and inhaled deeply. “Amazing!”

“Um…” said Mikasa, not certain of what to do.       

“Sasha, don’t be such a dumbass,” the man said. “Touching other people’s food. Look at the lady, she’s terrified.”

“Connie, she’s fine. Sorry about the touching,” she said as she set the sandwich back down. “I’m Sasha, the human resources robot.”

“And I’m Connie, the accounting android,” the man said as he rubbed nervously at his close-cropped hair.

“Mikasa, apparent secretary cyborg.”

“Excellent!” Connie said.

“Then you’ll fit in great with the rest of us droids!” Sasha said as she unloaded her own lunch onto the table. It consisted of what looked like a Scooby Doo sandwich piled massively high with meat and cheese. Connie sat down with her and pulled out a humble salad while Sasha produced four cans of Coke from who knows where.

“Sash, I dunno how you don’t die after every time you eat one of those. The Coke’s no good either,” Connie said.

“Whatever, Con. At least I have good enough taste to not stuff _leaves_ in my face.”

“Alright. I just hope you share your beverages. And about my _leaves,_ it seems as if they’ve been cleared of the chicken I added in this morning.”

“How mysterious,” Sasha grinned. “Perhaps you shouldn’t have left your leaves unguarded while you went to the bathroom.”

“What I’m supposed to take my salad into the bathroom now? Two minutes! I must have been out of the kitchen for two minutes and you vulture yourself all over my lunch!”

“All’s fair in food and war,” Sasha said.

“I guess,” Connie mumbled, but he didn’t look too unhappy anymore.

“So you two live together?” Mikasa ventured.

“Sssh! Not officially out to the office,” Connie said in a stage whisper.

“Yeah,” Sasha said. “We really gotta clear this with HR.”

“Clear what?” boomed a woman’s voice from the doorway. “You guys are out as fuck,” she said. Standing there was a tall, freckled woman with rich, black hair. Shadowing her was a meek, little blonde woman standing at what must have been under five feet tall.

“Well put as always, Ymir,” Connie laughed.

Sasha put on her best HR voice as she said, “Ms. Ymir, that language will not be tolerated at a fine, family-oriented company such as Leonhardt Synthetics. It’s just fucking rude.”

“I admire your ability to talk shit as you simultaneously stuff carbohydrates into your face,” Ymir said with a smirk.

“Thank you,” Sasha said as she stuffed more sandwich into her mouth. “I am very talented.

“Who’s this?” Ymir asked, jerking her thumb toward Mikasa.

“I’m Mikasa. The new temp,” she answered for herself.

The small blonde woman had by then snuck past Ymir and was setting up her lunch: an apple, rice cakes, and carrot sticks with ranch. “So you’re Hanji’s replacement,” she said.

“Right. She trained me for about three minutes before running off to destroy the world. It was… intense.”

“I bet,” Ymir said. She crashed into a chair next to her little friend who cleared her throat and quietly identified herself as Historia. Mikasa could feel the sunshine radiating from her smile.

“Nice to meet you,” Historia said. “I guess Hanji finally got that research grant she was going on about, huh?”

“And on and on,” Connie laughed. “But she deserves it. None of us should be slaving away here,” Connie said.

“Not that bad, is it?” Mikasa asked.

“It’s just doing this almost every day for what, three years now? It gets tedious,” Sasha sighed.

“Good God,” Connie said. “You’ve been here three years? That means I’ve been here five. Stupid purgatory.”

“Try working sales with me and Historia,” Ymir said. “Pretending to be happy and well-adjusted on top of working eight hour days. Hell on Earth. Of course,” Ymir paused, “Historia’s actually beaming with genuine joy 24/7, so it’s not so hard for her.” This made Historia giggle, causing Ymir to roll her eyes in mock exasperation.

“Maybe you’d be happier if you actually packed a lunch to eat,” Historia said.

“Whatevs. Gimme some of those rice cakes. God, these things are just spawned of… air and sadness.” She bit into one and grimaced. “Completely awful.”

“So,” Mikasa said. “Who exactly is the boss around here?”

“Head honcho is Annie Leonhardt,” Connie said through a mouthful of salad. “AKA Ms. Plastic. Then there’s Bertholdt Hoover and Reiner Braun, but they mainly supervise the factory.”

“And that means Annie Leonhardt is basically our boss?” Mikasa asked.

“Yep,” said Sasha. “Our very own Queen of Mean.”

“She’s just a little abrasive sometimes,” Historia said.

Ymir laughed. “And there you have it: if Historia says something even a little bit mean of a person that means it’s true. Very true.”

“Well,” Historia said softly, “I don’t think anyone’s ever seen Ms. Leonhardt so much as smile.”

“They say it’s the last thing you see before you die,” Connie said.

“Where is she now?” Mikasa asked.

“Dunno,” Connie said.

“She just dips out for days at a time,” said Ymir. “It’s weird.”

“Yeah,” Sasha said. “No explanation.”

They talked some more as they ate their lunches. Ymir and Connie talked about football for awhile. Mikasa tuned this out and concentrated on her food. She was usually one to sit back and watch conversations unfold. And the day was going well. It looked like she had already made some friends. Soon Ymir took a quick look at her watch and whistled. “Time to hit the grind again.”

Mikasa checked her own watch. “But we just barely started lunch.”

“Ah, well, we got hella quotas to fill here,” Ymir responded.

“Yeah,” said Historia. “We gonna bounce.”

“Hey, that’s my line!” Ymir laughed.

And so Mikasa got back to work answering questions about plastics that she mostly didn’t know the answers to. She wrote her questions down on post-its and soon acquired a great collection lined up neatly across her desk. She wondered if she’d end up making as big a mess as Hanji had. She fingered one of the ink stains marring the desktop. No, she thought. That’s probably not possible.

Possible, she thought again. How is this possible? She looked at the ink-stained desk and turned to see the cubicles behind her. _I’m here?_ she asked herself. _I can’t be here. Just a few years ago I was…at the top_. Mikasa didn’t brag much, but being valedictorian of her high school was never something she’d stop being proud of. Top of her class in high school and no small fish at her university, Mikasa was accustomed to her own excellence. To be working here was… subpar. _It’s only temporary_ , she thought, but the thought drained her. _I just gotta make it through today_ , she thought. _Today, and then sleep, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, and on. But right now, it’s just today._

She sighed and looked at the clock. Almost five. The phone was ringing now, three lines occupied at once. She’d juggle these three calls, then call it quits. The first call was about switching insurance providers. No thanks. The second was a question that was clearly for sales. The last call was from someone at the factory. It was difficult and technical, and made her scrawl her questions rapidly onto still more post-it notes.

While she waded through that call, a woman walked into the office. She was diminutive, with pale blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail and bangs falling over her right eye. Her hands were shoved into the front pocket of her grey Trost University hoodie, and the knees of her jeans were stained with grass.

“Just a minute, miss,” Mikasa said to the woman. She finished up her call several minutes later. The blonde haired woman had walked to the window and took to boredly staring out at the buildings beyond for the rest of Mikasa’s call. “Um, can I help you, miss?” Mikasa asked tentatively.

The woman brushed her bangs out of her eyes and turned to stare at Mikasa for a moment. Mikasa felt a chill go down her spine. She couldn’t explain it to herself. Those blue eyes were like an arctic ocean, cutting and bitter cold.

“Yes, well,” the woman said. “I see you’re all settled in here. Your name again?”

“Uh… Mikasa Ackerman. And you’re…?”

The woman sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “Annie Leonhardt. Pleasure.”

 


	2. Expectations

In the undergrowth

There dwells a Bloath

Who feeds upon poets and tea.

Luckily I know this about him

While he knows almost nothing of me.

-Shel Silverstein, “The Bloath”

 

“Oh!” Mikasa said. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Ms. Leonhardt, I—“

“It’s fine. Really.” She shrugged. “And don’t call me Ms. Leonhardt. Annie is fine.”

“Okay…”

“Wait here,” Annie said and walked over to the door that Mikasa assumed led to her office. Annie unlocked it and disappeared inside for a moment. She came out with a huge stack of files and dropped them on Mikasa’s desk. “File these in the back, please. And there are a few more of these piled in my office. Actually we’ll need the contents of the files in the back cabinets right now shredded. You know where the shredder is?”

“Um... yes, I think so.” Mikasa glanced at the clock. Crap.

“Is there a problem?” Annie asked coldly.

“No. I’ll take care of this right away.” Mikasa wasn’t one to complain about her work, but that didn’t mean she had to like it.

“Good,” Annie said. Mikasa watched her walk swiftly back into her office and close the door.

“Ooh, that’s rough,” a voice over her shoulder said. It was Ymir leaning up against a cubicle wall. “You’ll be here for hours.”

“Ha. Yeah, I guess. So that was, uh, our boss?”

“Yup. Doesn’t look like it, but she cleans up nicely when she needs. Even keeps a spare suit in her office.”  
“I see.”

“Well, I’m outta here. Have fun.”

“See yah.” Mikasa sighed and began tidying her desk. She was nothing like Hanji: when it came to organization Mikasa was fairly meticulous. She watched her coworkers leave. Ymir followed by Historia, with Connie and Sasha wishing her farewell together. Dozens walked through the door, ready for dinner, family, and rest. It was just her and the boss now. Already the sky was darkening, autumn becoming winter.

She went to the back where huge filing cabinets lined the wall. The shredder, a real industrial behemoth, was in the corner. Mikasa pressed a button and it hummed to life. She checked her watch again. Dinner would be far off tonight. She thought about calling Armin and Eren to tell them she’d be late, but it’s not like they’d be waiting up for her. Her roommates had their own busy lives to attend to. Armin would probably be working a late night at his IT job, and Eren would be off hitting the town. It was Friday, Mikasa remembered somewhat sadly.

The hours slowly ticked by. At around 8:30 she sensed someone behind her.

“I ordered food,” Annie said. “Chinese. I figured you didn’t expect to bring a dinner.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“It should be here soon. Is kung pao chicken okay?”

“Yes, that’s good.”

Twenty minutes later Mikasa was still filing when she sensed Annie’s presence again. She held two brown bags that Mikasa could smell from where she stood. “Breakroom,” Annie said and walked away.

When Mikasa got to the breakroom she saw that Annie had already unloaded most of the food.

“I’m starving,” Annie said with a small smile. It made Mikasa wonder. Hadn’t Historia said they’d never seen their boss smile? And here was Mikasa witnessing it on her first day. Maybe the others were wrong?

“Mikasa,” Annie said, startling her out of her thoughts. “I want you to know I won’t usually do this to you. Making you stay late, I mean.”

“Ah! It’s no problem, really.”

“Of course it is. You’re young, it’s Friday. This sucks.”

“You say that as if you’re not young.”

“We need plates,” Annie said suddenly. She got up and looked through the cabinets until she found the paper plates. “Here,” she said giving one to Mikasa. “I’m not young,” she said with finality. “I’m 26.”

“That’s old?” Mikasa asked as she spooned chicken onto her plate.

“I feel ancient,” Annie said.

“I’m 22. Will I feel like that in 4 years?” She took a bite of chicken and waited for Annie to respond.

“You might,” she sighed. “Do you like it?”

“Yes, it’s very good.”

“I knew you’d like it. That’s why I didn’t ask what you’d want. I’m very good at ordering food for other people.”

“I guess so!”

“Of course, kung pao chicken isn’t much of a risk. Maybe I should have ordered the fried bullfrog?”

“I’m not so sure about that,” Mikasa laughed.

“Well this place has a huge menu. I mean ridiculous. And the fried bullfrog is right next to the star-crossed lovers pork.”

“Seriously? Star-crossed?”

“Yes. That’s what I’m having now. It doesn’t exactly remind me of Romeo and Juliet, but it’s good.”

“From forth the fatal loins of these two foes a pair of star-crossed lovers take their life,” Mikasa recited. “Hmm, I don’t seem to remember the rest though.”

“Still more than I remember… Ah, that’s right, isn’t it?” Annie said thoughtfully and looked at Mikasa for a moment. Mikasa wasn’t reminded this time of cold seas, but rather of eyes that had travelled far away and now looked upon someplace familiar. “The interviewer told me my new temp was a poet.”

Mikasa blushed. She remembered blathering on about Anne Sexton to the interviewer and was sure then that she wouldn’t be hired anywhere. _I guess I struck a chord_ , she thought.

“I can never understand what poets mean. Not that I’ve read any lately,” Annie mumbled.

“It’s hard sometimes,” Mikasa agreed. “I wonder how many of them don’t mean anything at all.”

“You don’t sound like someone who likes poetry.”

“Oh, I do. I just can’t reach their hearts sometimes.”

“Reach their hearts,” Annie said flatly.

“I mean they lived these whole lives beyond the page. They had their lovers, they drank their tea, and they went to bed at night, and woke up to write. How much of their hearts, and what pieces of them, did they put on the page? Where can I find them?”

“I think I understand,” Annie said. “You’re sort of… asking how representative their works were of their everyday lives.”

“Yes! That’s definitely part of it,” Mikasa said happily. It wasn’t often she found someone who she could speak so freely to. Even if this woman didn’t read poetry, she was understanding of what Mikasa was trying to say. When it came to her roommates, Armin was more of a math and science guy, and talking about poetry to Eren was like talking to a wet paper bag.

“So what’s your favorite poem?” Annie asked Mikasa.

“Hmm, my favorite?” Mikasa thought for a moment before saying, “Blue Garden by Dean Young. It has my favorite line. ‘A poem should be odd as a small cast-iron platypus.’”

“And what does that mean to you?” Annie asked.

“Well, by small I think Young means the poem should express what it needs to say with no extra frills or ornamentation. But it should be strong like cast-iron. And by platypus I believe he means it should be inherently strange.”

“I like that,” Annie said. “I like that a lot.”

They went on to talk about all sorts of poets. Even Shel Silverstein. Mikasa was surprised by how much Annie remembered from those children’s poems.

They were done with their meal now, and sat back with satisfaction. “I have to say,” Mikasa said then, “you’re not what I expected.”

And at that, Annie became… different. Her posture stiffened, her face became stony, and her eyes became unreachable once more. “Oh?” Annie asked. “And what did you expect?”

“I mean,” Mikasa faltered. She hadn’t expected Annie to react like this. “I mean you’re less like a boss and more…”

“Fine. Forget it,” Annie said and slumped back into her chair. She stared somewhere past Mikasa and mumbled, “You can go now. Home, I mean.”

“Oh. Um… thank you for dinner,” Mikasa said awkwardly.

“Don’t mention it,” Annie said in a way that seemed like she never wanted Mikasa to mention anything again.

Mikasa stood. “Sorry. Goodnight.”

“…Goodnight.”

Mikasa drove home, cursing herself the whole time. She tried to tell herself it was just Annie overreacting. But the truth was she didn’t know. She couldn’t tell if Annie was just as cold as her coworkers described. There had to be more to her than the one dimension of Annie that they painted for her.

She was still working it over in her head as she walked through her apartment door.

“Hey, lady,” Eren said from the couch.

“The prodigal son returns!” Armin said next to him.

“That doesn’t make sense,” Mikasa laughed.

“Drinking makes sense,” Eren said, waving around a half empty bottle of whiskey.

“Ah, now it _all_ makes sense,” Mikasa said. “You guys drinking without me?”

“One of us! One of us! One of us!” Eren and Armin started chanting in unison.

“Alright, alright,” she said and kicked off her shoes. “Let’s do this.”

Eren and Armin had been playing some shooter game together, likely getting worse in accuracy as they progressed in drunkenness. “I’ll kick both your asses,” she declared after she took a straight-from-the-bottle swig of whiskey. She sat between the two of them and they restarted the game with three players. Mikasa set her eyes on Eren’s character almost immediately. “Eren Jaeger,” she said. “Fall.” She hit him with a headshot, causing Armin to break into a fit of giggling. “You’re next, Coconuthead. I’m coming for you.” She took out Armin within twenty seconds of her declaration.

“Mikasa’s too good at this,” Eren complained.

“It’s my first time playing too.”

“Eren, she’s just too sober. Give it time,” Armin said. “Drink up, Mika. The Coconuthead commands it.”

“All hail! Coconuthead!” Eren said as he tossed his controller to the ground. “I’m done. You can let Mikasa kill you more if you want.”

Mikasa found an empty mug on the coffee table and filled it with whiskey. “Ick. You guys never buy soda. I’m sick of drinking this straight.”

“What? It builds character,” Eren said.

“Sure,” she said.

“Oh!” exclaimed Armin. “How was your first day?”

“It was…” Mikasa began. “I really have no idea.” She told them about her coworkers’ comments about her boss and then about Annie herself, what had happened during the dinner they shared, and how she drove home confused and full of regret.

“Forget about her,” Eren said. “She’s a corporate drone by the sound of it.”

“Nah,” Armin said. “It just sounds like she revealed a part of herself she doesn’t usually share. Then she got frightened off by your comment about expectations.”

“Maybe,” Mikasa said. “I just really don’t wanna see her on Monday.”

“Do you wanna find a new job?” Armin asked.

“No way.”

“Then go,” he shrugged. “ _That_ will build character.”

“I guess I’ll just have to see what happens,” Mikasa sighed. She drained the whiskey in her mug, grabbed the bottle, and stood, declaring, “The rest of this is mine.”

She saw Eren and Armin share an uneasy glance. “What?”

“Nothing,” Armin said with a nervous smile.

“Okay,” Mikasa said and pulled another swig of whiskey. She was gonna need it to fall asleep tonight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had Chinese tonight too! I will be eating the leftover potstickers in celebration of this chapter's release. On another off note, I'm going camping for the first time tomorrow! Peace out!


	3. Wait and See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Battle.

It’s the fabulous castle of Now.

You can walk in and wonder about,

But it’s so very thin,

Once you are, then you’ve been—

And soon as you’re in, you’re out.

-Shel Silverstein, “The Castle”

 

Saturday came and went. Mikasa had cleaned the apartment for most of the day, making her think of Hanji’s messy desk. Of going back there on Monday. And when Sunday came Mikasa couldn’t get Shel Silverstein out of her head.

She woke up Monday morning with a belly full of dread. She made her coffee, fried some eggs, ate them, and packed her lunch. Her drive through the city was rainy and dim. She made it to the office with only a handful of people there already. She dropped her purse onto the floor with a thud and sat back in her swivel chair. Today is definitely going to be a day, she thought.

She already had new papers on her desk. There was a sticky note on them that said, “Please add up these figures. Annie.” Was she already here? Mikasa looked over to Annie’s office. The door was shut, but she thought she could see a faint glow of light through the closed blinds.

At noon things got interesting. Mikasa was drowning in phone calls with four people on hold, all wanting something out of her. It was then that a man walked into the office. He was short and fat with a mean face. Mikasa felt her instincts act up. This man was trouble. She could tell.

“Excuse me,” his voice boomed.

“I’m afraid I’ll have to put you on hold, ma’am,” Mikasa said into the phone. “Can I help you?” she said to the man.

“I certainly hope so. I’ve been waiting all week for a shipment of products from your company. If I don’t get it today my business could be put in jeopardy.”

“I’ll call up the factory and see what I can do,” Mikasa said.

“I tell you I’ll sue if I don’t get my shipment today.”

“Okay, I’ll call as soon as I finish these calls.”

“Like hell you will!” he said, raising his voice even louder than before. “This is top priority, cupcake. I’m not lying. You will see a lawsuit if I you delay my business anymore.” The whole office had gone silent, all the employees watching Mikasa and the angry businessman.

Mikasa stood. “I’ve already told you,” she said through gritted teeth, “that I will get to it as soon as I can. You are not superior to the people who called before you barged in here, including the person I was talking to when you interrupted us. Now sit your ass down and I will get to your call when I can. And don’t call me cupcake.”

“This is outrageous,” he griped. “I want to speak to Leonhardt immediately.

“About what?” Annie asked. “It seems your business here is finished, Reeves.” Annie stood in the doorway of her office. She was dressed today in a sleek black pantsuit. She glared brutally at Reeves.

“Fine,” Reeves said in a clipped tone. “I’ll just take my business elsewhere.”

Reeves exited in a huff, and the whole office seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. Mikasa watched Annie as she stared at the door Reeves left through. It looked like she was deep in thought. She only snapped out of it when a phone began to ring somewhere in the office. Then she went into her office, closed the door firmly, and it was back to work for everyone.

Mikasa checked out some things and found that Reeves would indeed receive his shipment today. So his little tirade was completely unnecessary. She felt in danger of being fired, just for putting someone in their place. She kept checking over her shoulder, worried that Annie would come out of her office and yell at her, fire her on the spot. She felt like a child wandering through the strange world of grown-ups.

Lunchtime was somewhat of a circus around Mikasa. Ymir and Historia approached her first. “Man, you really tore into him, cupcake,” Ymir said.

“Don’t remind me,” Mikasa said, feeling almost queasy at the thought of it.

“It wasn’t so bad,” Historia said soothingly.

“Do you think I’ll be fired?” Mikasa slid her hands over her face. She wasn’t eating. She wasn’t hungry.

Connie and Sasha walked in, Sasha immediately eyeing Mikasa’s untouched food.

“Don’t do it, Sash,” Connie warned.

Mikasa wordlessly slid Sasha her peanut butter and banana sandwich. Sasha made a gleeful noise.

“It’s okay, Mikasa,” Connie said. “I’m pretty sure that hateful stare of Annie’s was for Reeves alone.”

“But you can’t be sure,” Mikasa said.

“No,” Connie said. “I really can’t be.”

“You should be a chef,” Sasha said, her mouth full of sandwich.

“Not helping,” Ymir said. “Listen, Mikasa. It’d be a blessing to get fired from here. We’ve all been here for years in misery. That Reeves is, or was, a big client of ours. If we really did lose him today, well, someone else might have to leave with him. And getting out of here after only slaving away for two days? I envy you, honestly.”

“Ymir,” Historia chided. “I don’t think that’s what Mikasa wants to hear right now.”

“No,” Mikasa said. “It’s okay. I really appreciate your honesty.”

“See, Historia?” Ymir said as she tousled the blonde’s hair. “I’m _appreciated_.”

“You’re a lot of things, Ymir,” Historia laughed as she pushed her away.

Lunch wore on with lots of laughter and teasing. Mikasa sat back and watched, thankful for the distraction. She gave Sasha the rest of her food, but Historia forced Mikasa into eating at least a rice cake. That’s when Mikasa realized she would really miss these people if she had to leave. They had bonded with her so quickly that it shocked her. She didn’t think of herself as one to get so easily attached.

Mikasa worked and waited the rest of the day, nervously checking over her shoulder to look at Annie’s office door which remained closed. It wasn’t until Mikasa was packing up to leave that she sensed eyes on her. Annie watched her from her office door, and after what seemed like the briefest of hesitations, approached Mikasa’s desk. She did not look up at Mikasa, but instead examined her desk.

“You’re very organized, aren’t you?” she said softly as she smoothed down a post- it note that had gotten loose.

When Mikasa didn’t answer, Annie looked up.

“Uh, yes, I guess I am,” Mikasa said.

Mikasa saw a very small smile appear on Annie’s face. “So,” Annie said. “Should I have big plans for you?”

“I’m… not sure of how to answer that,” Mikasa said honestly.

“Well, then. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was late. I was really tired yesterday and didn't want to look for a poem to put at the beginning haha. Leave a comment and I'll love you.


	4. Worry

How could I not?

Have seen a man walk up to a piano

and both survive.

Have turned the exterminator away.

Seen lipstick on a wine glass not shatter the wine.

Seen rainbows in puddles.

Been recognized by stray dogs.

I believe reality is approximately 65% if.

 

-Dean Young, "Belief in Magic"

 

 

Mikasa worked through the week. She was becoming uncharacteristically worried. There was talk that with Reeves gone they would lose out on profits, so layoffs were imminent. Mikasa tried not to listen to the panic that spread throughout the office. But when Friday came everyone was still employed, and Mikasa’s new work friends decided to take her out to a bar to celebrate her first full week.

“I’m just saying,” Connie said, “that we don’t need to change underwear _that_ much. No, guys, come on, hear me out here. Not to be like gross or anything. I think wearing undies twice in a row isn’t all that...”

Mikasa was having trouble focusing. _Something should have happened,_ she thought. But as it stood she hadn’t spoken with Annie since Monday. And what was Annie talking about? _Big plans?_ She sipped at her beer, trying to make it last, and sat quietly as Connie got himself roasted.

“You’re fucking disgusting, man,” Ymir said. “I’ve heard a lot of shit in my life, but this… Sasha, how do you live with that? Make sure he has plenty of underwear, okay?”

“Oh, I will,” Sasha said with a stern look at Connie.

“Look guys, the Japanese invented an underwear that’s rotatable and reversible so you can—”

“So you can wear your underwear inside out? What in the world?” Historia said.

“See,” Ymir said, “You’ve even appalled our little Historia. I think you owe all of humankind an apology, for representing us in such a heinous light.”

“Okay, now that’s an overreaction. It’s not gross, guys!”

“Let’s just get out of here. I think we’re scaring the newbie,” Ymir said.

Mikasa looked up. Everyone was staring at her. “Uh, no. I’m fine, guys.”

“Are you?” Connie asked. “You’re dead quiet.”

“And here I thought you were running your mouth too much to notice, Conman,” Ymir said.

“Let’s get out of here,” Mikasa said.

They exited the bar, but found they didn’t want to go their separate ways, so they loitered for a while.

“You guys,” Mikasa said. “You don’t think… that…”

“What is it?” Historia asked.

“You guys don’t think that people will get laid off because of… Reeves do you?”

“You mean because of _you?_ ” Ymir said. “Nah. Reeves is old news now. I think everyone will be fine. If anyone gets laid off it’s because I’m such a piss poor saleslady.”

“Or,” Connie said, “because you’re the HR lady who had to send out a memo about appropriate dress code because of your own too short skirt.”

“Connie, I thought we agreed we’d never, ever talk about that again!” Sasha said, turning furiously red. Sasha relaxed some when she saw Mikasa was actually laughing. “At least I didn’t wear a too sheer shirt that showed off my bra.”

“Hey now,” Ymir said. “That was on purpose, and I looked hot.”

“So are we agreed?” Connie asked. “We’ve all made horrific choices that should have gotten us fired but didn’t.”

“Have we now?” a voice by the bar’s main entrance asked. Everyone turned to look. It was Annie, dressed in another killer black suit, standing with a tall, nervous man that Mikasa had never seen before. “Like not disclosing your inter-office relationship?”

“Uuuh, yeah, about that…” Connie floundered.

“Just disclose by Monday. It’s no big deal,” Annie said. “Oh, and Connie? Wear fresh underwear daily. For the love of God.” Mikasa saw Connie turn sunburn red, and saw Ymir very badly trying to stifle a laugh. “Let’s go,” Annie said to the man beside her. She slung on her jacket, and they left.

“That. Was. Awesome,” Ymir said. “I have such a newfound respect for her. Seriously. You got roasted, Connie.”

“Brutal,” Historia confirmed.

“I feel like… I just called all my female teachers ‘Mom’ all at once,” Connie said. “I will never recover from this. I know it.”

“So she’s back with Bertholdt?” Sasha said.

Were they ever really together?” Ymir responded.

“Who was that?” Mikasa asked.

“Bertholdt Hoover,” Ymir said. “One of the bosses. Heads the factory with another guy.”

“And…” Mikasa said, “they’re involved?”

Ymir shrugged. “There are a lot of rumors about them, and Reiner Braun too.”

“It’s not really worth talking about,” Historia said.

“Historia hates gossiping,” Ymir said, putting her arm around Historia proudly. “But she knows so much gossip on everyone that if you somehow get her going she’ll never stop.”

“It’s ‘cause I’m so small that people don’t see me and talk about everything right in front of me. Do you know how much Sasha and Connie make out in the supply closet? The answer is a lot.”

“But you’re not there with us, right?” Connie said.

“No, of course not,” Historia said.

“Okay, cool. Just checking.”

“Is this the humiliate Sasha hour? Because I’m really feeling that it is right now,” Sasha said.

“The hour is Connie’s,” Mikasa said.

Everyone cracked up. “So, Mikasa,” Ymir said. “Are you feeling better?”

“Just glad I’m not in Connie’s shoes.”

“Or his underwear,” Sasha said, slapping him upside the head.

The gang decided to split up after that. None of them had drank enough to make driving a problem so they all headed to their respective cars. Mikasa couldn’t stop thinking about Annie, and that new guy, Bertholdt. She imagined him putting his arm around her, him… kissing her. She didn’t know why these images settled on her so heavily until she talked with her roommates.

“And she wasn’t even really _touching_ the guy, but I still felt really weird about it?”

“Mikasa!” Armin said, “I think you’re—”

“Ohohoho!” Eren interrupted. “You’re mad jealous.”

“I am not!” Mikasa said. “I don’t even know Bertholdt.”

“I don’t think he’s talking about Bertholdt,” Armin said knowingly.

“What? What could… You don’t mean _Annie,_ do you?”

“Ohohohohohoho!”

“Eren, shut up,” Armin said. “Mikasa, have you never felt this way, like, about a girl before?”

Mikasa was blushing worse than Connie was earlier. For her friends to discover something about her sexuality before _she_ did? “No. I mean I’ve told you guys everything all through college. Do you really think I… have a crush on her?”

“Think it over,” Armin said. “Nothing needs to be decided tonight.”

“Right,” Mikasa said.

Eren stage whispered to Armin, “I can’t believe Mikasa is a LESBIAN now!”

“Bisexuality is a thing, you know,” Armin countered. “Don’t worry, Mikasa. I’ll keep this one quiet.”

“Thank you,” she said. She was suddenly worn out from the day, from the week, from everything that life had thrown at her lately. “I’m going to bed.”

She wished she hadn’t talked about her confusing new emotions with them. She would have straightened things out on her own. Now she found herself “out” to two people, and herself. She brushed her teeth, washed her face, and got into her boxers and a cami. She tried to go to bed, then started on a bottle of wine she kept in her closet. She drank over half of it before getting drowsy.   _Tomorrow will be better_ , she thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I hope that wasn't too extremely out of character for Mikasa to worry so much. Let me know.


	5. Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Above us, stars. Beneath us, constellations.

Five billion miles away, a galaxy dies

Like a snowflake falling on water.

-Ted Kooser, Flying at Night

 

Mikasa was in a strange, dark place. It was only when the lights flickered on, one by one, that she realized she was in the office, late at night. She was standing with her back to her desk, and turned to see the vast city view that the floor to ceiling windows had to offer.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” a voice behind her asked. Annie, standing in her Trost hoodie and grass-stained jeans. “I like to stay up here sometimes. Just me and the janitors. Looking out makes me feel… delightfully small. Know what I mean?”

Mikasa nodded. She looked out again—to feel that delighting smallness, to not have to come up with words to say to Annie—and saw her and Annie’s reflections, Annie drawing closer, laying a hand on Mikasa’s shoulder, turning her. Annie had always seemed so tall despite her height, so imposing. But now, as she laid her lips on Mikasa’s neck, she seemed more human, and all at once more herself. _But who is she?_ Mikasa wondered. Annie kissed her across her collarbone, and with one hand lazily undid the buttons on Mikasa’s blouse. With her other she pushed Mikasa’s back to the window. She was flush against her now, almost done unbuttoning Mikasa’s blouse.

Mikasa dipped down to kiss Annie, doing to her what Annie had done to Mikasa’s own neck. She freed herself from her blouse, and helped Annie with her hoodie. Annie wrapped her arms around Mikasa, gently kissing her on the lips. Mikasa grew more adventurous, sliding her hands down to Annie’s waist. She lingered there, then began to unbutton her jeans.

But Annie pushed her back against the window. “Stay,” she said. She took off Mikasa’s undershirt, and undid her bra and tossed it behind her. “For the janitors,” she said. She undid Mikasa’s pants and helped her out of them. Annie fingered the lace of Mikasa’s panties. “You are very beautiful. You know that, right?”

Mikasa didn’t answer. Annie jerked her face up, waiting for a reply.

“Um, yeah I guess so.”

“You guess so,” Annie murmured. “I’m gonna make it so,” she pulled down Mikasa’s panties, “you never have to _guess_ again.” She knelt, slung one of Mikasa’s legs over her shoulder, and pressed her face into Mikasa’s sex, eagerly lapping at her most sensitive areas. A man had never touched her like this, had never offered to put anything but his dick in her, and here was Annie, doing it lovingly with her tongue. Mikasa gripped at Annie’s hair, lost in the ecstasy that Annie gave. She felt herself reaching a climax, and wailed in pleasure. While she was coming back down Annie stood and wiped her mouth, kissed Mikasa, and said, “Do you believe me?”

Mikasa could only nod.

“Will you do me now?” Annie asked with a playful smile.

“Of course.” Mikasa slowly took of Annie’s top, and stopped to look at her lacy black bra. She caressed Annie’s chest, then Annie leaned in to whisper into Mikasa’s ear.

“Mikasa, can I tell you something?”

Mikasa opened her eyes to her own ceiling. The question still rang in her ear, so near that Mikasa turned over in her bed to look for Annie, but found no one.

“Come on,” Mikasa said to herself in exasperation. She quickly got out of bed, changed her boxers, and got ready for her Saturday.  She couldn’t believe how rapidly Annie had taken over her mind. She had never pined for a guy like this, or had a dream like _that._

“Morning, ‘Min,” she said to Armin as she walked into the kitchen.

“Hey, ‘Kasa. You’re up early.”

“Yeah, I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. What time is it?”

“6:45.”

“God, why do you get up so early?”

“I like sunrises,” he said, sipping his coffee.

“Why not just watch sunsets and stay up late?”

“And party? That’s Eren’s thing. Besides, during sunrises I can be alone with my thoughts. It’s a great feeling watching the sky do what it does.”

“Delightfully small,” Mikasa mumbled.

“What?”

“Nothing. What’s the plan for today?”

“Farmer’s market at 10:00. I think they’ll have pumpkins by now,” Armin said.

“Ooh, can I come?” Mikasa asked.

“Yeah. And Eren said he wanted to go so I’ll have to wake him up.”

“Good luck with that.”

“I know. This one’s pretty far out in the suburbs. That okay?”

“Yeah.”

They somehow got Eren up by 9:30, meaning they’d make it to the farmer’s market well before noon. They played Fuck, Marry, Kill in the car, Mikasa not pleased that Eren only gave her female options.

“Okay,” Eren said. “Velma from Scooby Doo, Daphne from Scooby Doo, and Caitlyn Jenner. What? I’m just opening up the pansexual avenues for Mikasa here.”

“Whatever, Eren,” Armin said as he tried to focus on the road.

“Fuck Daphne,” Mikasa said, “marry Velma, and kill Caitlyn Jenner. I’m sorry, but I didn’t care about Caitlyn before her transition so I don’t think I should have to care after.”

“Fair enough,” Eren said. “Now give me three.”

“Alright… I can’t think of anyone,” Mikasa said.

“You’re terrible at this, ‘Kasa!”

“Then ask Armin.”

“NO ONE IS ASKING ARMIN ANYTHING,” Eren shouted.

“Oookaaay,” Armin said with a devilish smile. “A walrus, Chris Evans with a walrus face, and a walrus with Morgan Freeman’s voice.”

“Fuck, Armin, you’re always so weird,” Eren said. “Okay. So. Fuck the walrus with Morgan Freeman’s voice, I guess, marry Chris Evans with a walrus face because abs, and kill the walrus. Now I guess we should ask Armin something.”

“Albert Einstein,” Mikasa said, “and a physics textbook, and Neil deGrasse Tyson.”

“This is hard,” Armin said. “But fuck Einstein, marry Tyson, and kill the book.”   

They went on like this, Mikasa and Armin ribbing Eren about his crush on the janitor at his office, and made it through the drive in relative peace. When they arrived the farmer’s market was already bustling. Armin led them toward the vegetables (he was planning to make them a stew).

“Look at these cabbages!” Armin said. “They’re huge.”

Eren dropped a cabbage on the ground just so he could yell, “My cabbages!” and the disgruntled seller made him buy it. Mikasa went off on her own to look at the acorn squashes. They were a beautiful deep green with splashes of bright orange on them. She bought three so they could bake them up in butter and brown sugar.

Just after she made her purchase, Mikasa looked over at the crowd, trying to pick out Armin and Eren. What she saw wasn’t what she expected. It was the man Annie was with at the bar, Berthodlt Hoover, but he was holding the hand of another man, blonde and muscular and not quite as tall. Mikasa couldn’t make sense of it. Was Annie seeing Bertholdt or not? Did she know about the other _guy_?

Mikasa found Armin and Eren arguing over a bin of Brussel sprouts.

“They’re good, Eren. You can add lots of butter to them,” Armin said.

“Ugh, fine,” Eren said. “But I get to pick out the recipe, and it’s totally gonna drown out the taste.”

“Alright,” Armin said. “We’ll get two dozen.”

“That’s too much! Oh, hey, ‘Kasa.”

“Hey,” she said absently.

“What’s wrong?” Eren asked.

“It’s nothing,” Mikasa said.

They spent a couple more hours hanging out and buying fruits and vegetables. They headed home in silence. Mikasa fell asleep about half way back, and had dreams much more innocent than the night before.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought them going to the market was boring on its own so I added a little spiciness ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Drop me a comment if you love me.


	6. More Closely

Eyes that gaze into mine,

A smile that is lost on his lips—

That is the unretouched portrait

Of the man to whom I belong.

-Edith Piaf, La Vie en Rose

 

Monday arrived sooner than Mikasa would have liked. She got there early to work on a special project that had been assigned to her. It appeared she was the only one there at this early hour. She took advantage, and decided to play some music out loud on her computer. She went on Youtube and found some Edith Piaf. The French singer’s voice rang nicely throughout the empty office. Mikasa hummed along, not knowing any French.

She was in the middle of “Non Je Ne Regrette Rien” when Annie quietly slipped out of her office and appeared before Mikasa’s desk. Mikasa turned off the music, embarrassed, and took a look at Annie. She was dressed more than casually again, in another hoodie and jeans.

“Hello,” Annie said. “You’re here early.”

“You too,” Mikasa said. “Sorry about the music.”

“It’s not a problem. Edith Piaf has a gorgeous voice, even if I can’t understand a word. Anyway,” Annie said, “I need to talk to you about something, Mikasa.”

_Here it comes,_ she thought. _It ends here._

“I was thinking of how you handled Reeves the other day and… I want to work more closely with you.”

_More… closely?_ Mikasa thought of her dream, her body up against the glass, the night sky blooming behind her, Annie in front of her, pleasuring her. She felt herself blushing. “What do you mean?” she asked.

“I want you to be my personal assistant,” Annie said. “You’ve shown that you can handle tough situations, you adapt incredibly fast, and you’re organized like I’ve never seen. We can train someone else to take over the secretary job. What do you think?”

“I think… I’m not as great as you think I am.”

Annie let out a laugh. “Mikasa, modesty won’t get you far in the business world. There’s a substantial pay raise if you accept my offer.”

“Can I have some time to think about it?”

“Of course,” Annie said.

The truth was, every cell in Mikasa’s body seemed to be screaming for her to accept. She’d get to be closer to Annie, with her every step of the way. And Mikasa was afraid of her own willingness. This school girl crush would only worsen if she were exposed to Annie even more. Annie couldn’t be with Bertholdt if he was with another man, but that didn’t mean that Annie was gay, that Annie wanted Mikasa as badly as she wanted her.

“Think about it,” Annie said, “and let me know your decision by the end of the week.” She smiled softly then, making the butterflies in Mikasa’s belly flutter faster. Annie went back into her office, and Mikasa was left alone once more.

Mikasa worked diligently throughout the day. When lunchtime came around she was famished. She ate her usual peanut butter banana sandwich and listened to her friends chatter.

“So did you guys disclose your relationship yet?” Ymir asked Connie and Sasha.

“Of course! We’d be skewered if we didn’t,” Connie said.

“Yep. All the paperwork is done. We’re official,” Sasha said.

“Wanna make out?” Connie asked. “It’s allowed now, right?”

“Haha, I don’t think it works that way,” Historia said.

“I think—I really _hope_ —that he’s joking around,” Ymir said.

“Oh, we’re good,” Connie said. “Meet you in the supply closet, Sash.”

“You’re on,” she said.

“Gross. Just gross,” Ymir mumbled.

“So, Mikasa,” Historia said with a thankful change of subject. “How has your job been? Do you like it so far?”

“It’s been good. I do like it,” she said honestly. She held back any talk of the promotion Annie had offered her just this morning. “And I’m really glad I met you guys. You’re a lot of fun.”

“We are, aren’t we?” Sasha said as she threw grapes at Connie’s mouth.

“Yup,” Connie said. “We’re a laugh and a half. Hey, watch it! You nearly took out my eye.”

“You’re getting grapes everywhere, guys,” Ymir said. The floor was coated in grapes. “You guys really suck at this.”

“You’d better clean this up before we go,” Historia said.

“Meaning Historia will do it, since she’s so nice,” Ymir said.

“I’m not crawling on the floor searching for dirty grapes,” Historia said. “There is a limit to my kindness.”

“I’m shocked. I thought my goddess was infinitely kind.”

“My goddess?” Connie said. “What are you two dating?”

“No!” Ymir exclaimed, but it was too late: Historia was blushing like crazy.

“Oh my God! Oh my God!” Sasha said slapping Connie on the arm. “I told you Connie! I knew it!”

“Shit,” Ymir said. “I’m sorry, Historia.”

“It’s okay,” she said as she hid her face in her hands.

“You guys do understand though,” Ymir said, “why this is a bit hard to disclose. We don’t know how the boss would feel about a gay relationship.”

“Right,” Connie said. “We won’t tell anyone.”

“But oh my God, right?!” Sasha practically shouted. “Oh my God!”

Lunch ended shortly after that. Historia did stay to pick up the grapes, and Ymir even helped a little. Mikasa lingered.

            Hey, um…” Mikasa began.

“Hey what?” Ymir asked.

“I, uh, need some help with something. Like… advice.”

“Okay,” Historia said, crawling from under the table.

“Well, there’s someone I… like, and I just don’t know if it’d be appropriate or if they would even… reciprocate, and…”

“Wait,” Ymir said. “Is this a _gay_ thing?”

“Uh, yeah,” Mikasa said, looking away. “It is.”

“And don’t tell me,” Ymir said, “this is your _first_ gay thing?”

“Yes,” Mikasa said. “It is.”

Historia stood up. “And do you know if she’s gay?”

“No idea,” Mikasa said.

“Just spend some time with her. You’re bound to learn something.”

“Being gay means having to pick up on signals. Touches that last a bit too long, or happen a lot, and staring too. It’s not easy,” Ymir said, “but Historia and I managed to find each other. I wasn’t really sure about her, honestly, but I asked and was lucky she said yes to me.”

“And we’ve been together for two years now,” Historia said.

“See it took me two whole years to work up the courage, but it was definitely worth it.”

“Yup,” Historia said. “So take your time. Even if you two never get together it’s still nice to be around the person as a friend.”

“Yeah. Thanks, you guys.”

“No prob,” Ymir said. “Let’s get back to work.”

Mikasa had trouble focusing for the rest of the day. She was now “out” to two more people. How far would this go? She wished this could stop, but the wheels were in motion. Mikasa found herself thinking about Annie more often than not. A lot of these thoughts involved the stripping off of Annie’s clothes. She didn’t even get the chance to see any of Annie in her R-rated dream, but if tight business suits indicated anything, it was that Annie had a great body. She nearly missed a call, letting it ring at least ten times before she realized it was there. This was getting a bit ridiculous.

So at the end of the day, Mikasa went to Annie’s office. She knocked on the door and heard Annie tell her to come in, felt herself work the knob to let herself inside, pushed the door open, and heard herself say, “Annie.”

“Yes?”

“I would… I would love to be your personal assistant. When do I start?”

“Right now. We’ll start with your outfit. Are you free now?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time! SUITS!


	7. Suited

“Anger in its time and place

May assume a kind of grace.”

-Charles Lamb, Anger

 

Annie’s car was filthy. The passenger seat was covered in McDonald’s bags and wrappers, empty soda cans, and a pile of unused coupons. Annie apologized and swiftly brushed the junk to the floor.

“As my personal assistant,” Annie said, “would it be too much to ask you to clean my car every once in a while?”

“I wouldn’t mind,” Mikasa said with a smile.

Annie sighed. “Do you ever just drive at night because you can’t sleep?”

“Yeah, I have.”

“I used to… Not often anymore,” Annie said. “One time I drove ‘til morning. Got so far away from my house that I missed that day’s work. I worked at a hotdog stand. Can you believe it? It was terrible.”

“That’s crazy,” Mikasa said. “How’d you get into that?”

“I was a college dropout, and a friend of a friend was going on vacation. They left their hotdog stand to me. They went on vacation a lot and I had to run it. I can’t imagine how someone who makes their living off of cheap hotdogs went on vacation so much.”

“Yeah… So you dropped out of college?”

“Yup. Didn’t make it through freshman year. I was never good at school. I tended to rebel a lot in those days. I was a real punk.”

“What do you mean by punk?”

“A real punk. Dyed black hair, safety pins on my clothes, angry music.”

“Wow.”

“Didn’t you ever rebel? Or did you just read poetry the whole time?”

Mikasa felt herself blushing. “Poetry… was my rebellion. I read everything I could. I wrote my share of bad emo poetry too.”

“Oh, really. Do you remember any of it?”

“Not really. I remember there was a lot about falling from the sky. Just falling and falling and never crashing. Going on like that forever.”

“You could have written lyrics for my band.”

“You really had one?”

“That’s right. I played bass.”

“I need to know your band’s name.”

Annie laughed. “Oh it was bad. Are you really sure you want to hear it?”

“Yes!”

“We were… the Frontal Lobotomies.”

“THAT’S AWFUL.”

“I know!” She hit the steering wheel in distress. “And we thought we were soooo cool. It pains me to even think of.”

“Well I had a pen name.”

“Ooh, do tell.”

“I was Agatha Cruel. Thankfully I never had anything published.”

“That’s a good punk band name though.” Annie turned down a side street. Mikasa had no idea where in Trost she was, but Annie seemed to know her way around. She parked in front of a small shop called Mina Boutique. “We’re here.”

They got out of the car, and Mikasa was better able to examine the shop window. In it were mannequins decked in glamourous, shiny dresses. Mikasa couldn’t see the prices, but she was willing to bet that they were just as extravagant as the clothing displayed. They entered the store, and the owner greeted them warmly.

“Annie!” she said, pulling her into a hug. “I haven’t seen you in ages.” Mikasa noticed how awkwardly and stiffly Annie responded to the woman’s touch.

“Hello, Mina,” Annie said. “This is Mikasa. She’ll be getting some suits today.” Mikasa wasn’t sure how she’d be paying for the suits now that she had seen how upscale the place was, but she didn’t want to say anything.

“Great,” Mina said. “I’ll need to do some measurements first.” So Mikasa was poked and prodded, measured and remeasured until Mina was satisfied. Mina went to fetch some suits she had in back, and Mikasa and Annie were left alone.

“Mina’s the best in the business,” Annie said. “She’ll find something perfect for you. Of course you’ll need more than one suit.”

“Yeah,” Mikasa said nervously. Just how many suits would she have to buy today?

“What’s wrong?” Annie asked.

Then Mina fluttered in and distracted her. “Come to the fitting room, darling. I have some suits ready for you.” They went back to the fitting room, a small area with a dark yellow curtain hanging from the ceiling. Mina piled a bunch of black clothing in Mikasa’s arms. “There you go.” From the front of the store they heard the bell chime of the door. “I’ll be right back, darling,” Mina said.

Mikasa tried on a suit while Annie waited on the other side of the curtain. She was surprised that Mina had a suit ready to fit her, according to some people, overly muscular arms. It fit just fine. And the skirt did too.

She pushed aside the curtain and showed Annie the first suit. “What do you think?”

“Hmm. I think,” Annie said, touching Mikasa’s biceps at arm’s length, “it’s a bit wide in the arms, but Mina can tailor it down for you.” Tailoring? And how much would that cost her? But then she thought of something Ymir told her that day. _Touches that last a bit too long…_ There was no need for Annie to be touching her right now, and yet here they were. And she was certainly staring, but Mikasa’s appearance was the reason they were here so maybe it didn’t count.

Mina came back, and Mikasa tried on the other suits, all in some need of tailoring here or there, Mina making notes on alterations. Mikasa glimpsed the price tags, adding them up in her head with increasing agitation.

“What is wrong with you?” Annie asked when Mina left to help another customer.

“Nothing.” Was she that obvious?

“Bullshit. Tell me.”

“I just don’t know how I’m gonna pay for all this,” Mikasa said.

“Is that it? Mikasa, I’m paying.”

“No, don’t do that.”

“Mikasa. I’m paying,” Annie said as a matter of fact. “Just think of this as an advance.”

“Thank you, Annie.”

“No problem.”

“Are we about finished here?” Mina asked.

“Yes, I think we are,” Annie said.

They went to the front. Annie pulled out her credit card, and Mikasa tried not to cringe when she saw the total.

“Shut up,” Annie said. “This is nothing.”

“Okay,” Mina said. “I can make the alterations and you can pick them up in a few days. Your number?”

Before Mikasa could speak Annie gave hers. “I’ll pick them up,” Annie said.

“But—”

“Shut up,” Annie threatened.

When they left it was dark out. They rode in silence, destined for the parking garage by the office so Mikasa could pick up her car. They were almost there when Annie suddenly banged on the steering wheel and yelled, “Just shut up already!”

“What?” Mikasa asked.

“I can _feel_ your guilt from here. So stop it. I’m so sick of people feeling bad when I do nice things for them. I can’t understand it.”

“I’m sorry,” Mikasa said. “I’m just trying to figure out how to pay you back.”

“You can pay me back by being a damn good assistant, okay?” And when Mikasa didn’t answer her she said again, “ _Okay?_ ”

“Okay,” Mikasa said. “I’ll do my best.”

“That’s right you will.”

They arrived at the parking garage, and Annie drove Mikasa to her car.

“Thank you again,” Mikasa said as she got out.

“Yeah, whatever,” Annie mumbled. “Drive home safe.”

“You too.” Mikasa shut the door, painfully aware of how much she didn’t want to leave Annie’s side.


	8. Assistant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm going into the city all day tomorrow. Family tradition. I think I'll be too tired to post tomorrow, so I'm posting early tonight.

“And my child, I thought you knew

I dwell here…and so do you.”

-Shel Silverstein, Enter This Deserted House

 

Tuesday passed and Wednesday too. On Thursday Annie arrived in the office late, with five newly tailored suits stacked in her arms.

“Here we are,” Annie said. “You’ve trained the new secretary?”

“Yes.” Mikasa had trained a new temp named Hannah yesterday (and had done a much better job than Hanji, she thought).

“Good. So you can start today. Is that temp here?”

“Yes,” she said.

“Alright. Go get changed,” Annie said.

Mikasa changed into one of her pricy suits, very aware that she was now wearing hundreds of dollars on her back. When Mikasa got back to her desk she saw Annie manning the phone.

“Hey, go get that temp,” Annie said with her hand cupped over the mouth of the phone.

Mikasa went and found Hannah, and delivered her to her new desk. Annie hung up the phone.

“Is this her?” Annie asked Mikasa, rather than asking the girl herself.

“Yes. Annie, this is Hannah Diamant.”

Hannah nervously held out her hand. Annie ignored it, instead giving Hannah a curt nod.

“Mikasa, my office. Now,” Annie said.

Mikasa glanced at Hannah who looked visibly shaken by the whole ordeal. _Good luck,_ she thought. She went into Annie’s office, not sure of what to expect.

“Okay,” Annie said, closing the door. “There are no extra desks out there so we’ll have to work across from each other at mine. I nicked an extra computer from IT. It should be fine… if you don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t,” Mikasa said, surprised that Annie would do that.

“I told you I had a rebel streak in high school. Guess it’s not gone. I really hate the IT department here,” Annie shrugged.

Annie first had her work on transcribing some of her hard to read notes into type. She looked annoyed every time Mikasa asked her what a bit of scrawled penmanship said, and when her phone rang they both paused, Annie looking at Mikasa as if to say, “You _are_ getting that, right?” Mikasa answered, only to have to immediately hand the phone over to Annie. For over half an hour Annie put them on hold.

The mood was a tense one, with Mikasa glancing at Annie often. She loved the sweep of her blonde hair, her azure eyes, and even the “I’m busy so don’t bother me” set of her mouth. Eventually Annie broke. “ _Why_ do you keep looking at me?”

Mikasa blushed, and came up with a lie. “I just… couldn’t figure out something you had written and didn’t want to bother you.”

“Well, you did. What is it?”

“Oh… I got it now.”

“…Okay.”

Mikasa knew then that Annie knew she was lying, but thankfully she chose not to pursue it further. Lunch came, and Mikasa was thankful to escape Annie’s office. She went into the breakroom where everyone was already waiting for her.

“Where have you been?” Sasha asked.

“She went into Annie’s office and didn’t come back,” Ymir said.

“Ooh,” Connie said. “What did you do?”

“Nothing, I just… I’m her assistant now,” Mikasa said.

“You got promoted that fast?” Connie asked.

“I guess so.”

“So what does she have you do?” Historia asked.

“Are you like a henchman now?” Sasha said.

“I’ve just been organizing her notes, typing them up.”

“Well, let us know about her world domination plans,” Sasha said.

“You guys, she’s not all bad,” Mikasa said.

“Sure,” Ymir said. “Have you seen the beauty beneath the beast?”

“She’s been nice to me!” Mikasa said hotly.

“I’ll say,” Ymir said. “How much are you making now?”

“Ymir…” Historia warned.

“I bet it’s more than us expendable lugs,” Ymir continued. “But you’re something special, aren’t you, Mikasa? You’ve known it since the minute you walked into this dump that you don’t belong.”

_How much of this is true?_ Mikasa thought. It was true she felt she didn’t belong, but that she was better than the others? Did she really think that? But instead of responding she simply took her lunch and left for Annie’s office. She heard Connie calling Ymir an asshole, and the others backing him up. At least they were on her side. But she knew they were jealous. They just didn’t say it like Ymir.

“What did they say?” Annie asked. She was sitting at her desk, eating her own lunch.

Mikasa hesitated.

“Close the door,” Annie said. “Whatever they said, about you, or about me, it won’t make you quit, will it?”

“No,” Mikasa said.

“Then forget about them. Just eat your lunch with me.”

“Okay.”

They ate in silence, Mikasa no longer wishing to glance at Annie. How was she okay with all this? With what people said behind her back? Mikasa didn’t know, and didn’t want to risk asking.

Work after lunch was a repeat of the work that came before it, if not worse. Just once Mikasa stole a glance at Annie only to be immediately glared into an embarrassed submission.

At five o’clock Annie said, “I’ll be staying awhile longer, but you can go.”

Mikasa saw that it wasn’t a question. She would have to get out of here now.

“Goodnight,” Mikasa said. Annie looked at her blankly.

Once out of Annie’s office, Mikasa ran into Historia.

“Hey,” Historia said. “Ymir won’t ever admit this to you, but she’s sorry for what she said. Really.”

“It’s okay,” Mikasa said.

Ymir appeared from the bathroom, and immediately assessed the situation.

“I don’t know what Historia said, but it probably made me appear soft,” Ymir said. “I’m not soft.”

“Yes, you are,” Historia laughed.

“Am not,” but Ymir was smiling now. “Mikasa, any luck on that crush?”

“I don’t think so,” Mikasa said.

Mikasa went to bed that night full of regret. She’d acted so stupid around Annie. Eren and Armin had noticed Mikasa’s foul mood, but couldn’t get a word out of her. So Mikasa finished the other half of her bottle of wine and laid her head down in frustration. She wasn’t one to let small things bother her, and if Annie didn’t reciprocate her feelings, then wasn’t all of this entirely inconsequential?

Mikasa woke up disoriented in the dark. Her phone was over on her desk, chirping a shrill ringtone she had yet to change. She stumbled in the pre-morning light, and managed to answer her phone before it went to voicemail.

“Mikasa,” a woman’s voice said.

“Yes?”

“It’s Annie. Listen, I need you to come over right now.” She gave Mikasa an address, made sure she had it right, told her to not wear her suit, then hung up.

Mikasa messed for a minute with her bedhead then left her apartment. It was just past five in the morning. She was lucky she didn’t feel much of a hangover from last night. What the hell did Annie want? The address was way out in the suburbs. After less than an hour she was getting close. It was a residential area, and Mikasa had to squint to see the address numbers on the homes. At least the sun was almost up now. Mikasa arrived at the address, a small yellow house. She stayed in the car for a moment, steadying her breathing, getting ready for whatever this was. She got out when she thought she glimpsed Annie looking at her through the house’s big bay window.

Annie opened the door to meet her. She was dressed in a black suit and skirt. Her hair was down, still wet from a shower.

“Come inside,” she said.

The house was cluttered, but not as badly as Annie’s car. Annie led Mikasa to the living room where a pale, brown-haired toddler sat on the couch with a small garbage can in his lap.

“Mikasa,” Annie said, “this is Andrew. My son.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is one of my favorites!


	9. Elephant

"Oh, what a sweet child is Hannah Hyde,

Oh, how thoughtful, oh, how nice,

To buy a hat with a brim so wide,

It gives shade to the frogs

And the worms and the mice."

-Shel Silverstein, Sun Hat

 

“Oh,” Mikasa said. She really didn’t know what to say.

“I’m sick,” the little boy said with an apologetic smile.

“That’s right, you are,” said Annie with a smile of her own, this one more sad than sorry.

As if proving himself, he bent his head over the garbage can in his lap and retched.

“He’s been like this for three hours,” Annie explained. “I don’t trust any babysitters around here when he’s really sick. Usually I stay home, but today I have a ton of important meetings. Could you please watch him for me? Please?”

Annie looked desperate, a look that didn’t suit her.

“I’ll take care of him,” Mikasa promised.

“Great.” Annie broke into the biggest smile Mikasa had ever seen on her. “I just have to do my hair. Then I’m out of here.”

“Okay.” Mikasa sat down with Andrew who by now had stopped vomiting. “Feeling better, Andrew?” she asked.

“No,” he said. She could see the threat of tears in his big green eyes. From down the hall she heard Annie’s hairdryer.

“Mama’s gonna get mad if I keep getting sick.”

“Oh, no, she won’t be mad. She loves you.”

“She has to leave her job for me.”

“I bet she enjoys the extra time with you.”

“Really?” the little boy said with wide eyes.

“Really,” Mikasa said. “And today I’ll enjoy some time with you. Then Mama will come back from work to see you again.”

He seemed contented at that. “Are you Mama’s friend?”

“I work with her.”

“Do you like Shel Silberstein?”

“Silberstein?! I love Shel Silberstein.”

“Wanna read me a Shel Silberstein?”

“Are you faking sick so you can hear poetry?”

“No!” he said very defensively. “I am not!”

“I’m just kidding,” Mikasa said. “Where are your Shel Silverstein books?”

“On the floor in my room,” he grinned.

“On the floor? You don’t clean them up?” Mikasa said.

“No way! I read them all the time,” he said proudly.

“You can read?”

“…No. But Mama reads them. And I look at the pictures.”

“I see. I’ll go and get one of the books, okay?”

“Wait! I wanna show you my room.” He jumped off the couch with surprising speed in spite of his sickness. He was halfway down the hall when he ran back. “I better bring my puke bucket,” he said, and grabbed the little garbage can.

Mikasa followed him. Annie came down the hall, hair and makeup done.

“Hey, you little scamp,” she said. “You’re supposed to be sick.”

“I am sick.”

“Well, you’re supposed to be resting.”

“I wanna show Mikaka my room,” he said.

“Are you not going to correct that?” Annie asked Mikasa.

“Nah,” she said.

“Come and see my room!” he said impatiently.

“In a minute, alright? Are you ready to go, Annie?”

“Yes, I think so. Looks like he’s already feeling much better. He should be able to eat by lunchtime. There’s sandwich stuff in the fridge. He’ll tell you what he likes.”

“Alright.”

“Thank you so much for doing this. I really didn’t plan to use you in this way, but I trust you to be able to handle him. Can you call me at the office after he eats lunch?”

“Of course.”

“Mikakaaaaa!” Andrew moaned from somewhere in his room.

“I’d better go,” Mikasa said.

“Me too. I should be back before seven tonight.”

“Okay. See you.”

“See you.”

Annie headed for the door, and Mikasa went into Andrew’s room. It was painted blue with little green elephant silhouettes stamped here and there. His little blue bed had at least ten stuffed elephants on it.

“Oh, I really like it!”

“My room’s the best.”

“It sure is. You must really love elephants.”

“Yeah,” he said excitedly. “They’re really big and they eat a lot! And they’re really nice and smart too.”

“That’s true. I like these little baby elephants,” she said pointing at the stuffed animals.”

“They’re okay,” he said. “But I want a life-sized one!”

“Would that fit in here?”

“We can try!”

Mikasa laughed. It had been a long time since she had experienced the idealism of a child.

“Okay,” she said. “Now where are these Shel Silverstein books?”

“Right here,” he said as he pointed to a massive pile of books on the floor. The bookshelf next to it was almost empty.

“Oh my,” Mikasa said.

“These are all my favorites,” he said by way of explanation.

She sifted through the pile with him until she found what she wanted: _Where the Sidewalk Ends._

“If memory serves,” she said, flipping open the book, “there’s the perfect poem for you in this book.”

“Really?” he said, bouncing on his heels.

“Ah, here it is. ‘I cannot go to school today,’ said little Peggy Ann McKay.”

Andrew started giggling, already familiar enough with the poem to know what was coming.

“‘I have the measles and the mumps, a gash, a rash and purple bumps.’”

“’You say today is… Saturday? Goodbye, I’m going out to play!” Andrew finished.

“That’s not the whole thing,” Mikasa laughed. “You cut out the middle!”

“I can read some of these,” he said.

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah!” He sat crosslegged on the ground, barf bucket forgotten, and looked through _Falling Up._ “Here,” he said pointing to an image of a girl in a huge hat that spanned two pages. He pointed at one of the poems and said, “Oh, what a sweet child is Hannah Hyde, oh, how thoughtful, oh, how nice, to buy a hat with a brim so wide, it gives shade to the frogs and the worms and the mice.”

“That’s very good, Andrew. How long did it take you to memorize that?”

“I told you I read it!”

“You’re pointing at the wrong poem, my boy. That one is ‘Snowball.’ _That_ one is ‘Sun Hat.’”

“You embarrass me,” he said, hiding his face.

“I’m sorry,” Mikasa said.

“I’m learning my alphabets. Mama made flashcards.”

“Ooh, can you show me what you know?”

“Yeah!” He dug through the pile of books and came up with several pieces of white cardboard. “This is A,” he said, holding up a large A. On the back was a drawing of an elephant eating an apple. “Elephants eat apples and apples starts with A,” he explained.

“Oh, I see. Did your mama draw all these?”

“Yeah, my mama’s a good drawer.” Every card had an elephant on it. The B card had an elephant with a butterfly. The C card had an elephant with a crab. Mikasa never would have guessed that Annie had such artistic talent, or that she’d be so nurturing to a child. _And I had no idea she had a little boy,_ Mikasa thought. She began to wonder at what else Annie could be hiding, but the little boy quickly distracted her.

“What kind of name is Mikaka?” he asked.

“Actually it’s Mikasa.”

“Oh,” he said. “What kind of name is Mikasa?”

“It’s Japanese. I’m half Japanese and half Scottish.”

“I don’t know what Japanese is.”

“Well, Japanese people are from Japan. It’s a little island way far away.”

“Do you know what I am?” he asked. This kid had a lot of questions.

“No, I don’t. Do you?”

“Mama says we are… doy-chuh.”

“Deutsche? Like German?

“Yeah! We’re germy!”

She wanted then to ask about his father, but she knew it was inappropriate, and Annie might find out that she was prying. Best to not say anything, she decided. Again, Andrew pulled her out of her reverie.

“I’m hungry,” he said. “Can we eat now?”

Mikasa checked her watch. “No, Andrew, I think we should wait a few hours. I don’t want you eating then throwing everything back up.”

“Okay,” he said glumly.

“I have an idea,” Mikasa said suddenly. ‘Do you wanna learn how to spell elephant?”

“Yeah!” he said and hopped to his feet.

“Alright!” Mikasa said. “We need some paper and something to write with.” Andrew ran around his room, looking for materials. Mikasa went to the kitchen, looking through drawers until she found a large notepad and a pen.

She returned to his room where Andrew was piling up his flashcards. “Okay,” she said. “You ready for elephant?”

“Yes!”

She sat next to him and put a large E on the paper.

“I know that one,” he said. “That’s eeeeee.”

“That’s right, that’s eeeeee. Now do you know this one?” She wrote an L next to it.

“Um,” he said, knitting his brow in concentration.

“Well, let’s look at your flashcards.”

He found the L flashcard and looked at the back. “There’s a ladybug,” he said.

“Llllladybug,” Mikasa said. “Eeellllladybug.”

“L!” he shouted.

“That’s right. An E, an L, and then…” She wrote another E.

“Eeeeeee!”

“Yup. Now this part is kind of weird.” She wrote down a P.

“Puh…puh?”

“Pee.”

“Okay…”

“And then…” She wrote an H.

“Ha…hat?” He looked at his H flashcard which had an elephant in a top hat.

“Eytch,” Mikasa said.

“Eeeeytch,” he sounded. Next he knew the A, but wasn’t sure about N or T. When they were all done Mikasa wrote elephant in the lowercase letters too.

“Do I have to learn _all_ those?” he asked, sounding scared.

“Yeah, but you’ll get it. When you grow up you’ll know all of them and it’ll be easy.”

“It’s hard now.”

“You’re doing very well though. Can you draw me an elephant on here?”

“Yeah.” He took the pen from her and began scribbling. When he was done he said, “Mama is a good elephant drawer. I made his nose too long.”

“I think it’s okay. He can sniff the sky.”

“Could he sniff the sun?”

“Yes, I guess he could.”

“But he’d get burned! There’s a Shel Silberstein poem where a kid licks a star and gets burned. Is the sun hot like a star?”

“The sun _is_ a star.”

His eyes grew wide. “Really? Do people live on plants around other stars?”

“On planets? I don’t know. No one has found any other people anywhere but here.”

“I’m gonna find them and make friends!”

“I hope you do. It sounds like fun,” Mikasa said.

Mikasa passed through the morning with Andrew, teaching him letters, and answering any questions that came into his head. At noon she made him a sandwich and called Annie.

“He’s doing alright. He hasn’t thrown up since you left.”

“That’s good,” Annie said. “Can I talk to him?”

“Yeah. Andrew, it’s your mama.”

He took the phone in a hurry, words spilling out of his mouth before he put his mouth to the speaker. “Mama, we learned how to spell elephant today!...Yeah, I can. E, ladybug, E… elllladybug… L! E… I can’t remember the rest. Mama, did you know the sun is a star? Yeah! But we don’t know about other people around the stars. Aliens? Yeah…” He talked for about twenty minutes before handing the phone back to Mikasa.

“Did you get all that?” Mikasa asked.

Annie laughed warmly. “Yes, I think so. I’ll be back earlier than I thought. Around five. You’re staying for dinner.”

“Oh,” Mikasa said.

“Is that okay?”

“Yes, but you really don’t have to…”

“You’re staying.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll see you later.”

“Alright. Good—”

Annie hung up before she could finish.

The day passed slowly after that. Andrew took a long nap, and Mikasa read most of the books from the pile on his floor. He woke up at about 4:30 so they decided to practice his flashcards and his spelling of elephant while they waited for Annie.

Annie got home closer to six than five. She came in the door with her arms full of grocery bags. Andrew screamed when he saw her, and ran at her full force while yelling “E-L-E-P-H-A-N-T!”

“Very good!” Annie said as she carried the groceries to the kitchen. “I just stopped to pick some things up for dinner and ended up doing all my shopping for the week. Oops.”

“What are we having tonight?” Mikasa asked.

“Stir fry. Actually could you run out to my car and get the rest of the grocery bags?”

“What are assistants for?”

As Mikasa walked out she heard Andrew asking, “What _are_ assistants for, Mama?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note ftom my friend Ryuraven on "Mikaka." Kaka is a dutch word for poop, mostly used by kids. The more you know...


	10. Kiss the Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner with the Leonhardts.

“When we were first divided into two

And one of our beds stood here and one stood there

We picked an inconspicuous word to bear

The sense we gave it: I am touching you.”

-Bertolt Brecht, The First Sonnet

 

When Mikasa walked back in, Andrew was already accosting her with questions.

“If Mama is your boss am I your boss too?”

“Did she teach you the alphabet?”

“Does she pay you lots?”

“You don’t have to answer any of that, Mikasa,” Annie said. “If you get him going he’ll never stop.”

“Never stop! Never stop!” Andrew chanted. He banged his little fists on the table for emphasis.

Annie was de-tailing the shrimp for the stir fry.

“Can I help you with anything?” Mikasa asked.

“Just keep the little one in line. Please.”

“Mama, did I tell you I can spell elephant?”

“You did!” she said cheerily as she chopped up some green onions. “Could you spell it for me again? I forgot.”

Andrew grinned. “E-L-E-P-H-A-N-T!”

“That’s right, isn’t it? E-L-E-F-A-N-T,” Annie said slyly.

“Nuh-uh!” Andrew said. Annie put a skillet on the burner and heated it as Andrew continued spelling elephant.

“Do you want any tofu in this one, Drew?”

“NO!” he screeched. “Tofu is the nasty white cube stuff!”

“Okay then. Extra _extra_ tofu for Andrew.”

“Nooooo,” he giggled.

Mikasa watched Annie closely as she cooked. She was a businesswoman, a mother, an artist of elephants, and a chef. She was raising a delightful son who was overflowing with curiosity and joy. She was glad she didn’t listen to her friends at work. Beneath Annie’s cold blue eyes was an infinity of warmth. Soon Annie’s skillet was frying with shrimp, green onions, shallots, garlic, edamame, and a curry sauce that had Mikasa a little worried.

When Annie served the stir fry, Andrew dug right in, getting curry sauce all over his hands and face. Annie rolled her eyes good-naturedly. Mikasa stared at the shrimp on her fork long enough that Annie took notice.

“Is something wrong?” Annie asked.

“Oh…no, I’m just worried that I don’t handle spicy foods very well.”

“You should have told me. I’d have made a soy sauce base instead. But if a three-year-old can handle it,” she gestured to Andrew’s mess, “then you can too. It’s not so bad.”

“Okay…” Mikasa said, still uneasy. She put the shrimp in her mouth, and turned bright red. It was so spicy it made her cough.

Annie just laughed and got her a glass of milk. “Here. Sorry about that. I’ll make you a sandwich.”

“Oh, you don’t have to, Annie.”

“Listen. For all you did today, you’re getting a meal that won’t make you choke. Turkey or ham?”

“…Ham.”

“I want hammy too,” Andrew said.

“My, my, Drew,” Annie said. “Are you already done with all your shrimpies? I’ll get you more, but the hammy is for Mikasa.”

Hearing Annie say “shrimpies” and “hammy” would have shocked Mikasa only a day ago, but here she was using baby talk right in front of Mikasa who had to stifle a laugh.

“Ach, I didn’t change out of my suit!” Annie said once they all finished their meals. “That was careless of me, but it looks like I didn’t ruin it with curry sauce. That’s a miracle. I’ll go change now.”

Once Andrew and Mikasa were alone, Andrew climbed onto Mikasa’s lap. He played with her hair and patted her cheeks. Then he looked suddenly thoughtful, and said, “Mikasa, you take good care of Mama.”

“Okay,” Mikasa laughed.

“I’m not funny! I’m for real. Mama has fun with you. Take good care of Mama.”

“Alright,” Mikasa said. “I will.”

Annie came back dressed in jeans and a Trost U shirt. “Okay,” she said. “Who wants dessert?”

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!” Andrew said.

“Nobody?” Annie said looking around.

“Meeee!” Andrew said desperately.

“Well, I guess I’ll just eat a huge block of tofu all by myself…”

Andrew at last got the joke, and began to laugh. Annie pulled a cheesecake from out of the freezer.

“It has to thaw for a while,” she said. “In the meantime, I wanna hear all about Andrew’s day.”

“It was so good, Mama! I know almost all the letters now, and I can still spell elephant…”

Mikasa let the warm conversation fill her. She hadn’t gotten a childhood like this, not even close, and she had _both_ parents neglecting her. Here was one parent singlehandedly doing her best for her only son. She found herself becoming misty eyed, and was quick to hide it. She saw Annie eying her. Thinking quickly, she asked where the bathroom was and excused herself. She rinsed her face, and stared at herself in the mirror. _You’re okay,_ she thought. _You’re just jealous._ But she knew this went beyond jealousy. Her heart was pounding, and she felt herself breaking into a sweat. Yes, this was way beyond jealousy, but what it was she couldn’t name. She calmed herself, and returned to the kitchen.

“Mama, how much longer for the cheesecake?” Andrew asked.

“Give it twenty minutes, okay?”

“Okay,” he said somewhat sadly.

“Better?” Annie asked Mikasa quietly.

“…Yeah,” she said. “So I heard you two are Deutsche?”

“We are very Deutsche, yes!” Annie said.

“Doy-chuh! Doy-chuh!” Andrew echoed.

“At least my side of the family is. Very German. I actually lived there ‘til I was about Andrew’s age. Soon enough to get the American accent.”

“So you’re fluent?”

“That’s right.”

“So tell me something.”

“In German?”

“Yes.”

“Okay… Als wir zerfielen einst in Du und Ich, Und unsere Betten standen Hier und Dort, Ernannten wir ein unauffällig Wort, Das sollte heißen: ich berühre dich.”

“What was that?”

“Just a little love poetry by Brecht,” Annie said airily.

“Can you translate it?”

“No,” she said, resting her elbows on the table. “Some things are best left said the way they already are.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously,” she said.

“Mamaaa, cheesecake!” Andrew whined.

“Andrew, you’re incorrigible. Can you spell that? Incorrigible.”

“Incogbible…” he said quietly.

“I guess we could try the cheesecake,” Annie said. She got up, and took the cheesecake off the counter, placing it in the center of the table. Andrew was already reaching for it. “Wait ‘til I get plates and forks, silly boy.”

When everything was ready they all three tried in vain to cut into their slices.

“Still too frozen,” Annie sighed.

Andrew was trying to eat it with his hands.

“We could try microwaving it,” Mikasa suggested.

“Mikasa, this is why I keep you around.” She moved all the cheesecake to one plate and put it in the microwave. While it was heating she asked Mikasa, “So what are you? Nationality-wise I mean.”

“She’s Scottish and Japapanese,” Andrew answered for her.

“Really,” Annie said. “That’s an interesting mix.”

“Oh, I know,” Mikasa said. “I’ve heard that my whole life.”

The microwave rang out a shrill beep, and Annie got the cheesecake out. She tested a fork on it, and saw that it cut through. “Okay,” Annie said. “It’s ready.” She redistributed the slices onto their plates, and they dug in.

“Hoooot,” Andrew said through a mouthful of cheesecake. He spat it back onto his plate. “Too hot, Mama.”

“Andrew! Bad manners,” Annie chided.

“My tongue’s burned off!” he said.

“Is not,” Annie scoffed with a small smile playing on her lips. “So do you know any Japanese?”

“I don’t,” Mikasa admitted regretfully. “I knew some when I was little, but it’s all gone now.”

“That’s too bad,” Annie said.

“Yeah. I hope to learn it someday.”

“No time like the present.”

“I just don’t know where to begin,” Mikasa said.

“You could take a class,” Annie suggested.

“I guess I could,” Mikasa said with doubt.

“Oh, come on,” Annie said. “Nothing makes me madder than when people talk about their dreams and talk themselves out of them in the same breath. I’d like to think I’m paying you well, so spend some of that cash on a class.”

Mikasa took a bite of her cheesecake and thought it over. She was reluctant to admit how scary the idea was to her. It wasn’t the prospect of taking a class or doing homework that frightened her. Rather it was that she’d be reconnecting with her father through his native language. Mikasa would do anything to make sure their connection remained severed.

“I can tell it’s important to you,” Annie said.

“It is. But I’ll… I’ll think about it.”

“Alright,” Annie sighed. “Think about it.”

They finished their dessert, and Mikasa decided it was time to head home.

“Mikasa’s leaving?” Andrew asked as she put on her shoes.

“Yup,” Annie said. “Say goodbye.”

Andrew ran at Mikasa full force, nearly knocking her over. “Buh bye, Mikasa!”

“Bye, little guy.”

Annie scooped him up and hugged him close. “Still remember how to spell elephant?” she asked him.

“E-L-E-P-H-A-N-T.”

“Very good,” Mikasa said. “I’ll see you around, Andrew.”

“Thank you so much,” Annie said. “For today.”

“Not a problem,” Mikasa said. “I’ll see you Monday.”

“See you,” Annie said.

It was late in the evening when Mikasa got home.

“Where have you been?” Eren asked from his usual spot on the couch, playing Mario Kart. “It’s super late. Don’t tell me your crush made you work late.”

“She left early too,” Armin said. “Blue shell,” he warned Eren before destroying him.

“What? Nooooo.”

“Ahahaha!”

Seeing they were distracted, Mikasa went to her room. She got ready for bed, but laid awake for a long time. She would get something to drink and calm her nerves, but she didn’t want to risk Armin and Eren noticing any loss of whiskey. Her mind was firing at full speed. She thought of Andrew. And Annie. And elephants. And about a tangle of German words, love poetry recited in secret by the woman she so admired. She longed to touch the chest that breathed life into the German phrases she could not catch, longed to decipher the sentences on Annie’s tongue with her own, longed to kiss the words as they came out, one by one, each understood and appreciated in all their beauty. And as Mikasa longed and longed, she was pulled into a deep, dreamless night of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andrew totally ships em.


	11. Meeting

“First look from morning's window

The rediscovered book

Fascinated faces

Snow, the change of the seasons

The newspaper

The dog.”

-Bertolt Brecht, Pleasures

 

On Monday Mikasa drove into the parking garage. She was once again surprised at how cold it had been getting recently. She walked through the garage in her high heels, reminding herself that it wasn’t even winter yet and she’d better get used to it.

As she approached the garage’s exit, she noticed Annie at the door, waiting for her.

“Thanks,” Mikasa said as Annie held the door for her. “How’s Andrew?”

“Feisty as always. And he can still spell elephant. I’m kind of surprised.”

“Guess I’m a good teacher.”

“Ha. Did I tell you we have a big meeting today? It’s uptown. I’ll drive.”

“Oh, okay,” Mikasa said. “What time?”

“We should leave at 2:30.”

They went inside, working together but alone at Annie’s big wooden desk, each absorbed in their own tasks. Mikasa, on her part, could stand to be a bit _more_ absorbed. She was worried about the meeting. “A big meeting,” Annie had called it. What was Mikasa supposed to do at this big meeting? She didn’t want to let Annie down. She wished she could talk to her friends. Ymir would have plenty to say about the uppity businessmen she was sure to meet, and Connie and Sasha would joke her nerves away, while Historia soothed her. But at lunchtime there was only Annie, and Mikasa was afraid to confide in her, not wanting to appear weak.

“Okay,” Annie said as they were almost finished with lunch. “I’ll bite. What is it?”

“W-what?” Mikasa said, flustered.

“What are you worried about now?” Annie scolded.

“Oh, just… the big meeting?”

Annie sighed and pressed her palms to her closed eyes. “Mikasaaaa. You can talk to me, you know? You don’t have to wait until you’re exploding with worry. You can ask me things.”

“Okay. Sorry,” Mikasa said.

“The meeting’s not all that big. It’s really just a formality that we be there. You’ll be taking minutes for me. Well, actually you’ll be taking them and sending them to everyone there. All you have to do is write down the important stuff. Not like a court stenographer. You don’t have to get everything. Feel better?”

“Yes. Thank you.”

“Looks like we have some time to kill. Here,” she said as she reached into her bag. She threw a small book onto the desk between them. “Go crazy.”

“Brecht? The poet you recited to me last week?”

“The one and only. This one has English and German. Congratulations, you’ve inspired me to read poetry again.”

“I’m honored,” Mikasa said.

“I still have some work to do, but there’s nothing else I can think of for you, so just read that. And tell me your favorite.”

Mikasa read through them. They weren’t all love poems. One was about a writer incensed about the fact that his books were not burned in a Third Reich book burning. Another was a call to workers to join the United Front. But her favorite was called “Pleasures,” and that’s what she reported to Annie once she was done.

“First look from morning's window, The rediscovered book, Fascinated faces, Snow, the change of the seasons, The newspaper, The dog,” she recited.

“Ah, yes, that’s a nice one,” Annie said, engaging Mikasa with one of her lovely small, soft smiles. “What time is it?”

“2:40.”

“Crap. We have to go.”

They went to Annie’s car (which seemed somehow even dirtier than before), and sped through the city. Annie drove aggressively, something Mikasa hadn’t noticed the last time she drove with Annie.

“Annie…” she said after witnessing her cut off yet another driver.

“I hate being late,” Annie said. She had a devilish look in her eye, as if she didn’t care how many people she’d have to run over to get to her meeting on time. They arrived five minutes early to a building that Mikasa had never been in before. The lobby was posh and decadent. In its center was a sleek marble desk at which sat a beautiful woman.

“Who are you seeing today?”

“Darius Zackly,” Annie said impatiently.

The woman looked through her planner for a moment. Mikasa thought Annie would blow a fuse.

“And your name?” the woman said.

“Annie Leonhardt.”

“Ah, yes, Ms. Leonhardt. 18th floor, conference room B.”

“Thank you,” Annie said curtly. She quickly strode away, Mikasa barely keeping up.

Annie pressed the button for the elevator. “Come on,” she murmured.

Once they entered the elevator and the doors closed, Annie unleashed a tirade. “I can’t believe I always have to wait for that prissy bimbo to leaf through her little booklet. It’s not… efficient. It’s _always_ the 18 th floor. And it’s _always_ conference room B. Can’t fucking believe it.”

Mikasa noted to never be late in Annie’s presence, and to never make her late herself.

The floor they arrived at looked much like the office Mikasa worked in every day. The main difference was two large conference rooms that dominated the center of the office. They were walled in glass, and Mikasa could see a crowd of people in one of them, all shaking hands and smiling.

“We’re late,” Annie said with distaste.

They went into the conference room, and Annie seemed to become a different person. She was smiling and animated, but not the way she was around Andrew. Mikasa could see here that it was a plastered on smile, a smile purely for survival. Annie introduced Mikasa first to Darius Zackly, an older, grey-haired man with an air of superiority around him. Then she introduced her to Bertholdt, who she had seen at the bar and the farmer’s market with…

It was the next man she was introduced to that made her stop. Annie said he was Reiner Braun, but Mikasa recognized him instantly as the man who walked hand in hand with Bertholdt at the farmer’s market. Mikasa was so shocked that she almost didn’t shake his hand. She realized in time that she was openly staring at him and managed to correct her mistake.

“I feel like I’ve seen you before,” she (half) lied to him.

“Maybe,” Reiner said.

“I know I’ve seen you. At the bar?” Bertholdt said.

“Are you out drinking without me?” Reiner asked.

“Just with Annie,” Bertholdt said sheepishly.

“Watch out for her,” Reiner said. “She can drink you under the table any day.”

Annie rolled her eyes. “Please,” she said.

The meeting began. It was a lot of technical jargon that Mikasa could barely follow, but she was able to get everything down on her notepad nonetheless. Halfway through the meeting, she found her eyes gravitating toward Bertholdt’s, whose own eyes were drifting over to Reiner a few seats away. She looked at Reiner. He seemed not to share Bertholdt’s interest, but it had to be him, right? The tall, brawny blonde from the farmer’s market. Mikasa was almost certain she wasn’t mistaken.

“Mikasa,” she heard Annie say beside her. “Did you get that?” The whole room had gone silent, and Mikasa realized with horror that she was staring at Reiner Braun.

“Uh, sorry,” she said, looking away quickly. “What was that?”

The meeting went on without any more hitches. Before she knew it, it was over, and they all went back to shaking hands and smiling their fake, plastic smiles. She awkwardly shook hands with both Reiner and Bertholdt, and she left with Annie.

It was when they were almost to the parking garage that Annie asked. “How did you find out?”

“Find out what?” Mikasa asked, though she had an idea what.

“Bert and Reiner,” Annie said.

“Oh. I saw them at a farmer’s market… together.”

“What, were they making out by the zucchinis?” Annie said, exasperated.

“Holding hands.”

Annie laughed. “They really need to be more careful. Idiots. It was always obvious to me, but we wouldn’t want our business partners to know. People can be… bad,” Annie finished softly.

“Yeah…” Mikasa said.

By the time they got back it was time to go home. Annie dropped Mikasa off at her car.

“Mikasa,” she said. “Can I count on your discretion?”

“Of course,” Mikasa said. She wouldn’t even tell her roommates. They didn’t need to know.

Mikasa went home that night with mixed feelings about her day. She had successfully pulled off her first meeting, but had almost blown it by staring at Reiner. She’d have to learn to be less obvious all the time. She fell asleep with these worries, and Brecht’s “Pleasures” running through her head.

 


	12. Palm

“Be near me now,

My tormenter, my love, be near me—

At this hour when night comes down,

When, having drunk from the gash of sunset, darkness comes

With the balm of musk in its hands, its diamond lancets,

When it comes with cries of lamentation,

                                             with laughter with songs;”

-Faiz Ahmed Faiz, Be Near Me

 

The months passed quickly, and the weather in Trost worsened. Before Mikasa knew it, it was December, the holidays fast approaching. She hadn’t seen much of her work friends, having spent her lunches with Annie. She also went to all of Annie’s meetings, taking the minutes, and doing whatever else Annie asked of her. From time to time, Andrew was too ill to go to daycare, and Mikasa took care of him. He was learning his letters rapidly, though he couldn’t yet match the letters to sounds. Still pretty good for a three-year-old.

It was a week before Christmas, and Mikasa hadn’t bought gifts for anyone. She wondered if she should get gifts for Connie, Sasha, Ymir, and Historia, but her question was answered when Sasha came up to her before work.

“Hey,” Sasha said. “I know we haven’t eaten lunch together or talked for a while, but we really miss you, and, well, do you wanna do a Secret Santa with us?”

“Sure,” Mikasa said. “I’d love to.”

“Great,” Sasha said. “We’re picking names at lunch. Eat with us?”

“Okay.”

Mikasa worked in close quarters with Annie all morning without bringing up lunch. When the time came for Annie to pull out her lunchbag, Mikasa hesitated.

“What is it?” Annie said boredly, apparently used to Mikasa’s silent worry.

“I was gonna eat lunch with my friends today…”

“Is that all? Go, go! Don’t let me stop you.” Annie shooed her away.

Mikasa felt bad, but went anyway.

“Hey guys,” she said at the door to the breakroom.

“Heeeeeeeey,” Connie said.

“Yo,” Ymir mumbled.

“Are you doing Secret Santa with us?” Historia asked excitedly.

“She is!” Sasha answered. She was holding a hat with five slips of paper inside. “Pick one,” she told Mikasa.

She took one and saw she had Ymir. _What do you get for the person who hates everything?_ she thought.

Ymir got hers and laughed. “I’m gonna have fun with this one,” she said.

Once everyone had picked, Sasha said, “Now don’t go telling anyone who you got, okay? There’s a $25 limit on your gift, and we’re meeting at my place on the 23rd to exchange.”

“I don’t know if we’ll be back on time,” Historia said.

“We can make it,” Ymir said.

“Where are you guys going?” Mikasa asked.

“California,” Historia said.

“Make sure you try the In-N-Out burgers for me,” Sasha said.

“You’ve told us a thousand times, Sasha,” Ymir said. “We’ll even take pictures for you.”

Sasha looked like she was about to drool.

“They can’t be that good,” Ymir said. “Get a hold of yourself, woman.”

“I’ve heard great things though,” Sasha said.

“They probably taste just like the burgers at McDonald’s.”

“The burgers of McDonald’s are a godsend,” Sasha said.

“Okay, whatever,” Ymir said.

The rest of lunch was mostly Ymir and Sasha arguing about burgers. When lunch was over, Mikasa said goodbye to everyone. The office would be on winter break after today, so they wouldn’t see each other for a while.

When Mikasa went back to Annie’s office, Annie was waiting for her.

“Mikasa,” she said. “I have a question for you.”

“Okay.”

“Are you free tonight?”

Annie looked nervous. That much was clear, though Mikasa had no idea why.

“I am,” Mikasa said. “Why?”

“I want to take you out,” Annie said. “To thank you. For everything you’ve done for me. Is that alright?”

“Yes, but you don’t have to go to so much trouble.”

“I think I do,” Annie said. “I know a really good Italian place. And Bert and Reiner are watching Andrew at their place tonight.”

“Okay. We’re going right after work?”

“Yeah. It’s by my place so you should probably take your car and I’ll take mine.”

Work went by slowly after that. Mikasa watched the sky grow dark through Annie’s large office window. Eventually they went to the parking garage together. Mikasa followed Annie out, headlights shining on the back of Annie’s sedan.

They drove through a small downtown area and parked behind a bank. When they got out of their cars, Annie said, “We’re not actually supposed to park here, but…”

“But you’re a rebel,” Mikasa finished for her.

“Yes,” Annie laughed. “And there’s never anywhere else to park. So.”

They walked to a small, hole-in-the-wall restaurant. Annie opened the door for Mikasa who stepped inside. It was very dimly lit, and purple velvet drapes prevented any outside light from sneaking inside. A beautiful violin melody played over speakers throughout the restaurant. The place was crowded, and Mikasa wasn’t sure they could get a table.

“Annie!” the maître d exclaimed. “No Andy tonight?”

“No,” she said. “But I’ll give him my leftovers, or there’ll be hell to pay.”

“Of course, of course,” the maître d said. “Right this way, ladies.”

He led them to a small booth in a back corner of the restaurant. They seated themselves, and he handed them menus. Mikasa sat facing the back wall of the restaurant. All she could see was Annie. The thought thrilled her for some reason. She could concentrate on Annie as much as she wanted: watching the sweep of her beautiful blonde hair and the cold steel of her blue eyes. Mikasa often found herself captivated not only by Annie’s looks, but by the hidden depths of her personality, the way she so rarely showed warmth…but when she did, it was huge. Mikasa hoped to spend more time with Annie and her son so she could bask in that warm glow even more. _I hate being so smitten,_ Mikasa thought then.

“Your server will be right with you,” the maître d said.

“So I take it you come here a lot,” Mikasa said.

“That’s right. Andrew’s obsessed with this place. And so am I. To a lesser degree.”

“Are you gonna order for me?”

“Can I?” Annie asked.

“Show me what you got,” Mikasa challenged.

“Okay,” Annie said, a cocky smile appearing on her face. Mikasa wanted to take a photo of that grin. Annie looked at the menu, then glanced up at Mikasa. “Okay,” she said again, closing the menu.

“That didn’t take long,” Mikasa said amusedly.

“Because I can read you like a book,” Annie said.

“Really,” Mikasa said.

“Really,” she replied.

“And what am I thinking right now?” Mikasa asked.

“You’re wondering what I ordered for you.”

“Damn. You’re good,” Mikasa said.

“You’re hungry. What else would you be thinking?”

Their waitress came over and introduced herself.

What will you have to drink?” she asked.

“We’ll take two glasses of Amarone,” Annie said.

“You always order that, don’t you?” the waitress said with a smile.

“I do,” Annie said. “Also, we’re ready to order.”

“Okay,” the waitress said, taking a notepad out of her apron.

“I’ll have the lasagne verdi al forno, and she’ll have the osso buco.”

“Alright,” the waitress said. “I’ll put the order in and bring you your Amarone.”

“Osso buco?” Mikasa asked.

“Veal,” Annie said.

“Oh.”

“It’s really good.”

“I’m sure it is. This place looks awfully fancy,” Mikasa said, looking around.

“If you’re trying to say you want to help pay for the meal, then forget about it. I’ve got this,” Annie said sternly.

“You’re reading my mind again, Annie?”

“Too easy,” she said.

The waitress arrived with the wine and filled their glasses. Mikasa took a sip. It was rich and red, the best wine she’d ever tasted (not knowing much besides cheap five dollar wines bought at the gas station and spilled on the carpet in the heat of a party). She told herself she’d only drink one glass.

“How do you like it?” Annie asked.

“It’s amazing,” Mikasa said. “So much better than Barefoot.” Just one glass.

“Oh, GOD, Barefoot. Got me through college,” Annie said. “Well, one and a half years of it anyway.”

“That’s right. I forgot you dropped out.”

“Yeah,” Annie said. “I’m a quitter. But then I fell into work with Bert and Reiner. They were establishing this plastics company, and… and I’m very lucky to have met them.” Annie sipped at her wine and stared pensively over Mikasa’s shoulder. “And now I’m here,” she said, fixing her gaze on Mikasa. “And I’m happy.”

“That’s good,” Mikasa said. She felt there was a hidden meaning in what Annie said. Mikasa felt naïve in her own hope: was it Mikasa that made Annie happy? She didn’t want to let go of that hope. “That’s really good,” she said.

It wasn’t long until their food arrived. Mikasa had three cuts of veal, each with a large bone in the middle. It all sat in a brown broth with carrots and onions. Annie’s own food was a lasagna full of spinach and other vegetables. Mikasa cut into the meat which was almost soft enough to fall off the bone. She took a bite and found it delicious.

“It’s so good,” she said with a full mouth.

“I know! Everything they have here is just like that,” Annie gushed. “Honestly my powers of ordering the right food for other people really don’t come into play here.”

They ate mainly in silence after that and thoroughly enjoyed their meals. Annie stopped when she was half finished, so she could bring it home to her son. Mikasa was touched to see, once again, how much Annie cared for Andrew. She was an excellent mother, Mikasa thought.

Mikasa had her right hand laid on the table next to her wine glass when Annie laid her hand on hers. “Mikasa,” Annie said. “Have I ever told you…” and she grazed her fingers over the back of Mikasa’s hand, “…that I can read palms?”

“N-no,” Mikasa said, flustered.

“Let me read you,” Annie said and flipped Mikasa’s hand so her palm was facing upward, and she cupped her own left hand under it. With her right she traced her finger along the line at the bottom of her palm. “This,” Annie said, “is the life line. See the way it curves like this? It means you live with strength and vitality. And this one,” Annie traced her finger on the middle line, “is the head line. Yours is long and deep. It means you have very clear and focused thinking. I’d say that’s true, wouldn’t you?” She looked up at Mikasa.

“Yes, I guess so,” Mikasa said. Right now all she could think about was how Annie was touching her. It was an intimate gesture, one Mikasa did not expect. It made her heart thump wildly.

“And this,” Annie said, tracing the line nearest Mikasa’s fingers, “is the love line. And yours is telling me… you have experienced trauma in the past.”

Mikasa only nodded at this, and Annie must have seen the look in her eyes, because she didn’t ask any questions.

“Okay,” Annie said and closed Mikasa’s palm. She rested her hands there for a moment then withdrew them. Mikasa missed the warmth of Annie’s hands immediately.

The check came, and Annie paid it. She got her food boxed up for Andrew. Mikasa realized that their night together was almost over. She felt her heart sink further.

“Should we head back to my place? I don’t have Amarone there, but we can have something else.

“Sure,” Mikasa said in a way she immediately regretted as too eager.

When they arrived at Annie’s house, they found they were not alone. A red Jeep was parked in the driveway.

“That’s Reiner’s car,” Annie said when they got out. The night air was crisp and cool. Mikasa shivered and wrapped her arms around herself.

When Annie opened the door, Andrew bolted for her.

 “Mama!”

“Hey! I’m home. But what are you doing here, little man?”

Reiner answered from the couch. “He kept making us read him books.”

“Then it got too late to drive into the city so we stayed here,” Bertholdt said.

“Okay,” Annie said. “We were gonna have some wine now. Join us?”

“Of course,” Reiner and Bertholdt said in unison. They all laughed.

“Wine for me?” Andrew asked as he reached out his little arms for Annie to pick him up.

“No wine for Andrew,” Annie said and lifted him into the air. “And I think it’s about time you went to bed.”

“Nooo,” Andrew whined. “I don’t wanna.”

“One hour,” Annie said. This seemed to appease him as he nuzzled his head into Annie’s neck. She put him down and invited everyone into the kitchen. The wine Annie served was good.

“Somewhere between Barefoot and Amarone,” Mikasa said.

“That’s a wide scale,” Reiner said.

“I wanna try,” Andrew mewled from his spot on the floor.

“I’ll give you grape juice,” Annie said.

“I want wine!”

“I’m giving you _baby_ wine,” Annie said.

“It’s wine?” Andrew asked.

“For babies.”

“You’re lying,” Andrew said with suspicion.

“No, really,” Annie said. “Wine is made from grapes, and grape juice is made from grapes. Seriously.”

“…Okay,” Andrew said guardedly.

Annie went to the fridge and half-filled a wine glass with grape juice. “Don’t spill.”

“I wanna sit at the table,” Andrew said.

Annie scoffed. “So demanding, little one.” She pulled out a chair for him and set his glass on the table. Andrew climbed onto his chair and sat proudly with the grown-ups. He cupped his glass in both hands and sipped.

“How’s it taste?” Reiner asked.

“Splendid,” Andrew said and made everyone laugh.

“Are you feeling it?” Bertholdt asked.

“Oh yeah,” Andrew said.

“That Welch’s can really hit you fast,” Reiner said.

“ _Tell_ me about it,” Andrew said, making everyone laugh again.

“You are the funniest three-year-old I’ve ever met,” Mikasa said.

“I’m almost four,” he said holding up five fingers.

“That’s right. He turns four on New Year’s Day,” Annie said.

“Reiner and I are having the party at our place this year,” Bertholdt said. “You should come, Mikasa. Andrew tries to stay awake ‘til his birthday. Last year he made it to 10:30.”

“I’m gonna be awake this time!” Andrew exclaimed, almost spilling his glass and getting a glare from his mother.

“That’s right, Mikasa, you should come. Bert and Reiner have this swanky apartment in the city. They’re totally ‘roommates’ together,” Annie said mischeviously.

“Annie!” Bertholdt said nervously.

“She _saw_ you two at the farmer’s market. Idiots,” Annie said.

“Oh,” Reiner said.

“Yeah,” Annie said flatly.

“Daddy,” Andrew said suddenly. “Will there be more baby wine at my party?”

“Of course,” Bertholdt said. “But we have new white carpets so you can have a sippy cup.”

“I’m gonna be too old for a sippy…”

They went on talking, their voices fading as Mikasa looked from Bertholdt to Andrew and back to Bertholdt. How had she not noticed before? The brown hair, the long nose, the green eyes that perfectly mirrored Bertholdt’s. Now Mikasa looked from Berthodlt to Annie, only to find that Annie was staring with what looked like boredom at Mikasa.

“Oh, that’s right,” Annie said as Bertholdt and Andrew continued their own conversation. “I didn’t tell you. Surprise.”

“Oh,” Mikasa said. “O-okay.”

Annie let out a bitter laugh. “Okay.”

Mikasa cursed herself inwardly for being so damn awkward. But what was she supposed to say? The night continued with Annie sitting mostly in a cold silence that baffled Reiner and Bertholdt. The two soon left, grabbing up Andrew in huge hugs that he giggled against, and ruffling Annie’s hair until she snapped at them.

“Jesus, Annie’s in some mood,” Reiner said. Annie looked to Mikasa like she was about to growl.

“Yeah, we’d better get out of here fast,” Bertholdt said. “Bye, Andy boy! Good luck.”

Andrew squirmed, now hyper aware of his mother’s foul mood. Bertholdt and Reiner left. It was just the three of them now.

“Did I do something wrong?” Andrew said with the threat of tears in his eyes.

“Oh, baby, no,” Annie softened. “Go get ready for bed. And don’t skip brushing your teeth. You know I can tell.”

“Okay, Mama.” Andrew scampered off, happier now that he knew his mother wasn’t mad at him.

Annie let out a sigh. “I’m sorry,” she said. “This isn’t how I expected the rest of the night to go.”

“No. It’s okay. I had fun.”

“It’s just…” Annie began. “I’m afraid to have pictures of my own son at work, because _everyone_ can see he looks exactly like Bertholdt. That’s been the hot gossip around the office for almost four years now. You’d think they’d find something else to talk about.”

“Yeah,” Mikasa said. “I mean… I’m sorry. That really sucks.”

“I’d better check on Andrew.”

“Okay. I’ll get going now,” Mikasa said.

“SAY GOODBYE TO ME,” she heard Andrew yell, along with his feet slapping down the hall. He appeared in the kitchen wearing pink elephant pajamas.

“Ooh, I like your pink PJs,” Mikasa said.

“Mama says I defy the gender normals,” Andrew recited.

“That’s right,” Annie said. “Say goodbye to Mikasa now.”

Andrew wrapped his arms tightly around her legs. “Byebye, Mikasa,” he said.

“Bye, Andrew.”

“I’m gonna brush my teeth,” he said and ran back down the hall.

“Thank you for coming out tonight, Mikasa,” Annie said and wrapped her in a soft hug. Mikasa, too surprised to hug back, stood there, smelling the flowery scent of Annie’s perfume. It mixed intoxicatingly with the fruity scent of her hair. She was sure that Annie could feel Mikasa’s heart beating as wildly as it had when she held her hand at the restaurant. The embrace ended too soon, leaving Mikasa red-faced and tight of breath. Annie didn’t seem to notice or pretended not to.

Mikasa got home knowing exactly what she was going to do. She checked around for Eren and Armin. Both weren’t home, most likely celebrating the start of winter break. Mikasa grabbed a quarter-full bottle of wine (Barefoot) and locked herself in her room. She drank from the bottle liberally and began to strip off her clothes. The warmth of the wine sank through her, heating her up in spite of the autumn chill that hit her bedroom.

When she finished her wine, she laid the bottle on the nightstand, laid down, and began to stroke her breasts. She thought of Annie’s embrace, their chests pushed together, Annie’s arms wrapped around her. She thought of Annie languidly stroking her right palm. She touched herself with her left, leaving her right palm open for Annie. The life line, the head line, the heart line, all touched so gracefully by Annie’s skilled hand.

_This isn’t how I expected the rest of the night to go,_ Mikasa heard Annie whisper. _But I like it,_ Annie said as she kissed her. _And I like you._

_And I like you too,_ she thought. _I like you a whole lot._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> baby wine


	13. Risk

And days of auld lang syne, my dear,

And days of auld lang syne.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And days of auld lang syne?

-Auld Lang Syne

 

On the day before Christmas Eve, Mikasa went to Sasha’s place to exchange gifts. Connie was already there (since he pretty much lived there anyway), and so were Historia and Ymir. They were on the loveseat, and Ymir had her arm slung around Historia who cuddled up to her.

“Hey, Mikasa,” Sasha said. “Have some drinky drink.” She handed her a glass of white wine. Mikasa took a sip. Definitely Barefoot.

They sat on the two couches in the living room and put their gifts on the coffee table between them. “Who goes first?” Connie asked.

“I think you should open yours, Connie. It’s from me,” Sasha said.

“Ooh,” he said, opening a small, long package. “Bacon flavored toothpaste! Aw, babe. I have to try this.”

“Honestly that sounds really gross,” Ymir said.

“You’re just not a true bacon aficionado like ourselves,” Sasha said snootily.

“Whatever,” Ymir said.

“Maybe you’ll like the gift I got you,” Mikasa said and handed her a blue box. Ymir opened it and gasped.

“It’s so beautiful,” Ymir said. “It’s perfect.” Everyone leaned in to see what had softened Ymir. She took the t-shirt out of the box and showed it to Historia.

“So that’s why you took my picture,” Historia said to Mikasa.

“Right.” Mikasa had made a custom t-shirt for Ymir with Historia making a peace sign. She edited a flower crown onto her and added pastel words like “kawaii” and “peace out.” Mikasa had figured that Historia was the only person Ymir cherished, so she used it to her advantage when deciding on a gift.

“Thank you, Mikasa,” Ymir said and actually got up to hug her. The whole room went into a state of shock but quickly recovered. Mikasa felt warm from all the affection and wine in the room.

Historia was the next to open her gift. It was a white box, and as soon as she opened the lid she closed it.

“It’s from me,” Ymir said, barely containing an evil giggle.

“I gathered that,” Historia said. She was blushing like crazy.

“Are we gonna see this embarrassing gift?” Connie asked.

“Not on your life,” Historia said.

“Aw, you’re not gonna share?” Ymir asked.

“I am throwing it away once I get home.”

“You insult me,” Ymir said with a smile.

“Too bad,” Historia said. “Open your gift, Sasha. It’s from me.”

Sasha dug into a large green bag and pulled out something wrapped in foil. When she saw the In-N-Out Burger logo on it, she shrieked. “YOU DIDN’T. OH MY GOD. YOU DID.”

“We brought a cooler with us to California,” Historia said.

“There’s ten of them in there,” Ymir said. “Don’t eat them all at once.”

Sasha was already stuffing her face with her first. It didn’t appear that she was listening.

Mikasa was the last to open her gift. It was from Connie who had wrapped it pretty poorly in newspaper comics. She saw it was a white mug, and when she turned in over she laughed. In big bold letters it said “BOSS ASS BITCH.”

“Thank you, Connie. I love it. Though maybe I should regift it to Annie.”

“If you remove the ‘boss ass’ first maybe,” Ymir said.

Mikasa drained her wine, her fourth glass.

“Yeah,” Connie said. “But I think she’d kill you.”

“I keep telling you guys she’s not that bad,” Mikasa said. “She might act cold sometimes, but she’s actually really cool. And she’s a great mother.”

“Oh my God,” Sasha said through a mouth full of burger. “You’ve met her son?”

“Yeah, a bunch of times actually.”

“Is it true?” Connie asked.

“Is what true?”

“That he looks exactly like Bertholdt Hoover,” Connie said.

“Why does that matter?” Mikasa asked, peeved. Her head was swimming from all the alcohol, and she felt herself getting lost in her anger.

“Because she was totally dating Reiner Braun. Like for real,” Ymir said.

“We don’t know how the three of them can still work together,” Sasha said.

“Yeah,” Historia agreed. “They really seem fine when they’re together. It’s weird.”

“She wouldn’t like this,” Mikasa said.

“She’d fire us on the spot,” Connie said. “But she’s not here, and she cheated on Reiner.”

“With his best friend,” Sasha added.

“Whatever. You guys are being assholes,” Mikasa said and stood up. “Thank you for the gift, Connie.” She grabbed her stuff and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” Sasha asked.

“Home,” she said. “I can’t deal with this shit right now.”

She slammed the door on her way out.

She felt stupid as soon as she did it and felt stupid driving home. She felt stupid walking into her apartment and even more stupid when she explained what happened to Armin and Eren.

“They don’t know any better, Mikasa,” Armin said. He was playing Mario Kart again with Eren, but he still managed to give Mikasa his attention.

“And they’re not in loooooooove,” Eren sang.

She unplugged Eren’s controller.

“Aw, come on, ‘Kasa.”

“You’ve committed a great sin here, Mikasa,” Armin said. “But thanks for letting me win. Anyway, Mikasa, everyone gossips. And if you didn’t know her so well, you’d be gossiping just as much.”

“But I don’t wanna admit that,” Mikasa groaned as she dived onto the couch (she took the spot Eren had when he got up to plug in his controller).

“Hey! Gimme my seat,” Eren said.

“Nuh. I’m too in love,” Mikasa said stubbornly.

“Well, at least you admit it,” Eren said as he sat on her lap.

“What base have you gotten to?” Armin asked.

“’MIN!” Eren yelled.

“That was unexpected,” Mikasa said and then, “What base is handholding?”

“I think that’s half base,” Armin said thoughtfully. “Did you really hold hands?”

“Well, she read my palm. But before that she stroked the back of my hand with her fingers. It was like…ultra sexy.”

“Have you two had eye sex yet?” Eren asked.

“I don’t think so. I’ll have to try it.”

“Have you had eye sex with the angry custodian yet, Eren?”

“Him _glancing_ in my general direction is violent eye sex. It’s wonderful,” Eren said. “One time I spilled some coffee in the breakroom and he _scowled_ at me.”

“Dead sexy,” Armin said.

“Oh, you bet,” Eren said.

“I’m going to bed,” Mikasa said and struggled to get Eren off her lap.

“Merry Christmas Eve Eve!” Eren said.

“Yeah yeah.”

The next day, Mikasa texted Sasha to apologize.

Sasha: Its ok mikasa we wont talk about her anymore

Sasha: Not in front of you

Mikasa: Ok thanks

It was the most she could ask for, and she really was thankful.

Then she saw that she had a new text from an unknown number.

Unknown: Hey mikasa this is annie. Hopefully it doesn’t weird you out that your boss is texting you. I have your number on file. Just wanted to give you berts address. Also you can bring your boyfriend or whoever.

Mikasa: Ok.

She wondered why Annie would think she had a boyfriend. She quickly dismissed the thought once she felt her phone vibrate again.

Annie: We’ll also be celebrating andrews bday.

Mikasa: Could you ask him what he wants?

Annie: I dont have to ask.

Annie: Elephants.

Annie: Its an elephant themed party.

Annie: Again.

Mikasa: Haha. I’ll find something.

Annie: What are you doing today?

Mikasa: Nothing. Y?

Annie: Just wondering.

Mikasa: O

Mikasa: I guess ill be playing mario kart with the roomies

Annie: Never played

Mikasa: :0

Annie: Im old

And somehow, they continued to text throughout the day. Mikasa slayed the boys at Mario Kart and had Annie to tell about it. When it got late, Annie was still there.

Annie: I put andrew to bed

Annie: I go to bed now too

Annie: Cuz im ooooold

Mikasa: Ill be up for a bit

Mikasa: Cuz im yooooung

Annie: Ur a baby

Mikasa: Goodnight ;)

Annie: Goodnight <3

That little heart sent shivers down Mikasa’s spine. That little heart grew so big it kept her up all night. That little heart meant love and affection and all the things Annie kept under the surface. That little heart…

Mikasa didn’t do anything for Christmas. Armin and Eren went home to their families. Eren begged Mikasa to come home with him, but Mikasa didn’t want to impose. The Jaeger household was pretty much her second home, but she felt awkward being there on holidays.

Christmas day Annie said Andrew was going crazy over a big stuffed elephant she got him. She sent Mikasa a picture of Andrew sitting on top of a huge stuffed elephant with a pink bow on its head. He looked like he was about to die of happiness.

Annie: He named her rosie.

Annie: I think im gonna put the pic in my office. Fuck everyone else its cute.

Mikasa: Do it!!!!!!

Of course Armin and Eren helped her analyze all of her texts from Annie. The heart was the subject of lengthy discourse.

“She’s flirting with you,” Armin said.

“And Mikasa flirted first,” Eren said. “Look at the winky face there.”

“Mikasa, you whore!”

“’MIN!”

New Year’s Eve arrived, and Mikasa didn’t know what to wear. She could put on her lowcut black sweater, but it was a little _too_ lowcut. She could wear her beige sweater, but that was…beige. Boring. She looked through her whole closet and realized she didn’t own a single dress or skirt. Eventually she decided to go with the black sweater but wore a red scarf over it. Genius.

It didn’t take Mikasa long to find Bertholdt and Reiner’s apartment. It was tucked away in an upscale neighborhood, a place with fancy grocery stores and boutiques like Mina’s. She got buzzed in. The foyer to the apartment complex was painted in beautiful shades of gold, with high ceilings and huge windows overlooking the street. The elevators were mirrored so that Mikasa could make awkward eye contact with herself. When she arrived at Bertholdt and Reiner’s door, she could hear the murmur of music and people. She entered.

She didn’t see Annie or her son anywhere. The apartment was white-walled with black leather couches. There was no TV in sight (though there was a player piano where the TV might have been) and nothing hanging on the walls. As if to offset this, there were plants everywhere, sitting on the window sills, potted trees in the corners. It gave the apartment a very lived in feeling.

Mikasa saw Hanji talking someone’s ear off about God knows what and saw Reiner delivering two drinks to another couple. Everyone she saw had a wine glass or beer bottle in hand. There was a pile of birthday gifts on a table. Mikasa added hers. Then she saw Bertholdt coming toward her.

“Hey, Mikasa,” he said. “Take off your coat. We’ll put it in my room.” They walked to a small bedroom down the hall. A mound of coats was already piled on the bed. “I say my room, but it’s actually the guestroom. We’re sneaky that way,” he said with a smile.

“I see,” Mikasa said. “And who’s the one who got all the plants? I like them.”

“That’s me,” Bertholdt said. “Reiner would never remember to water them.”

They stayed there for some time, Bertholdt unleashing his vast knowledge of plants on Mikasa.

“And why aren’t you some sort of botanist?” she asked him.

He laughed. “Gosh, I don’t know,” he said. “Business came first, I guess.”

Reiner came into the room then. “There you are,” he said to Bertholdt. “Hi, Mikasa. Annie and Andrew should be here soon.”

As if on cue, they heard Andrew’s voice. “I am FOUR!” he shouted.

The three of them stepped out of the guest room. “Not yet,” Annie said. “You’re still three today.”

“Don’t ruin this for me,” Andrew said and made his mother smile.

“You’re right. Okay. Sorry.”

“Mikasa!” Andrew shouted when he saw her. He ran to her and hugged her tight around the legs. “See my new shirt?” he said.

“No, because you’re wearing a coat.”

“Oh, right,” Andrew said, hastily unzipping it and shedding it on the floor. “See?” he said, pointing to his green shirt with a fuzzy pink elephant patched on the front.

“Very nice,” Mikasa said, stroking it. “So fluffy.”

“Yes!” he said. “Did you get me elephants?”

“Andrew,” Annie said, wrapping him in a hug from behind. “You’ll find out later. Be patient.”

“When? When do I get to open presents?”

“After cake,” Annie said.

“When’s cake? When can I see my cake?”

“I dunno. Daddy has the cake.”

“It’s in the fridge,” Bertholdt said.

“Let’s go!” Andrew yelled and ran off to the kitchen, his father trailing after him.

“Hey,” Annie said to Mikasa. “Thanks for coming.”

“No problem,” Mikasa said.

Annie took off her coat. She was wearing a short pink dress with spaghetti straps. It sparkled and shined in the light.

“Bertholdt was just telling me about his plants,” Mikasa said, trying to distract herself from how fantastic Annie looked tonight.

“Oh, God,” Reiner said. “He’s worse than Hanji.”

“Somehow I doubt that,” Annie said, glancing over at Hanji who had the same guy she was talking to earlier cornered. He was desperately trying to inch away from her. “Poor man.”

Soon it was time for cake. Andrew made sure of it, pestering both his parents until they finally gave in. “Well, I guess everyone’s here now,” Annie said. “Should we do it?”

“Sure,” Bertholdt said. “I have candles somewhere.”

The cake was brought out. It was white, in the shape of an elephant, of course, with green frosting on the borders. They stuck five candles (one for luck) on the elephant’s head. When they sang for him, Mikasa stood next to Annie and was surprised to hear just how lovely her voice was.

As expected, he got a lot of elephant gifts. There was an elephant blanket; an elephant towel; elephant plastic plates, cup, and bowls; an elephant coloring book; and plenty of elephant clothes. He got to Mikasa’s gift, a large light blue ceramic elephant with a lid on its back.

“It’s a cookie jar,” she said.

“Thank you, Mikasa!” Andrew beamed at her.

“But… it’s heavy isn’t it?” she said.

He tried to lift it. “Yeah…”

“We might need to empty it.”

He opened the lid. “COOKIES!”

“No! We just had cake, Andrew,” Annie said but let him eat a few anyway.

The party hit a critical point where the music got louder and the lights got dimmed. Some people were dancing, while others chatted.

“You’re a really good singer,” Mikasa told Annie at one point.

“I’m an even better dancer.” She pulled Mikasa off the couch they were sitting on and took her closer to the stereo. An upbeat song by the Fitz and the Tantrums was playing. Annie bounced around and moved with great energy, her hands above her head and a smile on her face. Mikasa sort of swayed awkwardly to the music. She wasn’t much of a dancer. Annie noticed Mikasa barely moving and grabbed her hands, pulling them forward and back. Annie kicked lightly at Mikasa’s feet, forcing her to move.

Andrew came up to them with a big cookie sticking out of his mouth.

“Where’d you get that?” Annie asked.

“Elephant,” he said, smiling around the cookie.

“Wanna dance, little man?” Annie asked him.

He nodded, and she whisked him up in her arms. Mikasa was now out a dancing partner, so she sat down on the couch. Reiner soon joined her. They chatted, watching Annie and Andrew on the dance floor. Eventually Mikasa asked him how long he and Bertholdt had been together.

“It’s going on seven years now,” he said.

“Really?” Mikasa said. She couldn’t help it: she glanced at Annie and her son.

Reiner shook his head. “I guess Annie didn’t tell you. Me, her, and Bert were together at one point. Like a polyamorous relationship I mean.”

“Oh. That makes sense.”

Reiner laughed. “Most people don’t get it. It’s hard on Annie. She doesn’t handle the rumors well.”

“Yeah.” They watched Annie happily sway with Andrew.

“When we found out she was pregnant, things just… fell apart I guess. It got way too serious, you know?”

Mikasa nodded. “What I don’t get is… how do you keep everything a secret? It must be exhausting.”

“Oh, it is,” he said. “It is. But Bert and I are happy, and Annie’s happy with Andrew. Most of the people here know about me and Bert, and about the three of us. Bert and I are thinking of getting married, of coming out to everyone. But we’ve been thinking about it for a long time.”

“I hope you’re able to do it someday. The world’s getting more tolerant all the time.”

“That’s true,” Reiner said. “I feel better about it every time I consider it.”

The night wore on. Ten minutes before midnight they turned off the music and changed to the radio for the New Year’s countdown. Annie sat on the couch with a very drowsy Andrew in her arms. He crawled into Mikasa’s lap and toyed with her scarf.

“Are you gonna make it this time, ‘Drew?” Annie asked.

“Yes!” he said, then yawned.

“Really?” Annie said.

“Really,” he said, defiant.

“Any New Year’s resolutions?” Annie asked Mikasa.

“I haven’t really thought about it. Have you?”

“I guess you could say I want to take more risks,” Annie said, fidgeting and looking away from Mikasa.

“Like what?”

“You’ll see.”

Bert and Reiner were handing out glasses of Champagne. Annie and Mikasa both took one.

“Oh,” Annie said. “I was wondering for a second why he wasn’t asking for baby Champagne,” she said pointing at the now sleeping Andrew.

Mikasa looked at her watch. “11:54. That’s a shame. Should we wake him?”

“Nah. He’ll make it next year.”

Reiner and Bertholdt sat at the piano together, Reiner testing out the chords to “Auld Lang Syne.”

“They’re cute together, aren’t they?” Annie said after a silence.

“Yeah. Do you miss them?”

“Someone told you.”

“Reiner.”

“Ah.”

“So?”

“Yeah, I miss them. I miss them a lot. I think it wasn’t so hard on them as it was on me. They had each other. I had no one. Well, I had Andrew, but you know what I mean,” Annie said and ran a hand through her hair.

“And it’s better now,” Mikasa said.

“Oh, much better,” Annie agreed. “It doesn’t hurt to be friends with them. And Andrew’s okay. He has a mother and father who love him. And I…”

The seconds were counting down.

“…I’m not so lonely anymore.”

  1. 9.



Annie’s hand found Mikasa’s.

  1. 7.



Annie pulled Mikasa by the scarf.

  1. 5.



Mikasa’s breath hitched.       

  1. 3.



Annie’s eyes closed.

  1. 1.



Mikasa leaned into the kiss.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so headcanon that Armin says the most shocking, dirty stuff sometimes.
> 
> I do believe that Historia received an erotic pastry of some sort from Ymir.
> 
> Kudos to last week's commenter who tentatively asked for a New Year's kiss ;) As I was rereading it I got chills during the countdown LOL
> 
> So I have four more chapters already written after this one. I've left it alone for a long time. Time to get back into the groove! Of writing!
> 
> Happy New Year, everyone. Remember to fill 2017 with as much love and good will as you can.


	14. Strike

“You are

a concordance of person, number, voice,

and place, strawberries spread through your name  

as if it were budding shrubs, how you remind me  

of some spring, the waters as cool and clear

(late rain clings to your leaves, shaken by light wind),  

which is where you occur in grassy moonlight.”

-Reginald Shepherd, You, Therefore

 

The kiss was a deep one, Mikasa’s mouth sliding open, her tongue slicking against Annie’s. Annie still had one hand on Mikasa’s scarf and the other caressed Mikasa’s face. Mikasa had one arm around the sleeping Andrew, and her other tangled into Annie’s hair. She gave a tug, and Annie moaned, which snapped Mikasa back to reality.

They separated, cautiously glanced around to see if anyone had watched them, then turned back to each other giggling and blushing.

“It wasn’t supposed to last that long,” Annie said, looking away from Mikasa.

“It’s okay,” Mikasa said.

“I was gonna be all cool,” Annie said, burying her face in her hands. “I was gonna kiss you and say happy New Year, but…”

“But passion took hold,” Mikasa finished for her.

“Oh, God,” Annie said and laughed.

Annie still wasn’t looking at her. Mikasa took the time to study Annie’s profile. She could see one blue eye, the other covered by her blonde hair. She had a slightly hooked nose. Not to say it was ugly. The way it fell in with the rest of her features was endearing. Annie gave into her stares. “What?” she said.

“Just looking,” Mikasa said, trying to hide her smile.

“And do you like what you see?” she asked. Their hands found each other on the couch again.

“Yeah. I like it a lot actually.”

Annie smiled at that.

Andrew stirred in Mikasa’s lap. He rubbed at his eyes.

“Aw, jeez,” he said sleepily. “I missed it again, didn’t I?”

“You sure did, buddy,” Annie said.

“Next year,” he mumbled.

“Next year for sure,” she agreed.

“Can I get a cookie?” he asked.

“Just one,” Annie warned.

Andrew slid off Mikasa’s lap and toddled off to his elephant cookie jar.

“That boy’s trouble,” Annie said softly.

“Just like his mother,” Mikasa said.

“Hey,” Annie said, punching her on the arm. “You know you love it.”

“I don’t know anything,” Mikasa said, folding her arms.

“Fine then. No more for you tonight.”

“No more cookies?”

“No more cookies, cake, or anything else,” Annie said.

“Well, what if I knew one thing?” Mikasa asked.

“It depends on what that one thing is.”

“I know you look gorgeous tonight.”

“Ha! Don’t sweet talk your way out of this one,” Annie said. She was blushing. Did she look uncomfortable? She wouldn’t meet Mikasa’s eye.

“But you really do,” Mikasa said and lightly brushed a hand along Annie’s arm.

“Don’t tell me you’re a sap.”

“I’m not a sap. It’s just that you look amazing.”

“Seriously,” Annie said angrily. “I don’t know how to handle that.”

“Compliments?”

“Compliments on how I look. I don’t do that.”

“Well, how did you think you looked when you put that dress on?” Mikasa teased.

“I don’t know, okay?” Annie snapped. She pulled away from Mikasa and got up from the couch.

“What’s your problem?” Mikasa asked.

“What’s my _problem?_ Shut up.” She continued to walk away.

“Wait! Annie!” Mikasa went after her, but she was already in the guest room, shrugging on her coat. She was blushing, looked like she was burning up and still refused to look Mikasa in the eye. She looked so flustered as she found Andrew’s little coat. Mikasa stood in the doorway, and Annie pushed past her, head down.

            Mikasa saw her hand Andrew his coat and saw her saying goodbye to Bertholdt and Reiner. She saw her loading Andrew’s presents in her arms, getting it all in one go. It was as if Mikasa were separated from Annie by a pane of glass. She longed to reach out and hold her. To say, “I lied. You’re ugly. You’re horrible now stay with me.” But Annie didn’t so much as glance at her, and before Mikasa knew it, Annie was gone.

Mikasa went home soon after that. She toyed with the idea of talking to Reiner or Bertholdt, of asking how they handled Annie’s moods, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. It wouldn’t be appropriate.

Once home, Mikasa went straight to her room, passing Armin who was sitting on the couch. He greeted her; she ignored him. She knew he’d leave her alone when she needed it, and that’s what he did when she slammed her bedroom door. She closed her blinds, stripped her clothes in exchange for her workout gear, and attacked the punching bag that hung in the corner of her room.

It had been a long time since she used her punching bag, and she felt the weakness in her arms. She would have to start taking care of herself again. Why had she slipped? Normally she would be all over her bag exercises, clearing away any worry or anger with her fists. And now she would beat herself up. She would hit herself, hit Annie, hit anyone who would make her feel this way. She struck viciously, yearning to take down all the ghosts before her, her mother, her father… It was over an hour before she collapsed onto her bed, drained, and noticed that it wasn’t just sweat running down her face.

After waking up late in the afternoon, she summoned all her courage to text Annie.

Mikasa: Are you ok?

The answer came hours later.

Annie: Yea

A one word, three letter reply. Mikasa asked herself what she had expected. She wanted so much to reply with another question. _Are we ok?_ But the answer, or worse no answer at all, was something she was not ready for.

She ate a late breakfast of cereal while the boys ate lunch. Both seemed to sense that now was not a time to ask questions of her. They didn’t talk of their own nights, least of all hers.

Mikasa worked the punching bag again, thinking of the highs and lows Annie put her through. Ever since that night that Annie bought her Chinese food, when Mikasa accidentally insulted her, she should have known who she was dealing with. An impossible, temperamental woman with moods as malleable as the wind.

Today Mikasa punched Annie, Annie, Annie fucking Leonhardt. She could feel the soreness in her arms. A good sign. A good distraction. A good omen, even, of things to come. She wouldn’t take Annie’s shit anymore, whatever that meant.

That weekend was one of bodily discipline, making Mikasa sore upon waking Monday morning. She immediately regretted waking up, seeing as it was only five o’clock. It was a cold winter, but a winter of very little snow, so Mikasa decided to go for a morning jog. She put on tights, her best sports bra, a tank top, and a light, breathable jacket. Her running shoes were probably in the kitchen, and that’s when she found that Armin was already awake.

He was sipping a coffee and working on a New York Times crossword puzzle.

“The paper came already?” she asked.

“No,” he said. “I’ve fallen behind. This one’s from over a week ago.”

“Oh.”

“Are you gonna tell me?” Armin said.

“Tell you what?”

“Why you’ve been training for an Iron Man these past few days?”

“I’m going jogging,” Mikasa said and found her shoes. She began lacing them up, all too aware of Armin’s silence and his staring.

“That doesn’t really answer my question,” he said. “Like at all.”

“I know,” Mikasa said. She had both her shoes on but pulled out a chair at the table.

“I know exercising is a better coping skill than… you know.”

“I know,” she admitted.

“So what’s going on?” Armin asked.

She put her elbows on the table and looked down, rubbing the back of her neck with both hands. “I don’t know,” she said. “We kissed, but…”

Armin gasped. “You did?”

“Yes,” Mikasa said with a small smile. “We did. But then I made her angry, and she left.”

“Hmm.”

“I just don’t know where we stand, and I have to go into work today, and we share her desk…”

“And you’re worried.”

“This isn’t like me, but this whole time… with Annie… I’ve been like this.”

“I think that comes with the territory. Of liking someone I mean. Haven’t you had a relationship like this before?”

“I guess not,” she admitted. “I’ve been in relationships with guys where… I really didn’t care what happened. I think I broke their hearts with my apathy.”

“I’m sure you did. Just focus on the positives. You got to kiss her. That’s something you can keep with you forever, even if the relationship ends now.”

“But I want all of her,” she blurted, surprising herself.

“Then take all of her, Mikasa. But you have to take the good with the bad. That’s just how it works.”

Mikasa sighed and put her head on the table. “I hate you,” she said.

“I don’t make the rules,” Armin said.

“I know,” Mikasa said. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

They talked for a long time after that. He distracted her from her upcoming day by talking about a project he was working on. His eyes lit up, and it seemed his enthusiasm for all things computer would never waiver.

Mikasa changed out of her unused jogging clothes and into one of her suits. Annie never came into work in a hoodie and jeans anymore. “Can’t have my assistant looking better than me,” she had said. _Annie…_

She drove to work with the radio off. She just wasn’t in the mood for hyper morning DJs or pop songs about lovers and breakups. The silence soothed her and prepared her for what was to come.

When she arrived Annie’s door was open. She stopped in her tracks and stared. It was only when she began moving again that she noticed Annie standing in the doorway of the breakroom, watching her.

“Morning,” Annie said.

Mikasa nodded in reply. She was ready to jump out of her skin. They went into Annie’s office together. Once the door was shut Annie pushed Mikasa against the wall, leaning her body against her and kissing her, hard, on the mouth. Mikasa gasped and shoved her away, making Annie stumble.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Mikasa said.

“I was… I thought this was what you wanted.”

“What I _wanted?_ Annie. You left me that night. It was like you never wanted to see me again. What am I supposed to think?”

“I want to see you,” Annie said softly. “I’m sorry I freaked out.”

“I’ll forgive you,” Mikasa said and closed the distance between them, kissing Annie lightly, holding her around the waist. “For now.”

Annie laughed, and Mikasa kissed her again. “You’re ugly,” Mikasa said.

“That’s all I ever wanted to hear.”

“Just hideous,” Mikasa said.

Annie laughed again. God, how Mikasa loved that laugh. Mikasa had tears in her eyes, so happy that things could be okay between them again. She hugged Annie and stealthily wiped away her tears.

“Okay,” Annie said, pulling herself out of Mikasa’s embrace. “Time to work.”

But they soon found that working at a desk across from their romantic interest was no easy feat. They kept glancing at each other, and eventually Annie began to laugh again, ducked her head and let her shoulders shake.

“We need to get you your own desk out there. Seriously.”

“I know,” Mikasa said. “We need _some_ time apart.”

“Go eat lunch with your buddies today. I’ll try to conjure up a new desk.”

“Okay.”

So Mikasa ate in the breakroom. No one talked about how she had stormed out of Sasha’s apartment, no one badmouthed their boss, and the conversation flowed easily from there.

“Sasha, you brought Pocky for lunch?” Connie asked.

“Only so we could play the Pocky game,” she said.

“I’m so here for this,” Connie said.

“What’s the Pocky game?” Historia asked.

“It’s stupid,” Ymir said.

“Let’s demonstrate,” Connie said, and Sasha agreed.

Connie put the end of the Pocky stick in his mouth, and Sasha put her mouth on the other end. It wasn’t long until their lips met in the middle, and they started making out.

“Groooooooss,” Ymir said.

“I’ve seen enough,” Historia said quietly.

“Did you guys wanna try?” Sasha said after she broke away from Connie.

“It doesn’t really work with people who are already dating,” Ymir said. “It would be different if someone played with Mikasa. Speaking of which,” Ymir said to her, “how is your mystery lover?”

Mikasa choked on the sandwich she was eating. “We’re not _lovers,_ ” Mikasa said defensively.

“Which means you’re _something_ ,” Ymir said.

“Wait I haven’t heard of this,” Sasha said.

“How did it happen?” Historia asked.

“At a party,” Mikasa said and planned to say no more. But the questions kept coming.

“What’s her name?”

“What does she look like?”

“Yeah, is she pretty?”

“She’s pretty,” Mikasa said guardedly, remembering how much Annie would hate hearing her say that. “She’s tall,” she lied, “with long brown hair.”

“But who is she? How did you meet?” Sasha probed.

“I’m not telling you,” Mikasa said. “If you know her name you’ll stalk her on Facebook.”

“She’s right,” Connie said. “You’d totally do that, Sash.”

“I would,” Sasha said with a mischievous smile. “I’m already planning to look at all the profile pics of Mikasa’s friends and scope out which ones have long brown hair.”

“Dastardly,” Connie said, shaking his head.

They finished lunch, and everyone went back to their desks. Mikasa’s heartbeat quickened as she headed for Annie’s office. She opened the door. Annie was just finishing her salad, and as she wiped her face with a napkin Mikasa could tell that she was hiding a grin.

“Hey,” Annie said. “It looks like your desk will be up here by the end of the day.”

Mikasa closed the door. “What a shame,” she said. “I was looking forward to more awkward eye contact.”

“Yeah, but it’s just not conducive to a productive workday. I find you very distracting, you know.”

“Oh really?” She sat on her side of the desk.

“Really,” Annie said. She stood and leaned over the desk toward Mikasa, who leaned to meet her in the middle. They kissed. “See,” Annie said. “This doesn’t need to be complicated. Because I like you and you like me.”

“You like me?” Mikasa asked coyly.

Annie grinned and rolled her eyes. “Maybe,” she said.

“So when’s our first date?”

“Already had it. At the Italian restaurant. Then Bert and Reiner ruined the evening by still being at my house.”

“Were you gonna put the moves on me?”

“I might have,” Annie considered. “I didn’t really have a specific plan… to… _woo_ you.”

Mikasa laughed. “Well I’m glad you wooed me. I had no idea what I was doing. I still…” Mikasa paused. _I still have no idea what I’m doing here._

“I know,” Annie said softly. “I’m there too.”            

They worked efficiently enough for the rest of the day, only occasionally catching the other’s eye. The new desk was being set up as they left for the night.

“See, problem solved. Although,” Annie looked around to see if anyone could hear them, “I will be calling you into my office for… private matters.”

“Naturally,” Mikasa said with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm getting a little worried that I've only written up to about chapter 17. Gotta get back into it! I'm worried I have too much distance from writing now. I think it's gonna be hard to fall back in love with this story.
> 
> I hope you guys are having a good time. Something that's helping me is I'm writing a Mikannie a day on my tumblr. Someone challenged me to write one daily from my list of 50 prompts. I'm on 18 now lol. Have a great day! Fill it with love, okay?! <3


	15. Nothing Fancy

“Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;

If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,

till she cry 'Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,

I must have you!'"

-Thomas Parke D’Invilliers

 

 

On Friday, Annie and Mikasa went to a meeting at the same building as before (18th floor, conference room B, the same receptionist told a noticeably ticked off Annie). They sat across from each other at the big sleek table.

“Sit across from me,” Annie had said in the car, “so I can eye fuck the hell out of you while Zackly drones on.” It had made Mikasa blush like crazy, and she saw that Annie held a smirk on her face when she saw Mikasa’s.

Annie made good on her promise. Several times while Mikasa was taking the minutes, Mikasa froze when she felt eyes on her. And there was Annie, head tilted down, eyes looking up at Mikasa devilishly. At one point it made Mikasa squirm in her seat. Was anyone else seeing this? Annie glowed with satisfaction. _Anyone?_ But everyone was boredly listening to Zackly go on about the profits and losses of the last quarter.

Then, Mikasa decided to eye fuck Annie right back. She waited for Annie to look up. She tried to look sultry and raised one eyebrow when she saw Annie swallow in discomfort. Soon Annie was smiling shyly, and then looked as if she was concentrating solely on what Darius Zackly was saying, though Mikasa knew she had other thoughts on her mind.

When they left the meeting and headed for Annie’s car, Annie slapped her on the back and said, “Great work in there, champ.”

“Thank you, sport.”

“You’re welcome, buddy.”

“Of course, old sport.”

“Hey, you already said sport,” Annie said.

“The first was a regular sport. The second was a Great Gatsby _old_ sport. Very different.”

“Oh, God,” Annie said. Don’t talk to me about that fucking book. I _fought_ my sophomore English teacher for making us read that book.”

“I take it you don’t like F. Scott Fitzgerald?”

“I can’t say that. I haven’t read everything by him.”

“That’s right.” They reached Annie’s car, and she unlocked it. After they got in Mikasa said, “You probably didn’t know that he wrote the original Benjamin Button. It was a short story.”

“Really.” They buckled their seatbelts.

“Yeah. Nothing like the movie. At all.” Mikasa kicked at the McDonald’s bags that littered the floor of Annie’s car. Had it gotten _dirtier_ since they had the meeting? “Benjamin is born as a fully grown old man, not a wrinkly old baby.”

“That’s so _weird_ ,” Annie said. “Does he turn into Brad Pitt?”

“Eventually,” Mikasa said. Annie put the car in drive.

“Listen,” Annie said. “It’s Friday night, and I wanna take you out somewhere. Name anywhere. We’ll go there.”

“I don’t know,” Mikasa said. “Not the Italian restaurant again.”                              

“Too expensive?” Anne said, and then, “Shit.” They were at a red light. Annie dug into her purse, pulled out a wallet, and checked inside. “Damn. I left my credit card at home.” A car honked to tell them the light had turned green. Annie turned her eyes to the road. “I was online shopping last night. Buying Andrew a new bookshelf. I’m gonna make sure all his books stay off the floor. But I left the credit card on my kitchen table. Bert and Reiner are picking up Andrew from daycare by the way. But now we only have like… twenty bucks between the two of us.”

“No, I have money,” Mikasa said.

“Not an option. I’m treating you, Mikasa. Even if we have to go to Burger King.”

“Okay.”

And that’s how they ended up sitting in a dirty McDonald’s, eating Big Macs, and planning on getting McFlurries for dessert, all while dressed in sophisticated business suits.

“So Bert’s smashed, right?” Annie said, gesticulating wildly. “And he is just _laying_ into us, you know? Bert doesn’t get mad much, or maybe he does and bottles it up ‘til he’s super drunk. So this time he just… snaps. The whole place is staring at us. I mean it’s a McDonald’s at two in the morning so it’s only the employees and the three of us there, but he’s… screaming at us, ‘Name one nice thing you’ve said to me all day! Name one thing! What’s that?! You _can’t?!_ That’s because you’ve been making fun of me for my Crocs all day! Fuck this shit!’ And then he deadass passes out at the table. Right there. It was amazing, and Reiner and I learned a valuable lesson. Be nicer to Bert.”

“That’s amazing. He wore Crocs?”

“Only once,” Annie winked. “I’m more of a sleepy drunk myself. You?”

“Oh… I get kind of angry. Really angry, actually,” Mikasa said, embarrassed.

“It takes all kinds,” she said lightly, perhaps noticing Mikasa’s uneasiness. “Should we get our McFlurries now?”

“Yeah.” They both got a McFlurry with extra, extra M&Ms (“I spare no expense for you,” Annie said). They sat down again.

“Back when I worked at one of these,” Annie said, “they told us to not fill the bottom of the ice cream cones to save money and ice cream and whatever, so don’t order those.”

“Whoa, wait, you worked at McDonald’s?”

“Yup,” Annie said, scooping up some M&Ms. “Just one summer in high school. It was awful. People quitting all the time, grease everywhere, and shitty customers galore. I don’t recommend it.”

“I’ll try to avoid that in my career,” Mikasa said dryly.

“What _do_ you wanna do? Career-wise.”

“I don’t know,” she said.

“Well, I know you don’t wanna work for me. It must be boring.”

“I don’t know, it’s been pretty exciting so far,” Mikasa said.

“Sure,” Annie said. “But what about after? What do you wanna do?”

“I’m really not sure. It’s kind of embarrassing, but I always figured I’d be a famous author by now. But I barely write. Haven’t written in ages honestly.”

“And what would you write?” Annie asked and rested her chin in her palm, leaving her McFlurry to melt.

“Something weird,” Mikasa said and got a laugh out of Annie. “No, really. I’d write some weird, weird surrealist shit. I like that stuff.”

“Like babies being born as fully grown old men?”

“Something like that, yeah,” Mikasa said, stirring her McFlurry.

“Wild,” Annie said.

“Yeah, but like I said I haven’t written in forever.”

“So start writing again. And show it to me. For real.”

“Okay,” Mikasa said. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

“Excellent,” Annie said.

They drove back to the parking garage so Mikasa could get her car. Somewhere between the meeting and their date, the sky had chosen to get suddenly very dark. Mikasa found herself thrown into nighttime, an unwilling victim of time’s passage, time moving her forward, time separating her from Annie, time that made her wind up alone.

Before Mikasa got out of Annie’s car, Annie said, “I had a good time tonight. Sorry it was nothing fancy.”

“It was perfect,” Mikasa said, and she meant it.

They stared at each other for a beat, then shared a long kiss that met over the radio (which was playing some tired, new age pop love song neither of them would remember). Annie held the back of Mikasa’s head, stroking her hair, and Mikasa’s hand found Annie’s thigh. It was too soon that they pulled apart, panting and heated.

“Well,” Annie said. “I’ll see you Monday?”

“For sure,” Mikasa said. She went to her car, turned on her radio, and found that the same generic pop love song was still playing, playing for both of them, and Mikasa took solace in that, as if they were looking at the same moon, two lovers already longing to see one another. _Lovers,_ she thought. _That’s where this is going._ She pulled out of the parking garage, throwing herself onto the city’s night streets. She drove home, humming along to silly love songs. She hoped Annie was doing the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all. I have an ending planned, but that's in several chapters that I haven't written yet. I'd better get cracking on writing the upcoming chapters. I'm really really determined to deliver every Friday. Hope yall are having a good day <3


	16. Movie

The next work week passed by quickly enough. Mikasa would be minding her own business at her desk when Annie would call her up, inviting Mikasa to her office for a quick makeout session. By Friday they were pros at this, fixing their hair and makeup with a mirror Annie kept in her desk.

_Friday,_ Mikasa thought. Would they be going on another date? She could only hope but didn’t want to seem too forward by asking. Today they were in Annie’s office and making out with more passion than usual. Annie was leaned back against her desk as Mikasa kissed her. Annie’s hands dropped to Mikasa’s waist and soon found her ass, giving it a firm squeeze that made Mikasa jump a little in surprise.

“Okay?” Annie asked, panting for breath.

Mikasa nodded and moved her lips from Annie’s to trail down her neck, making Annie moan with pleasure. She lolled her head back, and Mikasa reached her collarbone. Mikasa inhaled the scent of Annie’s perfume.

“Mmm,” she said. “You smell good.”

“Ha. Thanks. Listen,” she said and put a hand to Mikasa’s chest to stop her. “We should watch a movie tonight. My place? Andrew goes to bed at eight. He won’t bother us. Out like a light by 8:02.”

“Okay,” Mikasa said. “What are we watching?”

“I don’t know yet. But I have a lot of movies to choose from. And I think,” Annie said, laying a kiss on Mikasa’s lips, “that some of us should be getting back to work.”

Mikasa sighed. “Alright.”

“Later, babe,” Annie said and gave her hand a squeeze.

The nickname made Mikasa blush, and Annie noticed.

“What?” she said. “Oh, sweetheart.” She smoothed back Mikasa’s hair and kissed her on the ear. “I had no idea you were this easily put off.”

If it were possible Mikasa would say her face turned even redder than before. She’d never dealt with this level of affection before. Not from anyone like Annie. And all she could say was, “Y-yeah. I, uh, I dunno…”

Luckily it was apparent that Annie found it endearing.

“Okay,” Annie said. “Back to work.”

At five o’clock, Mikasa and Annie were ready to leave. They walked together until Sasha beckoned to Mikasa. Annie went on ahead.

“Hey,” Sasha said. “We’re gonna go get drinks tonight. Same bar as last time.”

“I can’t come. I’m, uh, busy…”

“Oh,” Sasha said knowingly. “This is about your giiiiirlfriend, isn’t?”

Mikasa glanced over at Annie who was just getting out the door. She turned as she exited. Their eyes met.

This wasn’t lost on Sasha.

“Oh, God,” Sasha said when the door closed. “I didn’t mean to out you with the boss in earshot. Fuck, I’m such an idiot.”

“It’s okay, Sasha. I think she’s pretty… tolerant. From what I’ve seen,” Mikasa said. “Have fun at the bar.”

Mikasa took the long drive to Annie’s place, trying to prepare herself for every possible outcome. “Just don’t say anything stupid,” she said to herself. She wished she could have a drink.

Annie had to pick up Andrew from daycare. She let Mikasa inside first and told her to look through her movie collection. She had a lot of kung fu movies, a lot of them Bruce Lee. A movie with a bright yellow cover caught her eye. _Kill Bill: Vol 1._ She had heard it was really good so she took it out along with its sequel.

Annie returned with Andrew in tow. He wanted to show Mikasa Rosie, his giant stuffed elephant.

“I’ve seen pictures,” Mikasa said.

“But this is the real deal!” he said, leading her to his room.

“Okay,” Mikasa said. “I’ll take a look.”

It was even more impressive in real life. Andrew climbed onto the toy and hugged it.

“Love you, Rosie,” he said into one of her huge ears. “Mama says Rosie can’t sleep in my bed with me. She stands guard.”

“I see,” Mikasa said.

“Okay, okay,” Annie said. “We’ve all seen Rosie. Now let’s pick a movie for Andrew before he goes to bed.”

“Rosie wants to see too!” Andrew said and began to drag her by her trunk.

“Of course she does,” Annie said, looking at Mikasa. “She eats dinner with us too.”

 They watched _Finding Nemo._ Andrew was asleep by the end, and Annie carried him to his bedroom. She carried Rosie back too, knowing, she said, that Andrew would want to sleep in the same room as her.

“I see we’re watching _Kill Bill,_ ” Annie said and gestured to the DVDs on the coffee table.

“I’ve never seen either.”

“Really? These are great. I’ll get us some wine,” Annie said and disappeared into the kitchen.

_Wine,_ Mikasa thought. _Of course there’s wine. It’ll be okay._

They began the first volume, Annie and Mikasa sitting so close that their thighs touched.

A scene came early in the movie where Uma Thurman’s character woke from a coma and repeatedly slammed a nurse’s head with a door. “How do the other nurses not hear that?” Mikasa asked.

“That’s just one of those things that Quentin Tarantino doesn’t give a damn about. There’s more of that in these movies. Like how he seems to think blood is highly pressurized and sprays out like crazy if you get a papercut.”

After that, Annie got up. “I’ve seen this part a million times. I’ll be right back.” She returned with a thick blue blanket. “Wanna share?” she asked.

“Sure,” Mikasa said, thrilled to have more contact with Annie. They put the blanket around their shoulders, their knees pulled to their chests, each holding their glasses of wine. Mikasa decided she’d just match Annie with how many glasses she drank. So far they were up to three. When Lucy Liu’s character was killed, Annie put her wine glass on the coffee table and put her arms around Mikasa’s waist. Mikasa leaned into the contact, pleased. They disengaged at the end of the first movie so any could put the second one in.

Once it was playing, Annie wrapped her arms around Mikasa again, this time kissing her along the jawbone. Mikasa turned to her, her mouth accepting more sweet, staccato kisses from Annie’s. Mikasa couldn’t count how many glasses they’d had by then. The movie played with neither of them watching.

As Annie gently pushed Mikasa back until she was lying down on the couch, Mikasa sensed that they were not alone. Her eyes locked with Andrew’s. He was sitting in the hall. He had even dragged Rosie with him without them noticing.

“Andrew,” Mikasa said softly.

Annie shot straight up. “Andrew!” she said harshly. “To bed!”

“But Mama!”

“I said to bed.”

Andrew huffed, then began to slowly drag Rosie back to his room.

“That boy,” Annie said.

Mikasa smoothed out her hair.

“I’ll have a talk with him tomorrow,” Annie said. “About what he saw us… doing. He’s very good about secrets like this. He knows about Bert and Reiner. Hasn’t told anyone.”

“Okay,” Mikasa said, a little embarrassed.

They continued the second movie in silence, drinking more wine, but no longer wanting to fool around. When it was over, Mikasa stood and stretched.

“I should head back home now,” she said, yawning.

“Oh, no,” Annie said. “We practically finished that bottle of wine. You’re staying the night.”

“Oh, Annie, I couldn’t…”

“Come on. I’ll lend you some pajamas.”

Annie led Mikasa down the hall, peeked in on Andrew, and took Mikasa into what must have been Annie’s bedroom. It was simple. No pictures hanging on the walls. Just a big white bed, a cluttered nightstand, and a wooden armoire and dresser.

Annie went to the dresser and got out some clothes that would easily fit Mikasa. “Here,” she said. “I’ll let you change.” She left the room, closing the door behind her. When Mikasa was ready she opened the door.

“Should I take the couch?” she asked.

“Well,” Annie said, looking shy, “I thought we’d share the bed? If that’s okay.”

Mikasa blushed. “That’s okay.”

Annie got changed into a white t-shirt and red plaid boxers. When they were all ready she turned out the light. They got into bed, Annie on the left, Mikasa on the right. They faced each other. Mikasa put an arm around Annie’s waist. Their foreheads touched.

Mikasa laid awake for a long time, wondering how she got so lucky. To share this space with Annie, to be so connected to another human being. This bond was beyond what she had ever hoped for. But here she was, so close to Annie, close enough to draw in every breath that Annie exhaled, their lungs working in a harmony Mikasa had never known.

At one point, Mikasa woke in the dead of night, shocked to find somebody else in her bed. She recoiled before the layers of sleep peeled from her mind. Then she remembered. This was Annie’s bed, and Annie’s form, her back now to Mikasa, her breaths coming evenly, softly. Mikasa’s hand was draped over Annie’s belly. She made a happy noise, then drifted back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm almost done writing chapter 18. Hopefully I can keep up with it.
> 
> I think I'm through with adding the poems at the beginning of the chapter lol. It's hard to find good poems weekly.
> 
> Hope you liked this chapter. Have a wonderful weekend! Lots of love <3


	17. Zoo

Mikasa woke up alone. She stretched, looking at the wrinkled sheets next to her where Annie had slept. She took Annie’s pillow and inhaled Annie’s scent. _Like flowers._

She got up. As she walked down the hall, she heard voices. Annie and Andrew in the kitchen. When she got there she saw Rosie sitting on the floor. Annie turned to Mikasa.

“I’m making pancakes,” she said. “Want some?”

“Yeah.”

Andrew was already eating. They were perfect golden circles. He had drowned them in syrup.

“How did you sleep?” Annie asked.

“Pretty well,” Mikasa said.

“Good. Now how many of these do you want?”

“Two would be good.”

“Rosie wants three,” Andrew said.

“ _Rosie_ can’t get syrup on her. She won’t fit in the washer,” Annie said.

“Rosie can take a bath,” he said.

“I don’t think so,” Annie said. She prepared a plate for Mikasa’s pancakes and set them in front of her.

“Can Rosie visit her friends at the zoo?”

Annie sighed. “We’re not dragging Rosie around the zoo, Andrew.”

“Why not?” Andrew said with a whimper in his voice. Annie sensed danger and left the stove to kneel in front of her son.

“Listen, ‘Drew. She’s gonna get all dirty and water is bad for her fur. Let’s take pictures of her friends, okay?”

“Okay,” Andrew said, wiping the tears from his eyes. Annie went back to the stove and put a somewhat blackened pancake on her plate.

“Okay,” Annie said and sat down with her food.

“Is Mikasa coming to the zoo with us?” Andrew asked through a mouthful of pancake.

“I don’t know.” Annie looked to Mikasa.

“Today?” Mikasa asked. “I have nothing else going on.”

“Andrew,” Annie said. “Go get ready. And take Rosie with you.”

“Okay, Rosie,” he said. “We’re moving.” He carefully dragged her behind him.

“Just one thing,” Annie said to Mikasa. “You can’t go to the zoo in a suit.”

“That’s right,” Mikasa said, realizing she didn’t have a change of clothes. “Kind of a walk of shame, huh?”

Annie snorted. “Nothing happened.”

“I found it pretty significant.”

“Right,” Annie said and began picking up their plates. Mikasa thought she could see her blushing just a little bit.

“Anyway,” Mikasa said. “I live kind of near Trost Zoo. We can stop by my place really quick.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Andrew came into the kitchen wearing a fuzzy red sweater with a gray elephant on it.

“I’m all ready,” he said.

“Oh yeah?” Annie asked, coming down to his level. “Did you brush your teeth, little man?”

Andrew grinned and covered his mouth. “Yes.”

“Liar! Go brush!”

He scampered out of the room.

“Do you want to shower here?” Annie asked.

“Sure.”

 

Mikasa stepped into Annie’s shower, the water hot against her back. She sighed and rolled her neck around, massaging the heat into her hair. She finally had a moment to herself. _I’m in Annie’s house,_ she thought. _I’m in Annie’s house after spending a night with her in her bed._ The thought thrilled Mikasa. She couldn’t help grinning. She grinned even harder when she realized she would be using Annie’s shampoo. Mikasa took a palmful and inhaled. She worked it into her hair. She savored this moment where everything was right.

           

They got ready for the day and drove to Mikasa’s place. Andrew wanted to see Mikasa’s room (she warned him it was nothing special) so they all three went up to her apartment.

As luck would have it, Eren and Armin were both in the living room, playing videogames.

“Walk of shame! Walk of shame!” Eren said when he saw Mikasa.

“Shut up, Eren,” Mikasa said dryly. “Seriously.”

“This is a very serious situation. A walk of shame is—” He stopped when he saw Annie and her son in the doorway. “Oh.”

“Hi,” Armin said. “Eren, say hello.”

“H-hello.”

“You must be Andrew,” Armin said to the boy.

He nodded.

“Have you ever played Mario Kart before?”

He shook his head and walked further into the living room.

God bless Armin and his tactical genius when it came to diffusing awkward situations. Mikasa went to get changed, knowing that Armin had things handled.

Once she was redressed, she opened her bedroom door to find Annie standing in the hall waiting for her. “I wanted to see your room too,” Annie said.

“Like I said, it’s nothing special,” she said and let Annie in.

Annie’s eyes immediately caught on the punching bag in the corner. She swiftly raised her leg higher than Mikasa thought possible and gave the thing a powerful kick.

“Kick boxing?” Mikasa asked.

“Tons,” Annie replied. “My dad taught me.”

Mikasa felt a pang of envy. _My dad didn’t teach me shit._ Her jealousy passed quickly, and then Andrew entered the room.

“I like it!” he said. He gave the punching bag a hug.

“You’re using it wrong,” Annie said.

“Did you win at Mario Kart?” Mikasa asked him.

“Yes. I got help though.”

“Ready to go?” Annie asked.

“Yeah.”

They passed through the living room where Eren and Armin called out their goodbyes.

When Mikasa closed the apartment door, Annie asked, “So they know about… us?”

“Yes,” Mikasa said. “There was no helping it really. Is that okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Reiner and Bertholdt know?”

“No,” Annie said, surprising Mikasa. “I haven’t told them.”

“Oh,” Mikasa said. She felt somewhat dismayed.

“I’ll tell them soon,” she said. “It’s just that you’re the first I’ve been with since them, you know?”

“Yeah,” Mikasa said. It bothered her that Annie hadn’t told anyone about their relationship. Mikasa felt less like a person and more like a secret. Was Annie ashamed of her? _No,_ Mikasa thought. _That’s ridiculous. Annie wants to be with you._ She wouldn’t let it bother her she decided, but she already knew she was lying.

           

They went together in Annie’s car, Andrew in the back, loudly reviewing how to spell elephant. He was also full of questions. “Will Grandpa Elephant be there?” “Is Baby Beau still little?” “Are there more babies now?” Apparently it was a family of five elephants. Of course Andrew knew all their names.

When they got there the zoo was crowded. It took a while to find a parking space, and Andrew was becoming impatient, bouncing in his seat. They parked and got out. Andrew immediately tried to run ahead, but Annie caught the back of his coat in time. “Woah there,” she said. “The elephants aren’t going anywhere, ‘Drew.”

 It was a cold day, but the sky was clear and blue. “I don’t know why I agreed to come today,” Annie said, pulling up the collar of her coat. “We’re lucky the elephants have an indoor enclosure.”

Annie warned Mikasa that they might not see much besides the elephants. Andrew could stand in front of them for hours. They finally arrived at the elephant house, Andrew wrestling to pull open the heavy door. Mikasa opened it for him, and Annie quickly grabbed his hand before he could dash.

“There they are,” Annie said. All five of the elephants were out, standing around. The baby was closest, playing in the water.

“HELLO, BABY BEAU!” Andrew shouted. “YOU LOOK TALLER!”

Annie grinned at Mikasa.

He kept talking to the elephants, then went around pressing the informational buttons on the walls.

“I’m surprised he doesn’t have all of them memorized,” Annie said.

They stayed for over two hours. Annie made sure to get plenty of photos to show Rosie. “Okay, ‘Drew,” Annie said. “I think it’s time to say goodbye.”

Andrew seemed satisfied, happily shouting his goodbyes to the elephants.

“Ugh,” Annie said. “Now we pass through the gift shop.”

The shop was crammed with an assortment of stuffed elephants, elephant books, and other toys.

“Look, Mama! It’s Rosie’s sister!” Andrew had found a giant stuffed elephant identical to Rosie.

“Yep,” Annie said. “I had to walk through the whole zoo carrying her.”

Annie bought Andrew an elephant encyclopedia, and they left the shop to find Andrew’s second favorite animal: giraffes.

As they stood in front of the long-necked creatures, Andrew screaming out his greetings, Mikasa turned to Annie, determined to find something out.

“Annie,” she said. “I need to ask you a weird question.”

“Oh boy,” Annie said. “Lay it on me.”

“Am I your first… female?”

Annie looked confused for a second, then laughed. “Yes, Mikasa. You are my first female. Am I your first female?”

“Yes,” Mikasa said, looking away from her. “You are.”

“Great,” Annie said. “We’re on equal ground.” She grabbed Mikasa’s hand and squeezed it. She didn’t let go. They stood there watching Andrew, purely relaxed, enjoying the moment. It buoyed Mikasa’s confidence that Annie was as new to this as she was. Mikasa felt like a kid with her first crush, awkward and scared, but excited. Maybe Annie felt the same way.

 

Eventually Andrew exhausted himself, and it was time to leave the zoo. He fell asleep in the backseat of the car, an elephant encyclopedia in his arms. Annie drove with her left hand and rested her right for Mikasa to hold. It was too soon that they arrived in front of Mikasa’s place, too soon for a peck on the cheek and a see you Monday. But too soon too often happens, and they had to say goodbye.

Eren and Armin teased her about the grin on her face. Mikasa couldn’t care less.

“Annie’s pretty sexy, isn’t she?” Eren said.

“Shut up,” Mikasa said in a rare fit of giggles. She threw a couch pillow at him.

“I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking, right ‘Min?”

“Right,” Armin said, wisely out of reach of any pillows. “She’s good for you, Mikasa. I can tell.”

“Yeah,” Mikasa said. “She is.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! Before noon updates, right?! I hope you're having a great day. Today I'm going to my adviser to figure out when I'm graduating college. No big deal ;)
> 
> Also feel free to give constructive criticism on this fic. I can handle it (it's scary lmao but I can handle it). Someone gave me some good crit on this and I really appreciated it.
> 
> Have a great day!


	18. Fire

The following week, Mikasa and Annie had little contact with each other. Annie had lots of meetings, but Mikasa had to stay at the office and work on other tasks. Between them they were too busy for secret makeout sessions in Annie’s office or quick kisses in the supply closet. The whole thing was rather disappointing.

So when Annie asked Mikasa to stay late with her, she was thrilled. But then Annie pointed at a huge pile of forms and envelopes on her desk and said, “These need to get done tonight.”

Mikasa frowned. “Seriously, Annie?”

“I know,” Annie said. “I’ll work with you. My signature needs to be on every form, but you can forge it. Then we have to seal them up and put them through the postage machine. Come on. I’ll make it worth your while.”

“You’d better,” Mikasa said and crossed her arms.

“Sassy today?” Annie asked. She closed the distance between them and kissed her.

“Mmhmm,” Mikasa said. She uncrossed her arms and wrapped them around Annie’s waist.

The moment was short-lived. Annie put her hands on Mikasa’s shoulders and gently pushed her away. “To work,” she said.

It was difficult, in the over two hours that followed, for Mikasa to keep her eyes on her work. Annie seemed to be having the same problem. They piled the envelopes on the floor around them. When the last envelope was sealed, Annie stood and stretched.

“Now that that’s over with,” Annie said. She removed her suit jacket. Then she did something that confused Mikasa. She picked up her computer monitor and set it on the floor.

“What’d you do that for?” Mikasa asked.

“I didn’t want it to break,” Annie said.

“Break?”

“How would you feel if we swept all this stuff off the desk and I made love to you?”

Mikasa didn’t answer. Instead she swiped everything— empty mugs, papers, pens and pencils—onto the floor.

Annie cocked an eyebrow. She was behind the desk, leaning her hands onto it. Mikasa came to meet her. Their mouths opened, each receiving the other’s warmth. Annie ran her hands through Mikasa’s hair. Mikasa ran her hands up and down Annie’s sides.

“Get on the desk,” Annie said. Mikasa slid herself onto the desk, kicking off her shoes as she did so. Annie came around to the desk’s side. “Let’s get you out of this suit,” she said and began working on the buttons of Mikasa’s suit jacket. Mikasa was sitting up on the desk, her legs hanging over the side where Annie stood. Once the jacket was off, Annie began toying with the buttons on Mikasa’s blouse. Slowly. So slowly.

“Tell me how much you want me,” Annie whispered in Mikasa’s ear.

“So…so bad,” Mikasa said.

Annie straightened and shook her head sadly. “You’re gonna have to do better than that.”

“I’ve wanted you…since the moment you looked first looked at me.”

“That’s better,” Annie said, undoing two buttons. “Now tell me,” she said, lingering on the third, “what you want to do to me.”

“I haven’t thought about that,” Mikasa said honestly. “Only what you’ll do to me.”

“Then,” Annie said, undoing the third button, “what would you like?”

Mikasa’s bra was revealed by now, a lacy purple garment, and Annie stared openly.

“Like what you see?” Mikasa asked.

Annie placed a hand on Mikasa’s chest. “You are,” she said, “distracting me from my line of question, Mikasa.”

Mikasa laughed, leaned to kiss Annie, pushing her chest forward into Annie’s hand in the process. Annie accepted the kiss, mouth opening, willing to take on Mikasa’s tongue. “What do you want?” Annie asked, short of breath.

“Your mouth,” Mikasa said. “I want your mouth on me.” Annie nodded and undid the last two buttons of Mikasa’s blouse and pulled her out of the sleeves.

“And you shall have it,” Annie said.

Mikasa reached at her back to undo her bra. She didn’t particularly like the thing and regretted wearing it now.

“No,” Annie said, gently pulling Mikasa’s arms down. “I like it. Keep it on.”

Next to strip off was Mikasa’s skirt which came off easily. She tilted her hips upward so Annie could get off her panty hose. Once they were past her butt, Annie stopped. She looked into Mikasa’s eyes and leaned in to give her another tongue-tied kiss.

“Mikasa,” she said. “Will you scream my name? When you come?”

Mikasa nodded. “Annie fucking Leonhardt.”

Annie laughed. “Just Annie will do, thanks.”

Mikasa whispered, “Annie.”

Annie kissed Mikasa’s neck and inhaled. “You smell good,” she said.

“Hm. My panty hose,” Mikasa said. They were only down to her thighs, and Mikasa was eager to get out of them.

Annie tsked. “In due time,” she said, exploring Mikasa’s neck with her mouth. “Want me to leave a mark?”

Mikasa swallowed. She didn’t want everyone to see evidence of her night, but the thought of Annie playing rough excited her. “Yes,” she said.

“You sure?” Annie asked.

“Yeah,” Mikasa said.

“Then I’ll mark you as mine,” Annie said and began to suck low on Mikasa’s neck. Mikasa moaned. Annie increased the intensity until it was painful. Mikasa didn’t mind. By the time Annie was done, she gave the spot light kisses, then moved her hands onto Mikasa’s chest. She gave her chest a squeeze, causing Mikasa to moan again.

“You,” Mikasa said and reached for Annie’s blouse.

Annie shook her head. “Not tonight,” she said. “Tonight is about you.” With that she slid off Mikasa’s panty hose all the way. “Now have you been a good girl?” Annie asked. “Or a bad girl?” She fingered the lace of Mikasa’s panties. Mikasa lifted herself so Annie could take them off. She threw them to the side, then pressed her hand in between Mikasa’s legs. “Bad girl,” she said. “Feel how wet you are?”

Mikasa blushed. Her own body had admitted that she found Annie incredibly arousing.

“Lay,” Annie said. Mikasa obeyed, her back on the desk, her knees bent, feet planted on the side of the desk where Annie stood. Annie worked her fingers inside of Mikasa who trembled at the stimulation. Then Annie lowered herself, put her mouth between Mikasa’s legs, wrapped her arms under and around Mikasa’s legs. She stroked Mikasa with her tongue. Mikasa never knew she could experience such intense pleasure. With Annie it was possible. She had never orgasmed with a man before and hadn’t bothered to fake it either. That had led to a lot of injured male pride. Not that Mikasa cared.

Mikasa writhed under Annie’s touch. She could feel Annie’s tongue and her panting breath against her sex. She curled her hands into fists, looked up to see the top of Annie’s head bobbing. Mikasa wished she were in a position to give something back to Annie, but she would have to wait. She felt an excitement mounting, her own breath coming out ragged. She was close.

“Annie,” she heard herself say. “Oh, Annie.”

“That’s it,” Annie said between her legs. “Say my name.” Mikasa looked at Annie, her mischievous blue eyes locked onto her.

“Annie…” She was on the cusp of an orgasm, something she realized she had only felt by herself, and now she would share in with Annie. All the tightness in her body unwound at once, and she was brought to her climax. “Annie!” she cried. The relief of orgasm flooded through Mikasa. All at once Annie was straddling her on the desk, kissing her deeply.

“Did you like that?” Annie asked.

Mikasa smiled and nodded, then wrapped her arms around Annie’s neck and pulled her into another kiss.

“I was worried,” Annie said between kisses. “I’ve never done this with a woman.”

“You were fantastic,” Mikasa said. She began looking for her clothes, first putting on her underwear, then her panty hose, then her skirt, and finally her top.

“I’m gonna miss that bra,” Annie said with a smile.

Mikasa shrugged. “That ugly thing?”

“Looked good on you.” She lifted the computer monitor back onto the desk, then began the process of picking up everything she had swept onto the floor. Mikasa helped her.

“I’ll wear something nicer when sex is less of a surprise,” Mikasa said.

Annie laughed. “Sorry. Was that too sudden?”

“It had the desired effect, I think. Though we don’t have even a couch to cuddle on.”

“Right,” Annie said. “That’s disappointing.”

They were all done cleaning up the floor, and Mikasa put her arms around Annie. “Next time,” she said, kissing her softly.

“Next time,” Annie said with a smirk.

 

 

Weeks passed. With tax season coming up, the office was busier than usual. There was less time for each other as they packed in longer and longer hours. Everyone was feeling the pressure.

“Man,” Connie said during lunch. “Tax season can eat my ass.”

“Tax season just likes you as a friend,” Ymir said.

“Tax season and I have a very complicated relationship,” he replied.

“Is tax season prettier than me?” Sasha asked.

“No way, baby. You’re my number one.”

Mikasa smiled at the banter. Annie was out on business today, leaving Mikasa to have lunch with her friends.

“Are you sure?” Sasha asked Connie. “It’s just…I’ve seen the way tax season looks at you…”

“Nah, nah, baby,” Connie said. “She’s just a thirsty hoe. It doesn’t matter.”

“This got weird fast,” Historia said.

“Yeah. Change of subject,” Ymir said. “Mikasa.”

“Hmm?”

“How’s your love life?”

“Oh,” Mikasa said. “It’s not.” She could feel the lie burning on her cheeks. Ymir picked up on Mikasa’s obvious discomfort.

“Oh, really?”

“Really don’t wanna talk about it.”

Ymir sighed. “I wanna give you relationship advice.”

“I think I’ll pass on that,” Mikasa said.

Historia chimed in. “Knowing you so well, Ymir, I don’t think your relationship advice would be anything more than sex advice.”

Ymir scoffed. “I can think about things other than sex, you know.”

Historia shook her head and spoke to Mikasa. “Anything you learn from Ymir could also be learned from Cosmopolitan.”

Ymir shook her head. “Shows what you know. I actually subscribe to the Hot Lesbian Sex Weekly email newsletter. Comso’s all hetero.”

“Is that a real thing?” Sasha asked.

“And are there pictures?” Connie said.

Sasha slapped him on the arm. “You nasty!”

Ymir grinned at the chaos unfolding, seemingly delighted at having caused it. “You should subscribe, Mikasa. Treat your girl right.”

Mikasa just shook her head.

“So how’s Annie?” Ymir asked.

“Wh-what?” Mikasa stammered.

“I mean is she the queen of mean right now? She usually gets like that beginning at this time of year.”

“Ymir…” Historia warned.

“No,” Mikasa said, relieved that what Ymir asked was a true change of subject. “She’s fine.”

“Watch out,” Ymir said. “She once bitched me out for taking too many coffee breaks.”

“You do take too many coffee breaks,” Historia said.

“That’s because I hate my job,” Ymir said proudly. “I wanna work as little as possible without being yelled at. Is that so much to ask?”

Historia just shook her head. She checked her watch. “Time to get back to work, Ymir.”

“Fuuuuuck,” Ymir said, lolling her head back. “I don’t wanna.”

“Let’s go,” Historia said.

 

 

Before Mikasa went back to her desk, she stopped in the supply closet to pick up some reams of paper for the copier. She was just lifting up a stack of papers when she heard the door open behind her.

“Hey,” Annie said.

Mikasa put down her stack. “You’re back.”

Annie walked up to her and wrapped her arms around Mikasa. She kissed Mikasa gently.

“No,” Mikasa said, pushing Annie away. “Not here.”

“Come on,” Annie said.

“Someone’s gonna—“ And with that, the door opened. Ymir stepped in and froze where she stood, obviously sensing a tense atmosphere.

Annie’s back was to the door. Suddenly she said in a very stern voice, “Just don’t do it again.” She winked at Mikasa and walked briskly out the door past Ymir.

Ymir walked in and said, “What did I say? Queen of mean.”

Mikasa just smiled at her. “Nah.”

 

 

That night, though it was the middle of the week, Annie and Mikasa got together to watch movies at Annie’s place. They watched _Cars_ with Andrew first. They all four (Rosie was there) sat on the couch, enjoying the movie together.

“It’s like tomater, without the ‘to,’” Andrew said when his favorite character, Mater, came on the screen.

“Yup,” Annie said. She was sitting between Rosie and Mikasa. She held Mikasa’s hand while they watched. It was a nice, lazy date, Mikasa thought. They didn’t even have to talk. They could just relax and be with one another.

“I like the little Italian car,” Mikasa said.

“I like how they have a Pope car in the second movie,” Annie responded.

“Does that mean there was a Jesus car?” Mikasa asked.

“Oh my God,” Annie said. “That certainly has some…interesting implications.” They shared a grinning glance. Annie squeezed Mikasa’s hand. Mikasa squeezed back.

Soon the movie was over. “Time for little Andrews everywhere to go to bed,” Annie said.

Andrew groaned.

“And I don’t wanna see you sneaking out of your room tonight,” she said with a glare and a finger pointing at Andrew. “I mean it.”

Andrew nodded. “Rosie and I are retiring for the evening,” he said.

Annie laughed. “Retiring…Alright, Mister. Brush those teeth.”

He left with Rosie, and Annie laid her head on Mikasa’s lap. Mikasa stroked Annie’s hair.

“What do you wanna watch, Annie?”

“Mmm. Let’s just spend some time together first.”

“Okay.”

“What was the first thing you noticed about me?”

“Your grass-stained jeans,” Mikasa said, not needing to think about it.

Annie laughed. “Oh, God.”

“I thought you had wandered in off the streets.”

“No! What was the first _good_ thing then?”

“Your eyes. Your beautiful eyes.”

Annie tensed a little, then relaxed. “Okay.”

“What did you notice about me?”

“I had the overwhelming feeling that you could kick my ass if you wanted to.”

“The feeling is mutual. Meet me in the playground after school.”

Annie laughed and sat up. She smoothed her hair back. “I like being with you,” she said.

Mikasa inhaled, as if to say something, then stopped.

“What is it?”

Mikasa shook her head. “I think I should quit.”

“Quit? Like your job?”

“Yes. Like my job.”

They stared at one another. Annie’s mouth was open in surprise. “I-I don’t…I don’t think you should.”

“I mean I should. Shouldn’t I? If people find out…”

“If people haven’t found out about Bert and Reiner, they won’t find out about us. We’re being careful.”

“I just don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“I can take care of myself,” Annie said, raising her voice.

“No, you can’t. You can’t take care of this, Annie.” Mikasa felt the heat in her cheeks. She didn’t expect things to get so serious.

“Don’t pretend that you know what’s best for me, Mikasa.”

“Stop it. You can’t always be so violently independent. Me quitting will benefit us both,” Mikasa said.

“Violently independent? Is that what you think of me? I just don’t want you to quit,” Annie said.

“Look, I don’t know if I’ll actually quit, but I don’t think it’s right. To go on fooling people,” Mikasa said.

“That’s not what our relationship is. We’re not here to fool people. We’re here for each other,” Annie said, looking sadly at her. Mikasa had to force herself to resist hugging her. Annie had to know that she was serious.

“Whatever,” Mikasa said. “I think I’ll go home now.”

“Fine. Go,” Annie huffed, and that was the end of that.

 

 

The next day was a Thursday, and Mikasa went into work with a hard feeling in the pit of her stomach. She saw Annie, but they did not really acknowledge each other. Mikasa went about doing her work. She didn’t eat with Annie today.

Then it happened. It was an hour after lunch, and Connie was sitting on Sasha’s desk, talking to her. Annie came out of her office, and her eyes landed on him. Connie and Sasha froze. This was not the first time he had been caught goofing off at work. This was Connie after all.

“Connie,” Annie said, clearly trying to get a handle on her anger. “Come to my office. Now.”

Connie ducked his head and went in, followed by Annie who closed the door after them. Mikasa and Sasha shared a fearful glance. They could hear Annie’s voice rising and Connie trying unsuccessfully to placate her. It wasn’t long before Connie came out.

“Connie?” Sasha said as he walked past her to his desk. He ignored her. The whole office seemed to be holding a collective breath. Connie took his coat and stormed out.

Annie stood in the doorway of her office, arms folded. She looked at Mikasa with cold eyes.

Mikasa couldn’t help but feel that this was all her own fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, Connie! I had this planned from the beginning, poor boy. I realize too late that I should have shown more tense interactions between Connie and Annie. This may have come off as a bit too surprising. Thank you all for dealing with this imperfect work lol! I hope the *whispers* sex scene was good. I'm kinda nervous about what you think haha
> 
> I am currently writing chapter 19, and let me tell you it has some PAINFUL stuff. Only a few chapters left to write actually. And I think after the epilogue there's going to be a sort of bonus chapter of Annie's years with Bertholdt and Reiner woohoo.
> 
> I hope you all have a fantastico week. Friday now...isn't it a great day to be alive? :) I believe it.


	19. Help

Things only got worse from then on. The rest of the workday was, expectedly, incredibly tense. Mikasa was editing spreadsheets on her computer. Every so often her gaze would wander over to Sasha. She looked, for the first hour, like she was about to cry. When Mikasa saw her dabbing at her eyes, she went over to her.

“Hey,” she said quietly, laying a hand on Sasha’s shoulder. “Wanna get out of here?”

“We might get…we might get in trouble.”

“No,” Mikasa said, looking over to Annie’s closed door. “No more trouble today.”

Sasha looked up at Mikasa with tears in her eyes. “Okay.”

They went to the stairwell, empty but for the two of them. Sitting at the top of the stairs, Mikasa sighed. “Hell of a day, huh?”

Sasha nodded.

“Connie will find something else.”

“He’s been here for years.”

“Sasha.”

“He’s been here for so long and…”

“Sasha.”

“And…and he won’t get any sort of recommendation from Annie and…”

“Sasha,” Mikasa said, gripping her shoulders. “It’ll be fine. He’ll be fine. I promise you.”

“Okay,” Sasha sniffed.

“Now dry those tears,” Mikasa said gently.

Sasha swiped at her eyes with her sleeve. “Yeah. It just sucks.”

“I know. Ready to go back?”

“I don’t know if I can look at his desk while he’s not…sitting there.”

“You can always come back out here. Or talk to me. Or both.”

“Thanks, Mikasa. You’re a good friend.”

Mikasa didn’t think so. It was technically her fault that Annie was in a bad mood. She tried to convince herself otherwise, but there was an overwhelming voice in her head telling her she was responsible for Annie’s anger.

 

 

 

When Mikasa got home, things only became worse…She got a phone call.

“Hello?” Mikasa said. The phone number was an unknown one. She was on the couch while Armin played videogames.

“Mikasa. My baby!” a familiar voice said.

Mikasa stiffened. “Hello, Mother.” She got a worried glance from Armin and decided to take the call in her room.

“Hello, Mikasa. How are things going?”

Mikasa sighed and didn’t answer. She entered her room and closed the door.

“What?” her mother said. “I can’t ask you how you are now?”

“You don’t care,” Mikasa said. “Why even ask how I’m doing?”

“There you go again, thinking you’re better than your family,” her mother said, a chill in her voice.

“Don’t do this.”

“But it’s true. Why else would you push us away?”

“I can think of quite a few reasons for that,” Mikasa said, ice running through her veins.

“It’s a shame you couldn’t come home for Christmas,” her mother said lightly, in that tone that Mikasa hated, in that tone that meant something more. Always, always something more.

“I could have. Though I chose not to.”

“Mikasa! That’s no way to speak to your mother.”

“What do you want?” Mikasa said flatly. She sat down at her desk and ran her free hand down her face.

There was a silence then on the line, then an inhale. “I just want to apologize. About our last conversation.”

“Our last conversation six months ago? It’s a little late.”

“Better late than never,” her mother sad airily.

“What do you want? Money again?”

Her mother scoffed. “Why are you always so concerned about money? Your father and I paid for your college education you know. So if we don’t deserve—”

“You don’t deserve anything from me. Not my money, not my love, not my respect.” Normally Mikasa wouldn’t be so direct with her mother, but she had already been through so much today. Her nerves were fried. She just didn’t care anymore.

“We didn’t do anything to _hurt_ you, Mikasa. We would never.” Her mother was now speaking with a sugary sadness, her voice a little too bright to be genuine. It was true that they had never abused her. Not physically. But what about those years of neglect? Of manipulation? The way they had chipped away at her self-esteem until there was nothing left? How could Mikasa explain this to her?

She realized she hadn’t said anything in response. Her voice came out quietly when she finally spoke. “Don’t call me again. I’m changing my number.” And she hung up. Her mother called back three times in the next five minutes. She put her phone on silent and threw it on the bed.

Mikasa grabbed her backpack and wallet. She walked swiftly through the living room where Armin was waiting for her, his game forgotten.

“Mikasa,” he said. “Don’t let anything she says get to you. Don’t—”

His words cut off when she slammed the door. There was a liquor store down the street. It was freezing out, she realized too late. Not like she could go back for her coat. The red beaming sign came into focus. “LIQUOR,” it promised. Cheap, hard, dirty liquor. Mikasa went in, ignoring the shopkeeper’s greeting. She found what she needed quickly. A simple bottle of vodka.

“Just this?” the shopkeeper asked.

Mikasa nodded, not daring to look him in the eye. He had seen her enough. He knew her purchases. He knew who she was, in a way, better than she did. She paid and put the vodka in her backpack. Turning to the door, she headed into the freezing air.

“Have a good one,” she heard the man say.

Back at the apartment, Armin and Eren were both standing in the living room.

“Mikasa,” Eren said. “Mikasa, don’t.”

She walked past them. _Stop me,_ she thought. _Stop me._

“Mikasa,” Armin said. “What’s in the backpack?”

She didn’t answer. They didn’t stop her.

 

 

She was locked in her room, sitting on the floor, up against the wall. Armin and Eren didn’t come by to check on her. They knew they would get no response. _I’m too far gone, anyway,_ Mikasa thought, taking another swig. It burned her throat. Maybe she wouldn’t go in to work tomorrow. Take a long weekend.

_I got Connie fired. If I hadn’t had that fight with Annie, then she wouldn’t have been so mad._ “I’m such a fucking idiot,” she said aloud.

She thought then of her parents. They had constantly gaslighted her, claiming they had never called her an idiot, a bitch, a loser. But she remembered. She couldn’t forget. Whenever she had reason to doubt herself, their words scratched around in her mind. It was times like this that she turned to drinking. At first she couldn’t believe it. Her father was a drinker too. Always losing jobs because of it. Always angry, and when he wasn’t angry…gone.

Her mother used his drinking as ammunition against him. Ever since Mikasa was a child, she could recall her mother filling her in on all the inappropriate details. All the things a daughter was better off not knowing. Terrible secrets to burden a little girl with.

Mikasa felt the unwelcome threat of tears. She took another drink. Then she did something that was unusual for these days. She got up, a little unbalanced. and rooted around in her desk. Finally she found it. Her journal. She grabbed a pen and sat down on the floor with it. Taking another mouthful of vodka, she opened it and began to write.

What came out of her pen was not great poetry. Just words hurriedly scrambled together in sloppy, drunken handwriting. She barely bothered with punctuation. She just had to get it out. While she was writing—whether it was about her relationship with Annie or about her parents—she noticed a theme: Unfair. The word was interspersed all over the page: unfair, unfair, unfair.

Mikasa threw the journal at the wall, then got up, woozily, and began beating on her punching bag. The heavy bag swung lazily under Mikasa’s barrage of punches. Mikasa closed her eyes and punched faster. She would destroy the bag, would destroy the whole world to forget. It took a long time for her to stop, and once she rested her head against the bag, she realized she was crying.

 

 

The next morning, Friday, she somehow woke up before noon, though she had a raging headache. She showered and without really thinking changed into her suit that was hanging on the bathroom door. _What the fuck,_ she thought. _Might as well go in late._

It was almost noon by the time she got into work. She had noticed earlier that she had three more missed calls on her phone. All from Annie. As luck, or unluck, would have it, Annie’s office door was open. Annie glanced at her, a worried look on her face. She beckoned Mikasa to come in, and she shut the door behind her.

“Are you okay?” Annie said, looking at her strangely.

Mikasa only nodded, not wanting to look Annie in the eye.

“Mikasa,” Annie said. “What happened yesterday wasn’t your fault. If that’s what you’re thinking.”

Mikasa sighed and stared out the window.

“I’m sorry about everything,” Annie said, approaching her. “Hey. What’s wrong with you?” She wrapped her arms around a reluctant Mikasa. When she tried to kiss Mikasa, she suddenly recoiled. “Woah,” she said. “You reek of alcohol. What the fuck?”

Mikasa blanched. “I wasn’t…I’m not…”

“Are you drunk?!”

“No,” Mikasa said. “I drank last night.”

“You drank last night,” Annie repeated. She looked surprised. And…disappointed. “Mikasa…” she said. “Maybe you shouldn’t be here today.”

“Annie. I—”

“Just go home. Please,” Annie said, waving her hand.

“I—I’m sorry,” Mikasa said.

“Whatever. Just…just go.”

Mikasa had perhaps never felt more ashamed of herself than she did in this moment, and all she could do was hang her head and go home.

 

 

When she walked into her apartment, she was surprised to see Armin off in the kitchen.

He walked into the living room to greet her. “Hey,” he said. “Did you go in to work? I took off today to look after you, but I guess I missed you when I went out to get groceries.”

Mikasa threw herself onto the couch.

Armin sat next to her and put his arms around her. “What happened?”

“A lot,” Mikasa said. “A lot.”

“Tell me all about it.” He gently stroked her hair. Mikasa felt suddenly that she needed this level of affection right now. Since she couldn’t get it from Annie…

“Someone got fired because of me. Yesterday.”

“Because of you?”

“Kind of…I put Annie in a bad mood on Wednesday. And she fired someone yesterday.”

“Okay,” Armin said. “Those are two different days. Two totally separate events. Correlation and causation, right?”

“Why do you have to be so smart?”

Armin chuckled. “I can’t turn it off.”

“Annie smelled alcohol on my breath. She didn’t care that…or didn’t believe me that it was from last night.”

“So she sent you home.”

“Right.”

“You’ll have to talk to her.”

“Yeah…I can’t do this, Armin.”

He put an arm around her. “You have to.”

Mikasa put her elbows on her knees and put her hands on her face. “This sucks,” she mumbled.

“I know,” Armin said. “You’ll get through this.”

_Haven’t I been through worse?_ she thought to herself, though she didn’t really know the answer right now.

 

Mikasa went into her room, closing the door and walking past the half-emptied bottle of vodka. She quickly changed into something more comfortable and fell into bed. She realized how exhausted she was, how much energy her encounter with Annie had taken from her.

When she woke up, it was to Eren knocking loudly on her door. She looked at her watch. 6 o’clock, though in her just woken state she at first thought it was 6 AM. She stumbled out of bed and opened the door.

“Hey,” Eren said. “Uh…there’s someone here to see you, Mikasa.”

“What?” Mikasa stepped out of her bedroom and peered down the hall into the living room. Her heart felt like it was about to jump into her throat. There was Annie, standing uncomfortably in her black business suit, a purse draped over her arm. Eren stared at Mikasa, then turned to go to his room.

“Hey,” Annie said. “Can we…talk?”

Mikasa nodded, muted by the shock of having this…conversation with Annie so soon.

“In your room?” Annie said, stepping forward.

“No,” Mikasa said, thinking of the bottle of vodka. “Let’s go for a walk.”

“Okay.”

They rode the elevator down to the lobby. Neither spoke or knew what to say. It was nicer out today, nicer out than last night when Mikasa went to the liquor store coatless. The weather today was sort of crisp and a little too breezy.

They walked east, neither of them really knowing where they were headed. Not that it mattered.

“So,” Annie said. “I missed you today. I’m sorry I had to send you home. You understand, don’t you? That I had to?”

“Yes,” Mikasa said. “I’m sorry.”

“So you have…a problem with it? Drinking, I mean.”

Mikasa took a moment before she answered. “Sometimes it seems…like I can’t stop. I mean, I don’t want to.”

Annie glanced at Mikasa. “A lot of people have that problem. So did you really not drink this morning? Before work?”

“I really didn’t. Though I wouldn’t put it past me, doing that. I’m losing it, Annie. I’m losing control.” They had arrived at a playground. Entirely abandoned, it seemed inviting. Mikasa headed for the swings. She sat down, and Annie sat in the one to her left. Mikasa was amused at how out of place Annie looked in her suit.

“Losing control,” Annie mumbled. She stared at the ground, making her swing twist side to side. Mikasa swung lazily, not putting her heart into it.

“I want to help you, Mikasa,” Annie said. “I just don’t know how. Tell me how.”

Mikasa took in a deep breath. “I don’t know, Annie.”

“Maybe…alcoholics anonymous? There’s tons of those meetings in the city.”

“I wouldn’t…know anyone there.”

“I’ll go with you,” Annie said. “I mean it.”

“I’ll think about it,” Mikasa said. “Thank you, Annie.”

“Don’t mention it.” Annie reached out her hand. Mikasa stopped swinging and grasped it. The hand was cold from the winter air, but it conveyed a warmth that projected deeply into Mikasa.

“And don’t think I’ve forgotten about that thing with Connie,” Annie said, looking serious. She disengaged her hand from Mikasa’s. “It really wasn’t your fault. That guy…it was gonna happen sooner or later, okay? And the other thing,” Annie said softly. “You can quit if you want, but…I’d miss you. Not like we wouldn’t see each other in private, but…I was just being selfish, you know? I want all the time I can get with you. I’m greedy for you, Mikasa.”

“Yeah,” Mikasa said. “I don’t think I’ll be quitting anytime soon. I have other things to think about.”

Annie put her hand on Mikasa’s shoulder and squeezed. “I really like you, kid.”

“Thanks, boss.”

They laughed easily then, the happiness flowing out of them. They stood to leave the little park, their shoes crunching on the woodchips.

The walk back to the apartment was short, but Annie linked her arm in Mikasa’s. It felt so comfortably _right_ , a tough but caring, ultimately loving, woman hanging on Mikasa’s arm. What were they? Girlfriends? Lovers? Mikasa couldn’t make sense of the labels, but being with Annie…Being with Annie was what she preferred above all else. When they too soon reached Mikasa’s apartment, Annie hugged her.

“I have to go pick up Andrew now. I’ll text you tonight.” Then Annie did a little hop to kiss Mikasa on the lips. Mikasa was so taken off guard that she blushed.

Annie grinned. “Bye, shy girl.”

Mikasa let out a laugh. “Bye.”

That night they texted. Not about anything important. Not really about anything at all. Mikasa fell asleep with her phone pressed to her chest, its warmth on her beating heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really worried about what you guys thought of this chapter lol. Lots of heavy stuff I know I know. At least it ended lightly? I'm sssorry?? I look forward to your comments and critiques. They make my Friday muy bueno.
> 
> I love you. Have a great week!


	20. Together

On Saturday morning Mikasa went over to Annie’s. It was a lazy day, Annie lounging in sweatpants and a t-shirt, sitting on the couch and stroking Mikasa’s hair as she googled AA meetings on her laptop.

“This one meets tomorrow,” Annie said.

Mikasa looked at the computer, grimacing.

“What?” Annie said. “Might as well.”

“Yeah…” Mikasa said, unsure.

“You’ll be with me the whole time. I won’t leave your side.”

Mikasa had to smile at that. Annie always struck her as someone very protective of those she loved.

Annie closed her laptop and looked to Mikasa. “I know this is all happening very suddenly, but just remember we’re lucky we caught this early.”

Mikasa nodded. It wasn’t like she had to go through withdrawals or anything. Still, it frightened her that she may never have another drink in all her life. It frightened her even more that she could.

“Tomorrow,” Mikasa said. “I guess we could do it.”

Annie wrapped her arms around her. “I’ll call my babysitter later.”

Andrew looked up from where he was building a Lego castle on the floor. “No!” he whined. “I don’t like her. She smells like cabbage.”

Annie shook her head. “It’s only for a few hours, Drew.”

Andrew huffed but went back to building.

“Actually,” Annie said softly, “I have half a mind to take you out tonight. And not to McDonald’s.”

“Sounds good,” Mikasa said, her hand over Annie’s. They kissed. It was a kiss so sweet and gentle that it sucked the breath right out of Mikasa, making her feel giddy, almost light-headed.

“Drew,” Annie said. “Quick change of plans.”

Andrew glared at his mother. It was a look that didn’t suit his normally happy face. It made Annie laugh.

“Drew…” she said, suppressing a grin. “Mikasa and I are going out tonight. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to spend the evening with—“

“Mrs. Cabbage,” Andrew said with a soured frown.

Annie laughed. “I’m sorry,” she said.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“Maybe the Italian place. We’ll bring you—“

Andrew’s eyes filled with tears. “I never get to go there anymore. It’s not fair!” He vigorously rubbed at his eyes, refusing to cry. “It’s not fair,” he said again.

Annie’s own eyes softened. “I’m really sorry, Drew.”

“He can come with,” Mikasa said.

Andrew perked up, while Annie looked surprised.

“Are you sure?” Annie said.

“She’s sure! She’s sure!” Andrew chanted.

“I’m sure,” Mikasa affirmed.

Annie smiled, shaking her head. “Alright,” she said. “Dinner for three.”

They spent some time building spaceships and castles with Andrew. He had very strict rules for what color Lego went where, and the girls were often the object of his exasperation.

“Blue layer, red layer, then green layer,” he would say with a shake of his head as he inspected their work. “Undo all of this.”

“Jeez, Andrew,” Annie said after her spaceship failed inspection. “Aren’t you quite the architect.”

“Joke’s on you,” Andrew said. “I don’t know what an ark-ee-tec is.”

“Okay, I guess you win,” Annie said in sing-song. “Though I guess you’ll never learn what an architect does…”

Andrew got a look of consternation on his face. “What is it? What do they do?”

Annie glanced away, humming innocently.

“What is it, Mama?!”

Annie sighed. “It’s a person who designs and builds buildings.”

“And spaceships?”

“Sure.” She ruffled his hair. “Maybe you’ll grow up to design spaceships.”

“Really?!”

“Why not?” Mikasa said. “We didn’t have airplanes when my great grandma was born. We might have spaceships in the future.”

“And we’ll always have space shuttles that the astronauts go on,” Annie added.

Andrew looked like he was about to explode with excitement. “Can I be an astronaut?”

“Switching careers already?” Annie asked, tsking.

Andrew shrugged. “I do what I want.”

“Okay then.”

It was early yet, so the three of them watched movies. Chosen by Andrew.

“I think I’ve seen _the Lion King_ 300 times by now,” Annie muttered into Mikasa’s hair as they cozied up together.

“It’s a good movie.”

Andrew shushed them. “Simba is born!”

Annie glanced at Mikasa with a look that said, “Can you believe this kid?”

By 5 o’clock, after _Finding Nemo_ and a Pokemon movie _,_ when Andrew wanted to watch _the Lion King_ again, Annie stood and stretched. “I think it’s about time we get changed to go,” she said.

“I don’t have anything to wear,” Mikasa said, glancing down at her plain white blouse and black pants.

“Hmm. I’ll match you. We can go kinda casual.”

Annie left to get dressed while Andrew snuggled into Mikasa’s lap, quickly falling asleep.

“Oh, no,” Annie said, coming back in a pink blouse and black pants. “Andy, wake up.”

“Nnnuuhh,” he said without opening his eyes.

Annie picked him up. “We’re going soon,” she said, bouncing him.

He opened his eyes groggily. “’Kay.”

She set him down. He immediately fell to the floor, trying, apparently, to sleep on his belly.

“No!” Annie said. “This is gonna be a disaster.”

Mikasa laughed. “Whatever, let’s go.”

“I have to change Andrew into some nicer clothes.”

“Elephant sweater,” Andrew said from the floor.

“You have no formal elephant sweaters.” Annie picked him up again and carried him to his room. It took a while, but eventually Andrew was suitably changed into a blue cardigan and brown pants.

“You look smart,” Mikasa said to him.

“I’m a genius.”

They walked out to Annie’s car, Andrew still looking dangerously sleepy. He was very quiet the whole ride, so they assumed he was once again out cold.

“I wish I could see you in that sparkly pink New Year’s dress,” Mikasa said.

Annie smiled and blushed, staring at the road ahead. “Next date wear something equally nice. Like I said, I’ll match you.”

“Deal.”

“Make sure it’s lowcut.”

“Annie!” Mikasa said, slapping her on the arm.

Annie chuckled. “I’m just remembering that lacy purple getup. From last time.”

Now Mikasa was blushing. “You’re terrible.”

“That’s me alright,” Annie said proudly.

They soon arrived at the restaurant. Annie woke up Andrew who managed to walk into the restaurant without falling asleep. By the time the maître d’ brought them halfway to their table, Andrew was asking to be picked up.

“Here we go, big boy,” Annie said and picked him up with an oomph. “You’re so tall, Andrew. Getting heavy.”

“I’m not fat,” Andrew mumbled sleepily into her shoulder.

“I didn’t say that,” Annie laughed, but Andrew was already far away again.

They sat in the same corner booth they sat in last time. There was an air of excitement even as Andrew slept with his face on the table.

Annie rested her chin in her hand, staring at her son lovingly.

“You’ve done such a good job with him,” Mikasa said.

“Thank you. That means a lot.” She smoothed back Andrew’s hair out of his eyes. “I try to put him first. He’s my job. Above my job at the office.”

Mikasa nodded. “It must be hard going it alone.”

“…Yeah. But Bertholdt and Reiner always make time for him. They probably could have watched him tonight if we had asked. So I’m not alone. But…it was just a few weeks ago when Andrew asked why Bertholdt didn’t live with us. What am I supposed to say to that?” Annie shook her head. “I told him that his father is with Reiner. That I still love Bertholdt but…I don’t know. I don’t think I gave him a very good answer.”

“It’s hard to answer young kids’ questions. When I was a kid I asked my mom where babies came from and—“ Mikasa broke off. Her mother had snapped at her and threatened to not give her dinner (a threat she sometimes followed through on). “Never…nevermind,” Mikasa said, embarrassed and ashamed.

Annie held a look of worry in her eyes. She reached out for Mikasa’s hand, holding it gently. “It’s okay,” she said, her eyebrows knitted together in a kind sympathy that Mikasa didn’t think she could handle without crying. Mikasa pulled her hand away.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “My mother…wasn’t, isn’t great.”

Annie nodded, her hand still resting halfway across the table. She retracted it and put her napkin on her lap. “We won’t talk about that then,” she said. “Hmm. I wonder. Is it too close to home to ask if you had brothers or sisters?”

Mikasa gave a little smile. “I have no siblings. I always wanted a brother though.”

“Take one of mine!” Annie said. “I have four of them. I’m the youngest. No sisters.”

“Wow,” Mikasa said. “So that’s how you got tough.”

Annie slammed her fist on the table jokingly. “You had to be tough to survive! My dad taught us everything he could: karate, tae kwon do, boxing, and especially kickboxing. I was the scrappiest one but the best fighter. I could beat the hell out of my brother seven years older than me. I’m like _super_ competitive. I hate losing.”

“Sounds like you’d be fun playing ping pong against.”

“I would crush you, Mikasa.”

They laughed.

“I dunno,” Mikasa said. “I’m pretty competitive too. I was the captain of my high school soccer team. Losing…was not an option, and when it happened I was so ticked off.”

Annie glanced at her sleeping son. “You can say ‘pissed.’ He’s knocked out.”

“I was so pissed,” Mikasa said with a smile.

“I know how you feel.”

Then their waitress came by, the same as last time. “Amarone for you two?”

Annie glanced at Mikasa. “No wine for us tonight. How about some water? On the rocks.”

The waitress laughed. “Sure, Annie.” She left. Annie started looking at her menu.

“I guess I’d better get used to that,” Mikasa said. “Water on the rocks.”

Annie looked up at her and smiled. “Yeah. Wine’s overrated anyway.”

“Are you gonna order for me again?”

“If you’ll let me.”

Mikasa nodded her consent, and Annie began scouring the menu. Mikasa was so thankful for Annie at that moment, how she overcame the question of wine, saving Mikasa from feeling any sort of guilt. And why should she feel guilt? It was just that she knew Annie would refrain from drinking any alcohol in Mikasa’s presence. Mikasa willed herself to accept this small kindness.

“I think I’ve got it,” Annie said. “You like eggplant?”

“Sure.”

“Okay. Good.”

Mikasa reached for Annie’s hand who reached her own out at once.

They sat there, looking at one another in a comfortable silence.

“Those eyes of yours,” Annie said. “I could get lost in the thoughts behind them.”

“Same to you, blue eyes.”

Annie blushed slightly. It was then that the waitress came back. She stared for a moment at their clasped hands but quickly recovered.

“Have we decided yet?”

“Yes,” Annie said. “Two eggplant parmigianas and—“ she looked at the still-sleeping Andrew, “—I’ll just share mine with him.”

“Okay,” the waitress said and then, in a move that neither Annie or Mikasa missed, glanced between the two of them, obviously assessing them as lesbians. She took their menus and headed for the kitchen.

“Nice,” Annie said. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“Nah.”

“I guess that was my first queer experience. Well, outside what we did on my desk. I mean more like a ‘being seen as queer’ experience.” Annie shook her head.

“Yeah,” Mikasa said. “The straights…”

Annie burst out laughing. “The straights! Oh my Gooood.”

“They outnumber us.”

“Vastly. I wonder what my dad would have thought about this,” Annie said, again shaking her head.

“He’s not…around?”

“Nah. He died when I was fourteen. That kicked off my rebellious punk phase, I guess, him dying. Heart attack. He wasn’t even fifty.”

“Wow,” Mikasa said. “I’m sorry.”

Annie nodded absently. “It’s okay. If he hadn’t died I might have had my punk phase later. Like right now. Can you imagine?”

“Office punk boss.”

Annie smiled. “I just hate that my dad wasn’t around to see Andrew.”

Andrew seemed to stir at the mention of his name. He sat up, swiping at his eyes.

“So kind of you to join us,” Annie said, leaning in and shaking his shoulder gently. “We’re having eggplant parmigiana.”

“Parmy,” Andrew mumbled.

“Good dreams?” Mikasa asked.

“Can’t ‘member.”

“The food should be here soon,” Annie said.

“So Annie,” Mikasa said. “Do you have any belts? In tae kwon do or anything?”

“Nah. I never officially went to any kind of dojo. Just did what my dad taught me. If I could do it all over again, I’d get belts in everything and become an instructor.”

“You should get your belts now!” Mikasa said.

“And you should write poetry and learn Japanese,” Annie countered. Mikasa was momentarily surprised that Annie knew these things about her, things that Mikasa had kept hidden from most others.

“You’re probably right,” Mikasa said. “I’ll write you something when you go to your first tae kwon do class.”

“Deal,” Annie said and shook Mikasa’s hand.

“What do I get?” Andrew asked.

“I’ll teach you some fighting moves, Andy. Do you wanna learn how to break someone’s hand with a handshake? Mikasa, give me your hand again.”

“No!” Mikasa said, pulling her hands to her chest. “I hope you don’t try that in your business dealings.”

Annie snorted. “Nah.”

“I wanna learn!” Andrew said.

“Maybe someday,” his mother said. This seemed to appease him for now.

They talked of other things, about spaceship and castle construction for one, and it wasn’t long before their food arrived. Two eggplant parmigianas with a separate plate for Andrew. Annie set about dividing up a portion for him.

“I’ve had this at Olive Garden,” Mikasa said.

“That place…” Annie said. “Good breadsticks though.”

They ate. There was a side of spaghetti that Andrew managed to get all over his face. Annie paused in her eating every so often to clean him up.

“This boy,” she said, “is nothing but trouble.”

Andrew giggled.

“What?”

“Butt trouble.”

Annie tried not to grin. “Silly boy.”

Mikasa watched them, soaking in the warmth that those two radiated. She realized just how badly she wanted, needed, that love. She couldn’t go back to her childhood, fix that, but she could look to the future…

They had their leftovers boxed up. The waitress asked if they wanted dessert. Andrew pounced on the idea.

“Tira missy!”

Annie sighed. “Two tiramisus?”

Mikasa nodded.

“I want my own,” Andrew pleaded.

“You can have most of mine,” Annie said.

“Okay,” the waitress said. “Two tiramisus. Three plates.” She left them.

“Andrew loves this stuff,” Annie explained to Mikasa.

“It has…women fingers,” Andrew said, wiggling his hands.

“Lady fingers,” Annie corrected with a tired smile. Mikasa wondered not for the first time if they should have left Andrew with his babysitter tonight. Dealing with a child could be quietly…exhausting.

When the dessert arrived, Andrew attacked it before Annie could split it between them

“Wait, wait, wait!” Annie said, holding the plate high in the air. “Let me divvy it up.”

“Divvy divvy,” Andrew muttered through the forkful of food he had snagged. She gave him two thirds of it. Andrew was delighted. He dug in.

“You can have some of mine, Annie,” Mikasa said.

“Thanks,” Annie said, looking a bit worn out.

“Was it okay?” Mikasa asked.

“Was what okay?”

“Bringing…” she glanced at Andrew.

“Oh, yeah, no it’s fine. I would have felt guilty keeping him away from his favorite restaurant and leaving him with…the cabbage lady.”

Andrew’s expression grew disgusted. “Don’t like ‘er,” he said around another mouthful.

“Next time,” Annie said, “we can plan ahead and leave him with Bert and Reiner.”

Mikasa was relieved, glad she didn’t ruin their date. When the check came, Annie insisted once again on paying. “Maybe I’ll give you a raise so you can pay next time,” she teased.

When they drove back to Annie’s, Andrew was running low on energy again. They got out of the car, Andrew saying he wanted to go to bed.

“Brush your teeth,” she said, opening the door to the house and smacking him lightly on the butt. They went in. There were sounds of Andrew messing around in the bathroom down the hall.

“Stay the night?” Annie asked, wrapping her arms invitingly around Mikasa.

“How could I say no?” She kissed Annie on top of her head, holding her close.

Annie sighed and disengaged herself from Mikasa. “Gotta make sure the little one gets to bed.”

“Right.”

Andrew came out of the bathroom then.

“Oh there is no possible way,” Annie said, “that you are done brushing your teeth!”

“Mama!”

“March back in there. Do it again. You know what? I’ll watch you. I’ll even move your brushing arm for you.”

“Really?” Andrew said.

“Come on,” Annie said, ushering him into the bathroom. Rather than moving his arm for him, she held the toothbrush and scrubbed diligently. Mikasa watched, amused, as Andrew giggled and Annie tried to keep him from moving. “I think that’s good,” Annie said a minute later. Andrew spat into the sink and rinsed out his mouth. “Pajamas now,” Annie said.

Andrew got into his pajamas swiftly. Annie was almost done with him when he asked for a bedtime story. Annie passed a hand over her face.

“Fine,” she said. “Get under the covers.” He dug himself in, Annie sitting on the side of the bed, stroking his hand.

“Once upon a time,” Annie said, “there was the littlest prince. But he was so little that people didn’t listen to his royal decrees. He was so little that people ran into him on the street and stepped on his toes. The littlest prince wanted to be the biggest prince. After all, his daddy was a big king. He wanted to be big like him. His mommy was a big queen too, and here was the littlest prince, littler than her and all the men and women in his kingdom.” Annie paused to think, then looked imploringly at Mikasa standing in the doorway.

Mikasa nodded and walked in to sit next to Annie on the bed.

“He was so little,” Mikasa went on, “but his heart was so, so, _so_ big. So what if sometimes people stepped on his toes? He had a whole huge world of things to offer from his heart. At least that’s what the kingdom’s wizard said when he asked to be made big. And the wizard said, ‘I cannot make you taller, Littlest Prince, but I can make your voice as big as your heart.’ So the wizard gave him a big, _big_ voice. Everyone listened to the littlest prince and the wonderful things he had to say. Someday the littlest prince would become the littlest, _bestest_ king. He would still get stepped on, but with one word from the littlest king, the people would apologize. They loved their littlest king. And he loved them.”

Andrew blinked slowly, a smile on his face. “What happened next?” he asked.

Annie shook her head, smiling. “He always does this. But then…” She pointed at Andrew who was blinking more and more and finally shut his eyes for the night. “Out like a light before I can tell him,” Annie said. She stood and walked to the door. “Come on,” she said semi-seductively. Mikasa followed her to her bedroom.

Once there, Annie directed Mikasa to sit on the bed.

“I’m gonna give you a show,” Annie said, fingering the top button of her own blouse.

Mikasa blushed. “How did I get so lucky?”

“Shh,” Annie said, putting a finger to Mikasa’s lips. She backed up a few paces and began undoing her blouse. She was going so slowly; Mikasa watched with rapt attention. When she finally stripped free of her shirt, there was an undershirt that she raised over her head. Her bra was pink with white polka dots. She left it on while she worked at getting off her pants. Mikasa looked at Annie’s ample breasts shielded by the white-pink fabric.

“Eyes down here,” Annie said as she undid the belt on her pants. She deftly slipped out of her pants, revealing a pair of underwear that matched with her bra. She came up to Mikasa then, her breasts pushing lightly into Mikasa’s face. “Will you do the honors?”

Mikasa didn’t need to be asked twice. She maintained eye contact with her as she undid Annie’s bra with one hand. Freeing her from it, Mikasa could see Annie’s beautiful breasts. She reached up with one hand to cup Annie’s breast and lowered her other to pull down Annie’s panties. Once Annie stepped out of them, she all but fell into Mikasa’s hands.

“Sit on the bed,” Mikasa commanded. “And spread your legs.” Annie complied, responding surprisingly meekly to Mikasa’s dominant tone. Mikasa could have fun with this. She got up and lowered herself to her knees. With her hands she stroked up and down Annie’s thighs. Then she put her face into Annie’s sex, licking slowly at her clit.

Annie squirmed.

“Don’t move,” Mikasa said, asserting her dominance, “or I’ll punish you.”

Annie’s eyes widened. She nodded. Satisfied, Mikasa went back to pleasuring Annie. It wasn’t long before Annie was moving once more.

“Unable to contain ourselves?” Mikasa whispered. She stood, laying her mouth on Annie’s neck. “What was that you said last time? ‘I’ll mark you as mine?’ This mark is your punishment.” Mikasa sucked on Annie’s neck, intensifying the pressure over time, feeling Annie’s body tense at her touch. When she was satisfied that the mark would stay, she released Annie’s neck and put a hand inside of her. She watched the changes in Annie’s face: her eyes were closed, her mouth open, her head tilted back. Still touching Annie with her one hand, she pushed her on her back with the other, mounting a kiss on Annie. This angle was difficult, but Mikasa kept it up. It wasn’t long before Annie climaxed.

Annie laid there, panting. “Now I…can do you.”

Mikasa shrugged coyly. “If you want.”

Annie let out a dry laugh. “Come on. Strip for me.”

Mikasa blushed. It was only fair. She began to undo her blouse, all the while fucking Annie with her eyes. She pulled herself out of the sleeves and pulled her undershirt over her head. She glanced down at herself. A lacy black bra today. Mikasa slowly undid her belt, then button, then fly. She tried to pull herself out of her slacks with the same grace Annie had shown, but it was more difficult than it looked. Annie laughed softly as Mikasa almost fell over. Eventually, she was down to her bra and panties. She approached Annie who sat on the bed.

“The honors?” Mikasa asked.

Annie stood to undo Mikasa’s bra, then pulled down her panties. They were both fully nude before each other now, nothing left to be seen.

“Lay down on your side,” Annie said gently.

Mikasa laid down. Annie climbed over her, spooning Mikasa from behind. She used one hand to grab at Mikasa’s sex, slowly pushing her fingers inside of her.

“That good?” Annie asked in Mikasa’s ear. “Tell me what you want.”

“Harder. Faster,” Mikasa said.

“Then you shall have it.” She worked her hand quickly, responding to every one of Mikasa’s moans and whimpers. Mikasa felt herself getting close to climax. Annie slowed her hand, drawing out the moment.

“Annie,” Mikasa said. “Please.” All at once she was coming. She sighed as release flowed through her. Annie wrapped her arms around her.

After a while, Annie said, “Let’s get under the covers. Sleep.”

Mikasa hummed happily. They resituated themselves and held each other, their bodies warming one another.

“I like you,” Mikasa whispered.

“I like you more,” Annie said back.

Mikasa yawned. “Doubt it.”

“We’ll talk it over in the morning.”

 _The morning,_ Mikasa thought. She groaned at the thought of the AA meeting she was destined for.

“It’ll be okay,” Annie said and kissed her on the nose.

Those were the last words she heard as Annie tightened her grip around her, and Mikasa, together with her lover, drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEX!
> 
> lmaoooo okay this is a longer chapter (hope that's okay lol I KNOW it is). Originally I had planned that this chapter would be the one where Mikasa went to AA but then they surprised me by going on a date and it got away from me.
> 
> I hope all you readers are having a good time...reading and in life in general. I have a question: do you guys do art or writing? Interested in looking at your stuff! Let me know. And if you don't create art, that's okay: content consumers are very important to the process heehee
> 
> Have a wonderful week! See you next tiiime


	21. Love

The uncomfortable metal folding chairs were arranged in a circle. There were at least twenty people. More than she would have liked. Mikasa sat rigid in her chair, clutching at Annie, who ran smooth circles with her thumb onto the back of Mikasa’s hand. Mikasa tried to breathe.

It was a far cry from how she woke this morning, blissful in Annie’s arms. They had breakfast together with Andrew. They were happy, though even then Mikasa dreaded being…here.

When Mikasa felt like she couldn’t take it any longer, when she tensed and squeezed her eyes shut, Annie shifted closer and linked her arm in hers. Mikasa laid her head on Annie’s shoulder, grateful.

The meeting began. The other…alcoholics began speaking.

_Hi my name is…and I’m an alcoholic._

_Hi my name is…and I’m an alcoholic._

Mikasa felt her heart in her throat.

“Hi, my name is Jean and I’m an alcoholic,” a very bored seeming young man said.

“Hi, my name is Marco and I’m the boyfriend of an alcoholic,” said a much more upbeat young man. The crowd laughed. Mikasa felt a smile pulling at her lips.

Suddenly, Annie was speaking. “Hi, I’m Annie,” she said simply and then it was Mikasa’s turn.

“I’m…Mikasa.” The group seemed accepting of this, and all at once they were talking about other things. Mikasa vaguely heard mentions about the 12 steps, a higher power, and taking things one day at a time. The apparent leader of the group was a woman named Petra. She didn’t _look_ like an alcoholic to Mikasa. In fact, she realized, none of them did. They just looked like regular people. They looked like her. This made her relax. Annie’s arm was still hooked onto hers, and on feeling Mikasa loosen up a little, Annie turned to her.

“Not so bad, is it?” Annie asked in a whisper.

Mikasa shook her head. No, it wasn’t.

Petra turned their attention to Marco of all people, one of the few who wasn’t an alcoholic.

“I’d like to speak as an outsider of sorts,” he said. “Of what it’s like to live with and support an alcoholic. These are just my experiences. I hope some of us can find it enlightening. I first met Jean in school. He would always come into class late looking like he hadn’t slept in days. We became friends when I lent him my notes. We started studying together. It was organic chem so we had to. One day he confided in me that he was late for class because he was always hungover. I felt so protective of him in that moment. I wanted to save him. But I knew, as I’d heard before, that you can’t save someone. You can only love them. So I loved him. We began dating. He kept drinking. I never mentioned that he should go to AA. I thought he’d get angry. I thought I’d lose him. So one morning, when he was so hungover that he couldn’t get out of bed, Jean said he needed help. We came here, not knowing what to expect. It’s been three years now. Jean has fought really hard. Sometimes he drank. He told me he felt like a failure. But I saw how hard he was working. Jean has been sober for over two years. And I’ve been sober with him. To anyone else supporting an alcoholic, all you can do is be there. Whether it’s during a stressful day or in the middle of the night, all you have to do is listen. Being there is the most important help you can give. Thank you.”

There was applause. Jean looked at Marco like he was about to cry. Marco grinned at him, blushing. Jean ducked his head and swiped at his eyes with his sleeve.

“Dammit, Marco,” he said. “You’ve got me all emotional now.”

Mikasa felt the sting of tears in her eyes. She glanced at Annie, who, averting her eyes, also looked moved.

After, coffee was served. Mikasa and Annie stood in a corner, drinking theirs black. Familiar faces approached Mikasa: Jean and Marco.

“First time?” Jean asked Mikasa. He had a look in his eye, a way in his manner, that told Mikasa he knew more than her. He probably did, having begun AA three years ago like Marco said.

“Yeah,” Mikasa said and she realized she was annoyed. It took her a moment to figure out why: Jean came straight to Mikasa, knowing she was the one with the drinking problem. Maybe it was obvious. Maybe everyone could tell.

Marco was talking with Annie. “…really is difficult. I appreciate you coming. It’s so hard on people to come alone. Especially the first time.”

Annie nodded. “Yeah. I can’t imagine someone going it alone.” She looked at Mikasa and reached for her hand. Mikasa took it, squeezed.

“So are you two sisters?” Jean asked.

“Jean!” Marco said. “Your gaydar broken?”

“Gaydar? What. Oh. Oh, okay.”

The four of them laughed off the awkwardness.

“Well we’re really glad you came,” Marco said. “See you next week?”

Mikasa and Annie looked to each other then nodded happily.

 

The months passed. The weather warmed. Living her life with Annie, Mikasa felt a freedom she’d never known before. She often found herself at Annie’s house, helping in teaching Andrew how to read, making dinners, breakfasts. She stayed there so often that she stuck some of her suits and other clothes in Annie’s closet. They fit there perfectly.

Bert and Reiner would often visit, and Mikasa got to know them better. A picture of Annie’s life before the office began to immerge.

“We met at a tattoo parlor,” Annie said one night, the four of them plus Andrew sitting around Annie’s kitchen table. They were playing a complicated card game, and, somehow, Andrew was winning.

“A tattoo parlor?” Mikasa asked. She looked at her hand of cards. Nothing good.

“Yeah,” Annie said.

“You don’t have any tattoos, do you Annie?” Mikasa asked, not remembered any on every inch of Annie she had explored. She laid out a card.

“I have one,” Annie said. “Reiner gave it to me.”

“That’s right,” Reiner said. “Annie met us when I was giving Bert a tattoo at the parlor I used to work at. Before Leonhardt Synthetics.”

“Where is it?” Mikasa asked. “Your tattoo.”

Annie lifted her left pantleg, revealing her ankle where a tiny tattoo was printed.

“BRA?” Mikasa asked after leaning down to read it.

Annie motioned to herself and the two men. “We were the BRA trio,” she explained. “We still are. But these two,” Annie said, shaking her head, “didn’t want ‘BRA’ tattooed on their bodies. So theirs say ‘BAR.’ Lame, right?”

Mikasa laughed. “I don’t have any tattoos,” she said.

“We can change that, right?” Bertholdt said excitedly, shaking Reiner by the shoulder (as if Reiner only needed to go out to his car and get his tattooing equipment out of the trunk).

“No. Thank you,” Mikasa said.

“I want a tattoo!” Andrew said, and laid out his last card, effectively winning the game. The adults groaned upon losing.

“You beat me!” Annie said dramatically, clutching at her heart. Reiner laid his head on the table while Mikasa and Bertholdt faked their death throes. Andrew looked ecstatic.

“Can I have a tattoo now, Mama?” he asked.

“Of what?” Annie said, already knowing. “Maybe of an animal? A mouse?”

Andrew giggled and shook his head.

“Where?” Annie said. “A little mousey on your face?”

Andrew kept giggling.

“Or on your sides?!” Annie said and launched into tickling him.

“No! NO!” Andrew cried. “An elephant!”

“Oh, really?” Annie said and stopped tickling him. “Imagine that.” She mussed up his hair. Mikasa adored seeing Annie like this, being silly and happy with her son. She caught Annie’s hand in hers and stared at her lovingly. Annie turned to her with a smile. “What would you get, Mikasa? If you got a tattoo?”

Mikasa thought for a moment. “I really like the kanji for love. I would get that on my shoulder maybe.”

“You’re learning?” Annie asked. “Are you learning Japanese behind my back?”

“Just a little,” Mikasa said blushing. “I don’t know how to say much of anything. I just have this book I’ve been looking through.”

“That’s really good,” Annie said, looking pleased. Annie looked at her like she was the only person in the room, and that’s when Reiner and Bertholdt decided to leave.

“We’d better get going,” Reiner said.

“So soon?” Annie asked.

“We’re seeing a movie,” Bertholdt said.

“I wanna go!” Andrew complained.

“This movie isn’t for babies,” Reiner said teasingly.

“I…am a man,” Andrew said.

“Maybe next time, buddy,” his father said.

They left. Andrew got tired and was put to bed. Annie and Mikasa sat at the kitchen table, talking late into the night. It was perfect. Mikasa was continually dazzled by Annie’s bright blue eyes, by the way she waved her hands in the air to make a point, by everything she did. And when Annie leaned in, asked Mikasa to come to the bedroom and talk dirty to her, Mikasa was happy to oblige. They fooled around, touching one another, making each other laugh with their dirty talk, falling asleep in each other’s arms.

Mikasa woke up to a beautiful Sunday. The orange light of sunrise streamed in through the windows, hitting Annie’s hair, illuminating her in a way that made Mikasa awestruck. She kissed Annie, waking her.

“I think I’m gonna head out now,” Mikasa said.

Annie groaned. “Come on. Breakfast.”

Mikasa shook her head, smiling. “If I stay I’ll never leave.”

Annie sat up, her hair messed up, piled on her head. “Okay,” Annie said. “See you, babe.”

“See you,” Mikasa said, kissing her once more.

 

 

Mikasa went home. She played Mario Kart with the boys (utterly crushing them) and in the evening she went grocery shopping. She came home to Armin standing outside the apartment complex.

“Mikasa,” he said, a very concerned look on his face.

“What is it?” She shifted the grocery bags in her hands.

“It’s your father,” Armin said.

“What?” She felt her stomach flip.

“He’s inside. He’s…he wants to see you. I just…wanted to warn you before you went in.”

“Thank you, Armin,” Mikasa said mechanically. “I can handle it from here.”

They walked inside, riding in the elevator in complete silence. Mikasa’s hands were steady as she opened the door. She was not afraid.

Her father and Eren were sitting on the couch. He rose to meet her. She walked past him, not even looking at him, as she headed for the kitchen. He followed her.

“Mika,” he said. “Listen to me.”

She unloaded her groceries calmly, resisting the urge to slam cabinet doors.

“Mika…” he said again. She glanced at him. He had always been tall for an Asian man. His black hair had more grey thrown in it than she remembered. And now…he looked thin. Too thin. Her heart began to beat faster. What did he want from her?

When she was done putting away the groceries she leaned again the counter.

“Well?” she said, trying to sound unaffected.

“Listen. I’ve been…I’ve been doing some thinking. A lot of thinking actually. I haven’t been drinking for over a year. I’m in AA. I wanted to wait until I was…better. After some time. We need to talk.”

She felt sickened that they now both belonged in the same group. She imagined running into him at an AA meeting.

“Did mom put you up to this?”

“No. No, we don’t…live together anymore,” he said.

This surprised Mikasa, enough that she dropped her cold façade.

“What happened?” She couldn’t stop herself from asking.

Her father shrugged. “We were never all that solid. Together.”

But that’s what they had always been. One unit. Together. Mom and Dad. Dad and Mom.

“I want to apologize,” he said. “For how we treated you. There is no excuse for that. I don’t know why we acted the way we did. I could blame the alcohol but…I don’t want to.”

Mikasa nodded.

“There’s something else. I’m sort of…I’m very sick. My liver. You can imagine why. This isn’t easy to say, but…”

“You want me to donate part of my liver?” she said, again adopting a cold tone.

“No. No, there are other problems besides. I don’t have that much time left, Mikasa.”

“Oh.”

Her father looked at her. She could see the illness in his now thinned frame. She swallowed.

“I should go,” he said. “I’ll be in touch. I love you, Mika.”

Mikasa nodded again, silent, and watched him leave. He had done a total 180 from the man she once thought she knew. It wasn’t like he hadn’t said that he loved her before now but…terrible memories flooded back as she stood alone in the kitchen and heard the apartment door close. The drinking…had been bad. She couldn’t easily forget that. She couldn’t yet forgive him. But it didn’t seem like she had much time. Her throat tightened. He was _dying._

“Mikasa?” Armin said from the living room. She breathed in and headed to meet him. Eren was there too.

“What happened?” Eren asked.

Mikasa shook her head and burst into tears. Eren and Armin were there to receive her. Their arms circled around her, protecting her, warming her. That night they stayed up with her. They fell asleep on the couch, Armin sleeping in Mikasa’s lap, Eren nestled into Mikasa’s side. It was very late when Mikasa woke and couldn’t fall back asleep. She gently maneuvered herself off the couch without waking the boys and headed to her room. It was 2 AM.

She sat on her bed for a long time, knowing what she wanted. A drink. But she wouldn’t. She couldn’t. Mikasa sat, fists clenched, staring at her phone. Finally she picked it up and found Annie’s number.

“Hello?” a tired voice said. Annie, roused from a deep sleep.

“Hey…” Mikasa said. “I need you.”

There was the sound of rustling sheets. Annie sitting up.

“Okay,” Annie said. “I’m here.”

“I don’t…My dad. He visited. And he’s sick. Really sick.”

“Your dad…” Annie said. She knew only a little bit about him. Nothing good.

“He’s different now. Not like I remember him at all. He’s sober.”

“That’s good. Right?” Annie said gently.

“Yeah, but…I don’t know. Can we just…talk? About anything. I’m sorry. This is stupid.”

“No, no,” Annie said. “We can talk. I’ll talk to you about anything. Any time.”

Annie proceeded to talk about anything. She filled in Mikasa about the time she had spent in Germany.

“I was born in Bielefeld. There’s this crazy sort of joke, kind of a conspiracy theory, that Bielefeld isn’t real. That no one actually knows anyone from Bielefeld, that if someone says they’re from Bielefeld that they’re in on the conspiracy. Whenever I say where I’m from to a German, they all laugh. It’s pretty great. And we have this saying. When we’re not gonna see someone for a long time we say, ‘I’ll see you again, if only in Bielefeld.’ Which I think is kind of beautiful. Don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Mikasa said. They had been talking for two hours. She felt better. “I’m sorry I kept you up all this time, Annie.”

“Don’t worry about it. I slept enough before you called. Andrew wakes me all the time. I’m gonna make some coffee now,” Annie said.

“You’re not going back to sleep?”

“Nah. Stay on with me. I’m not ready to hang up yet.”

They both sat in their kitchens drinking coffee, talking. When the sun began to rise over the horizon, Mikasa imagined the sun hitting Annie’s hair once more. Soon it was time to shower and get ready for work. With a sigh Annie said she was going to let Mikasa go.

“Okay, babe,” Annie said. “I’ll see you at work. Love you.”

Mikasa’s mouth dropped open. Had Annie really said that? A silence on Annie’s side showed she was maybe thinking the same.

“Sorry,” Annie said. “That kind of just slipped out.”

“That’s okay,” Mikasa said. “Love you too. See you at work.”

Mikasa buzzed with energy as she hung up. It wasn’t like they’d known one another very long, but the bond they shared…wasn’t that something akin to love? Mikasa didn’t really know, but she was excited to go into work today. _To see Annie,_ she thought. _To love her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But do you realize that if Reiner or Bertholdt added an A for Andrew to their BAR tattoos they would say...BARA?!? Love me sum bara tiddy.
> 
> I'm so glad I have Thursdays off from school so I can work on this for you guys! I'm glad I'm managing to keep up on this Friday schedule <3
> 
> btw I'm going to write a separate fic (when I'm done with this) about how the BRA trio met. I'll keep yall posted.
> 
> Hope you're having a great day! Life is good, isn't it? :)
> 
> PS feel free to chat with me at erurink.tumblr.com


	22. I'll See You Again If Only...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One year later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise Early Thursday Release! Heads up this is the last chapter before the epilogue! :,(

_One Year Later…_

“You know what?” Annie said, propping herself up on her elbow.

“What?” Mikasa asked. They had just finished making love, and Mikasa was about ready to drift off to sleep.

“Well, you know how lightning and sand can make glass?”

“Yeah.”

“I think we just did that.”

Mikasa laughed. “Really.”

“It was like a bolt out of the sky.”

Mikasa reached for Annie’s hand. “Sleep with me,” she said.

“I just did.”

“Fall,” Mikasa murmured before her eyes grew heavy and darkness took over.

 

 

“You have to write me a poem now,” Annie said as she walked through the door. She had just come back from a tae kwon do class, her first, and she remembered Mikasa’s promise to write her something once she did.

“Hmm. I’ll think of something. So how was it?”

“Good.” Annie had a towel around her neck. She wore a black tank top and gym shorts. She looked amazing as usual. She took a long swig from her water bottle and said, “There were some nine-year-olds there that were better than me.”

“Are you gonna kick their asses?”

“One can only hope,” Annie said with a grin. She moved to circle her arms around Mikasa.

“Sweaty!” Mikasa said, trying to dodge her, but Annie was too fast. Mikasa smelled flowery perfume and sweat. A combination that intrigued her. She inhaled deeply.

“I want a hug!” Andrew said, running into the room.

“Hey, buddy!” Annie said, releasing Mikasa to pick him up and swing him around. Andrew squealed with glee. Mikasa had been watching him while Annie was out.

“Wanna watch a movie?” Annie asked them.

Andrew nodded vigorously and ran over to the shelf where his movies were kept.

“I bet you a dollar it’s gonna be _Finding Nemo_ or _Lion King,_ ” Annie said.

“ _Transformers 2_!” Andrew yelled.

“Oh,” Annie said. “That’s a surprise.”

“Okay,” Mikasa said. “ _Transformers 2_.”

Annie went to her room to change out of her workout clothes. Then they settled onto the couch, Annie and Mikasa squeezed together with Andrew luxuriating on both their laps.

“Megan Fox is HOT!” Andrew said when she appeared on screen, straddling a motorcycle.

Annie guffawed. “Andrew!”

He giggled.

“She’s totally objectified!” Annie ranted. “I remember why I hate this movie.”

“Objectified…” Andrew said, trying out the new word.

“She might as well be a lamp.”

“A sexy lamp,” Mikasa added.

Annie rolled her eyes. “Not you too, Mikasa.”

“Well you know in Soviet Russia lamp turns _you_ on,” Mikasa said.

“How very informative.” Annie shook her head and smiled.

“So why are we watching this if you hate it so much?” Mikasa asked.

“Isn’t it obvious? Andrew wanted to watch it. I spoil him,” Annie said, patting Andrew’s head lovingly.

“Ice cream,” Andrew said. “To spoil me.”

“No!” Annie said. “I’m trying to watch this cinematic masterpiece, little man.” She looked at the TV with mock rapt attention.

Andrew sighed. “You see what I have to deal with?” he said to Mikasa. She assumed it was a line that his mother used about him.

“I know what you mean,” Mikasa said.

Annie smirked. “Shhh,” she said. “Watch. Listen.”

After that they watched the movie in relative silence. Annie and Andrew both fell asleep on Mikasa halfway through, so she finished the movie alone. She felt grateful that these two had opened up their lives to her, that they felt comfortable and safe enough with her to think she would watch over them while they slept.

Annie woke as the credits began rolling.

“Oh, thank God,” Annie said. “It’s over.”

“You drooled on my shoulder,” Mikasa said.

Annie responded by licking Mikasa’s face.

“So nasty,” Mikasa mumbled, wiping at her cheek with her sleeve.

“Oh, I can get nasty,” Annie said.

Andrew stirred and sat up. “Did Megan Fox make it?”

“It’s the same movie as last time, Andy,” Annie said. “She’s alright.”

“Hot as ever,” Mikasa said.

Annie carried the sleeping Andrew to bed. He was out like a light.

In the hallway Annie pushed Mikasa against the wall and put her hands on Mikasa’s hips, stroking gently.

“Now I know I’m no Megan Fox…” Annie said. “But…”

“You’re beyond hot, Annie,” Mikasa assured her. She wrapped her arms around Annie, kissing her on the mouth, her neck, her mouth again.

“Couch?” Annie said.

Mikasa nodded. They made their way to the living room, Mikasa carrying Annie who had her arms around Mikasa’s neck, kissing all the while. She laid Annie on the couch. Annie’s eyes were filled with desire. Mikasa helped her remove her t-shirt. Underneath was a sexy sky blue bra.

“Matches your eyes,” Mikasa said.

Annie laughed lightly. “Just get me out of it already.”

Mikasa obliged and unhooked it, throwing it onto the floor. She removed Annie’s pants and caressed her thighs. She kissed Annie’s belly, continuing all the way up to her face. Mikasa ran a hand through Annie’s hair then cupped her cheek.

“How did you ever get so perfect?” Mikasa asked.

Annie blushed and looked away.

“It’s true,” Mikasa said. She went to slide off Annie’s panties and then entered her with her fingers.

“Wait,” Annie said. “Take off your clothes. I have an idea.”

So Mikasa stripped, throwing her clothing off to the side. When she was fully nude, Annie took her in from her vantage point of laying on the couch.

“Now,” Annie said. “Touch yourself while you look at me.”

Mikasa blushed at her request. They had never done this, masturbating while the other was watching, before. Slowly she brought her fingers down, working them inside of her. She looked at Annie up and down, from her probing eyes to her lithe, muscular figure. It wasn’t hard for Mikasa to become aroused. She was soon throbbing from want, but Annie wouldn’t let her touch her. Mikasa was only allowed to touch herself. It was a challenge, but she was soon moaning with pleasure. When Mikasa was finally getting close, Annie sat up, kissed Mikasa on the mouth, and moved Mikasa’s hand away, substituting her own. Mikasa gasped. The unknown hand felt so good after her own. She quivered, finally coming.

Annie instructed her to switch places with her. Mikasa laid back, exhausted, and watched as Annie started pleasuring herself just as she had done. Soon Annie was sitting straight up, her thighs around Mikasa’s legs, her head thrown back as she panted. Mikasa took over for her, bringing her to climax. Mikasa fell back on the couch and Annie fell onto her, two nude bodies warming one another.

Mikasa drifted in and out of sleep. After an hour or so, Mikasa gently sat up, lifting Annie with her. They grabbed their clothes and headed to the bedroom. They slept the sleep of the dead together and woke with the morning light. Mikasa kissed Annie on the nose. Annie pulled her closer, their foreheads touching as they drifted into another easy sleep.

 

 

It was Sasha’s idea, and it was a pretty good one. Mikasa had told her about the Dungeons and Dragons one shots that Armin sometimes held.

“It doesn’t really have dungeons are dragons,” Mikasa had explained. “Each person makes up a character based on a setting Armin gives, like a spaceship or a jungle, and we play out those characters as Armin leads us through a scenario. Your character can decide to do anything. Usually there’s some evil bad guy to fight. Your character can get killed. It depends. When you move to strike a guy, Armin makes you pick a number like between one and ten. If you pick a number close to the one he’s thought of, it’s a good hit. It’s easy.”

“That sounds really fun! We should all do it,” Sasha said after taking a big bite of sandwich. They were in the breakroom with Ymir and Historia. Things always felt really empty without Connie there, but they had gotten used to it.

“Sure,” Mikasa said. “You guys can come to my place.”

Mikasa conferred with Armin that night. He got to thinking about a setting, planning out all the big details. Mikasa decided to invite Jean and Marco. They had become friends over the past year, sometimes hanging out with her and Annie. It was a pity, Mikasa thought, that Annie couldn’t play with them that night.

On the night of the one shot, Jean and Marco arrived first, Ymir and Historia right behind them.

“Where’s Annie?” Jean asked.

Mikasa started. Ymir and Historia exchanged a look.

“Why would Annie be here?” Historia asked.

“She’s the boss, Jean,” Mikasa said carefully. “Jean and Marco are on Darius Zackley’s sales team,” Mikasa lied to the girls. “Annie and I have gone out for drinks with Jean and Marco before. Did you forget that I’m just Annie’s assistant?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess,” Jean said. Historia looked satisfied while Ymir gazed at Mikasa like she was trying to figure out the truth. The moment passed. Connie and Sasha came in with two bottles of wine each. They thrusted them all into Mikasa’s arms.

“Oh,” Mikasa said.

“Yay,” Jean mumbled. Marco just shrugged and smiled.

“Thanks, guys. I’ll get some wine glasses.” She got six wine glasses for her work friends and Armin and Eren. They then settled down in a circle on the living room floor.

Armin cleared his throat. “You are all hitchhikers being picked up from a seaside gas station in Georgia. Take a minute to create your characters. Just know that you’re willing to go anywhere. What you’re escaping from or seeking is up to you.”

They all sat in deep thought for a few minutes. Sasha whispered something to Connie. He laughed and nodded. It seemed they were creating their characters as a pair.

When everyone was ready, Armin declared that his character pulled up in a huge van to pick them up. Their characters got in and he asked them to describe themselves.

Eren went first (his character was called Lonesome Hobo Joe) and then Mikasa (her character was an old man named Teddy who had just gotten a divorce after sixty years of marriage). The others seemed a little nervous to begin, being that it was their first time playing. Sasha and Connie went next, describing two eager tourists from Japan who had gotten lost and ended up in Georgia. They were, of course, madly in love. Jean’s character was a juggler who had gotten separated from his traveling circus group, and Marco was a mysterious badass with an eye patch. Historia was an assassin, and Ymir improvised that she herself was the person that the assassin was targeting, which Historia went along with. Armin seemed pleased with all of this, then introduced his character who was driving the van.

“Name’s Bill,” Armin said in a gravelly voice. “I like whiskey and hentai...And then Bill looks at the Japanese tourists and says, ‘Hentai desu’ pointing to himself and looking at the Japanese tourists.”

“Akiko gives him a nervous smile,” Sasha said.

“Ryu gives him a thumbs up,” Connie said.

“I’m headed to California,” Armin said as Bill.

Their characters went on talking as Armin’s character drove. Then he announced that there was something on the side of the road. “Looks like a body,” Bill mumbled. He stopped the car and got out to see who it was. “Then the body quickly sits up and launches itself at the windshield. Sanity check,” Armin said.

“What’s a sanity check?” Ymir asked, taking a gulp of wine.

“It means you’re gonna go crazy if you don’t pick the right number,” Mikasa explained.

“Just a little crazy,” Armin said. “As you fail more sanity checks though you’ll get crazier.”

“Goody,” Ymir deadpanned.

They all picked their numbers. The Japanese tourists were both unfazed, excitedly pointing and taking photos of the humanoid creature slobbering on the windshield. Armin noted that the creature had tiny razor sharp teeth. Historia’s and Ymir’s characters were shaken by it and ended up clutching at each other in the back seat. Mikasa’s and Marco’s characters did alright, while Jean’s and Eren’s were screaming. Bill snuck up behind the creature and got bit on the neck. Mikasa’s character who was in the front seat honked the horn which seemed to spook the creature. It disappeared into thin air.

They drove on and talked about the creature.

“I could have killed it,” Historia’s character said.

“Yeah, right,” Ymir’s character fired back.

“The next time I see that thing,” Eren’s hobo said, “I’ll clobber it. Lonesome Joe style. And then,” Eren said, “he pats the crowbar he keeps in his hobo coat.”

Armin rolled his eyes. “Your character doesn’t magically have a crowbar, Eren.”

The game went on. As they drove through Alabama, Armin explained that Bill started to swerve around.

“He clutches at his neck and faints. Who wants to do a check for medical treatment?”

Jean did the check and pretty much killed him.

“Oh, nice going, _Jean,”_ Eren said. They seemed to have an instant animosity toward each other and had been showing it through their characters’ bickering.

“My character’s name is _John,”_ Jean said with bitterness.

“Whatever,” Eren said.

“Bill is dying,” Armin reminded them.

They picked all the wrong numbers, and Bill died. They were in the middle of nowhere and buried him shallowly by the roadside. Mikasa’s character drove. They ran into other strange things, Bill’s ghost coming back to save them at one point. Ymir’s character got killed by a ditch monster.

Mikasa’s phone was lying at her side. A text came in from Annie.

Annie: Hey babe

Mikasa picked up her phone quickly, hoping no one had by chance seen. As luck would have it, Historia sat next to Mikasa, staring at the phone that Mikasa hid in her hand. Then Historia looked up at Mikasa and knew.

_She knows,_ Mikasa thought. _Fuck._

Historia stood and went into the kitchen.

“Historia,” Mikasa said and followed her. “We’ll be right back,” Mikasa said hurriedly to Armin. Armin nodded and continued the game. Ymir glanced curiously at them, then settled her eyes on Armin.

Mikasa walked into the kitchen to see Historia looking dazed and worried.

“Mikasa,” she said. “How long…”

“About a year,” Mikasa said with a shrug.

“You’ve been with her that long?”

Mikasa nodded. Her whole being felt numb.

“I don’t suppose you can keep Annie and I a secret,” Mikasa said.

Historia bit her lip. “I don’t know, Mikasa. I feel angry. I feel…”

“I’ll tell if you can’t,” Ymir said, appearing in the doorway. “You and Annie?” she asked Mikasa. “I’ll fucking tell everyone.”

“You can’t do that!” Mikasa said, her heart hammering. She almost felt dizzy. She was now feeling everything at once: hurt, anger, fear, sadness. They swirled around in her without letting up. She leaned against the fridge. “Please, Ymir. I love her.”

Ymir shook her head. “It’s not right. I can’t just…” She looked like she was fighting her own emotions.

“Let’s think about it,” Historia said to Ymir.

“Fine,” Ymir said. “Let’s go home.”

“Ymir…”

“We’re leaving,” Ymir called into the living room.

Mikasa caught Historia on the arm before she went out the door. “Please convince her. If you can.” Historia nodded. She sat through the rest of the one shot in silence. Much later, when everyone was leaving, Eren and Armin asked Mikasa what was up.

“They know. Historia and Ymir. About Annie.”

The two boys shared a glance.

“It…it had to happen sometime,” Armin said. “You’d better talk to Annie.”

“Yeah, I know,” Mikasa said, running a hand through her hair. “She’s gonna kill me. I’ve…I’ve ruined everything. Fuck.”

“It’ll be okay, Mikasa,” Eren said. “I’m sure you’ll work it out.”

Mikasa shook her head and got ready to leave.

“Good luck,” Armin said, frowning.

Mikasa sped over to Annie’s. It was almost midnight. No doubt she’d wake Annie up. She got there and rang the doorbell. A woken-from-sleep Annie met her at the door.

“Has something happened?” Annie asked.

Mikasa nodded. Annie let her in. Mikasa sat on the couch.

“They know,” she said.

Annie let out a breath. “Okay,” she said.

“Okay? This is not okay, Annie.”

“Just let me process this. Who knows?”

“Historia and Ymir. But Ymir will tell everyone soon.”

Annie nodded. “Stay over tonight.”

“Everything’s gonna…be different now,” Mikasa said, choked by a sudden sob that rose up in her throat.

“Hey,” Annie said, holding Mikasa by the arms. “It’ll be bad. But it’ll get better. You’ll see. Everything will be fine.” Mikasa was already exhausted from this optimistic line of thinking. _Stop telling me things will be okay when they won’t,_ she thought.

Annie put on a pot of coffee and they talked things over. Mikasa would text with Historia, asking about Ymir. If Ymir didn’t tell they could both go into work on Monday. Maybe nothing would happen. Mikasa was certain that it would all collapse.

“I’m gonna quit,” Mikasa said.

Annie sighed. “If that’s what you want. I won’t stop you, Mikasa.”

“But I want you. I want to stay with you.”

“Then stay.” Annie’s hand found Mikasa’s.

“Okay,” Mikasa said.

Annie kissed Mikasa’s hand. “Okay.”

 

 

Come Monday morning, Historia texted Mikasa that Ymir probably wouldn’t tell anyone. Probably. So Mikasa and Annie went into work, pretending everything was normal. Things came to a head when Annie was talking with Mikasa outside her office and Ymir walked past. She looked angry. Angry to see them just talking to one another. Mikasa felt uneasy under her gaze. Annie just glared at her.

“What?” Annie said coolly.

Ymir tsked, mumbling something under her breath and walking away.

Annie gave Mikasa a worried look, her blue eyes lit up with nerves. It was lunchtime. Mikasa ate with Annie in silence, certain that Ymir would tell Sasha, who would tell everyone else.

Sure enough, Sasha stormed into Annie’s office.

“I can’t believe this!” She said. “You’ve been _sleeping_ together?” Annie looked at her, mouth agape. Mikasa was startled. She hadn’t expected things to go like this. She had expected whispered gossip. Not Sasha here, yelling…with the door wide open.

Mikasa heard the murmurs of her officemates. Annie hid her face in her hands.

“Sasha…” Mikasa said.

“I thought we were friends!” Sasha yelled. “Why would you do this? At least now I know how you got your cushy paycheck.”

Mikasa had nothing to say to that. What _could_ she say? Sasha stormed out, and Annie sent Mikasa home early, saying it would be better that way. She would take care of everything, all the questions, the stares. Mikasa didn’t want this, but Annie insisted on suffering them alone.

That night, Annie called Mikasa.

“How did it go?” Mikasa asked.

“Not good. I think…I think I’m done here.”

“Oh, Annie. You’re really gonna quit?”

“Before they fire me. I’ve wanted to leave, but…not like this.”

“Yeah,” Mikasa said. She had another moment where she didn’t know what to say.

“Um. I’m gonna go now…” Annie said.

“Okay,” Mikasa said in a small voice. “Talk to you tomorrow?”

“Maybe. Yeah.”

Mikasa had a tortured sleep that night. One of many bad nights to follow.

 

 

The weeks passed. Annie officially resigned from her post. Mikasa gathered her things up from there too. She didn’t talk to any of her work friends. She really didn’t have any anymore. Mikasa and Annie still saw each other, but their conversation was always stunted, their touches always hollow. There was an ever-present air of tension. They just couldn’t relax around each other.

One night, Annie and Mikasa were getting ready for bed. Andrew was already asleep. Annie was in her pajama bottoms, putting an old t-shirt on.

Mikasa sat on the bed, staring down at her hands. “Annie…” she said.

“Hmm?” She came to sit next to her.

“Are we…okay?”

Annie sighed. “I…I don’t think so.”

“Can we fix it?”

She got a sad shrug as an answer and then an “I really don’t know.”

Mikasa kissed her. Annie had tears in her eyes, she noticed. They gave themselves away in long, deep kisses, hugging one another like they were afraid of letting go, stripping away each other’s clothes like they were afraid they couldn’t see each other fast enough. Afraid the other would slip away.

They made love, Mikasa quieting Annie’s tears as she fought her own. Neither climaxed, Annie breaking off into a sob. Mikasa held her in her arms. It was all she could do. She held Annie until her cries weakened to sniffles. Until she fell asleep. When Annie was resting peacefully, Mikasa got dressed.

Just as she got to the bedroom door, Annie sat up. “Stay,” she said quietly.

Mikasa walked up to her, giving her one long, last kiss. She shook her head. “Can’t,” she said simply.

Annie nodded and swallowed. “See you,” she said with a tight voice.

“See you,” Mikasa said. _I love you,_ she said with all the power of it in her eyes. She held it in her heart and walked out the door.

 

_There’s a fair bit of things I don’t understand._

_Making glass from lightning and sand._

_The strike of fire, the heat of love._

_The blessing of you from God above._

_I hold the ocean in my fist._

_I remember you, the one I kissed._

_You leave me thinking of lost nights._

_When will the sky again strike twice?_

_I don’t know the answers. I only pay_

_A price of glass, broke at love’s grave._

_I’ll kiss you again before I fall._

_I’ll see you again when Bielefeld calls._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. You've been here reading this for...22 weeks now. Thanks for sticking with me through all my mistakes. I had a little idea for this story before I even started truly shipping these two: office au, Annie is a heartbreaker. It didn't exactly go like that haha. But I fell in love with the power dynamic (though Mikasa was more "dominant" in some respects wink wonk). 
> 
> I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking with me. I'm sorry about the sad chapter. Next is a short epilogue that will be much much happier so don't despair! Thank you for kudosing and reading and to those extra extra fantastico people for commenting. It means a lot to me when you tyPE IN ALL CAPS OMG really it makes my day. I'm probably as excited for Fridays as you guys are.
> 
> They epilogue may be so short that I'll post it before next Friday. Is that okay? lmaoooo. Also look out for the BRA Trio fic. And then I will dedicate myself to a very wordy Eruri reincarnation au that's been simmering in my brain.
> 
> I love you all. I LOVE YOU! Have a wonderful day and a beautiful life (so dramatic...I'll talk to you when I release the epilogue loool). I hope to meet you all in our own private Bielefelds of our own devising <3


	23. ...In Bielefeld (Epilogue)

_Five Years Later…_

 

Mikasa stepped up to the podium. Dozens of chairs were lined up in front of it, all manner of alcoholics and narcotic addicts sitting in them, waiting for her to speak. She cleared her throat and began.

“It hasn’t been an easy six years to be sober. I’ve lost my dad, I’ve been struggling to support myself, I had a breakup.” She sighed. “But I’ve done alright. I’ve had my friends here and outside of here. I’ve been lucky to keep most of them.” She paused again. “This speech is one of gratitude six years or more in the making. To everyone who has woken up to my phone calls in the dead of night, with me on the line, begging them to keep me sober. Thanks to you all I pulled through. The worst of it is now over. I think I can say that with some confidence. I am not a strong person. I have only gotten here, as someone wise once said, by standing on the shoulders of giants. Maybe that’s not accurate. I’d like to think that I did not inconvenience them by stepping upon them rather than standing with them. It is one of the hardest lessons to learn in AA that you have to bother people, and maybe feel weak for doing it, in order to get help. It’s help you deserve. It’s help your true friends will want to give you. You cannot find the help you need in a bottle or a syringe. We have all tried. And failed. But we can pick ourselves back up and, more importantly, let ourselves be carried. I think that’s all I have to say. Thank you.”

Mikasa accepted the applause and meant to get out of there quickly, but she was waylaid by Jean and Marco.

“Great speech, Mikasa,” Marco said.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah,” Jean said. “Hey, Marco. When do we have to get back to Sophia?”

“The babysitter can last another hour,” Marco said. They had recently adopted a daughter. Mikasa had met her and was intensely reminded of a certain child from her past. She didn’t like the welling of jealousy that moved within her, threatening to swallow her up.

She pulled herself out of such thoughts. “I have an appointment in the city. I’ll see you guys later.”

 

 

She arrived at the tattoo parlor not knowing what to expect. She was searching for ideas for her first tattoo. Something to do with her recovery from alcoholism. The place was called Titan Tattoos. She went inside to find a large foyer, brightly lit and inviting. The walls were covered in tattoo designs. Some French-sounding music was playing, and in the background she heard the sound of a needle whirring. The whole atmosphere was strange yet charming. And then the receptionist looked up from his desk.

“Mikasa?” he said.

She instantly recognized, to her shock, Bertholdt Hoover.

“Bertholdt?” she said.

“Hey,” he said, standing. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah...”

He came over to hug her. The situation was so surreal and sudden that she almost forgot to hug him back.

“Wait here,” he said. He went through a door, and the sound of the needle soon stopped. Reiner Braun soon came into the room.

“Mikasa!” he said, bear-hugging her. “It’s been forever.”

“You own…a tattoo parlor?” she asked, feeling out of the loop.

“Yeah,” Reiner said. “We left soon after…you know.”

Mikasa nodded. She knew.

“Have you talked to her?” Bertholdt asked.

“No.”

“You should,” he said.

“Yeah,” Reiner said. “She’d want to talk to you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“So what can we do for you here?” Reiner asked.

Mikasa shook her head. “I don’t know. I should go,” she said.

“Annie’s number is the same,” Bertholdt said softly, seeming to know what Mikasa needed them. “You should give her a call.”

She nodded hastily and excused herself.

 

 

She had waited three days. Five years was a long time to reintroduce oneself, she thought as she laid on her bed, her phone on her chest. She had navigated to Annie’s contact information. The information she had never allowed herself to delete. She was about to drop off to sleep when her phone began to ring.

She grabbed it off her chest and held it in front of her face. _No fucking way._

Annie Leonhardt Calling, the phone said. Mikasa sat up. And answered.

“Hey, asshole,” a familiar voice said. “Just when were you planning on calling me? It’s been three days since the gays told me they saw you.”

Mikasa couldn’t help but laugh. “Nice introduction, Annie.”

A laugh sounded on the other end. “I’m impatient. You know me.”

“I’m glad you called.”

“I’m glad you answered.”

“Did you want to…get together?”

“Yeah,” Annie said. Mikasa could tell Annie was smiling. “Come to my place tonight? Wear something nice.”

“Y-yeah,” Mikasa said. “Tonight. Okay.” After they hung up Mikasa had a moment of panic. Tonight? It had to be tonight? She raided her closet for something good to wear. Sexy? Should “something nice” be something sexy? She had no idea.

Then she found it: the red scarf she had worn the night they first kissed. She remembered the moment well, how Annie had pulled Mikasa in by the scarf, kissing her passionately. She even found the black sweater she had worn under it. Perfect.

As for underclothes…did she have to worry about that? She didn’t know what this night would entail, but she found something.

 

 

She drove to Annie’s. Every road she took seemed etched into her. After all this time she hadn’t forgotten how to reach the one she loved most. As much as she had tried.

A million thoughts flowed through her mind as she pulled up in Annie’s driveway. Was she right in coming here? Was she right to expect…anything?

A somewhat familiar face peered out at her from the window. Andrew? Five years older, he held the same excited smile on his face as he bounced up and down in his uniquely Andrew way. He ran to the door and rushed out to hug her as she stepped out of her car.

“Andrew!”

“Mikasa!”

“You’re so…”

“Tall?” he said.

“Yes,” she laughed.

“He’s the tallest in his class,” Annie said.

Mikasa started. Annie had so suddenly appeared, materializing at Mikasa’s side.

“Hey,” Annie said.

“Uh, hey.”

Andrew then let Mikasa go and went inside, leaving the two of them alone.

Annie was wearing a white blouse and a black skirt. She looked beautiful, just as Mikasa remembered her.

Annie looked at Mikasa’s outfit. “Isn’t a little warm for…wait. I remember this.” She grabbed Mikasa’s scarf and pulled her in for a long kiss. “I remember this well.”

“Yeah?” Mikasa said a little breathlessly.

“Bert and Reiner are picking up Andrew. Then we can go out.”

“Where are we going?”

“The usual.” That meant the Italian restaurant, Mikasa assumed. Bert and Reiner soon arrived, taking Andrew with them.

They took Annie’s car. Waiting at red lights, Annie took Mikasa’s hand gently in hers. They were quiet, as if disturbing the peace between them would make them come unglued. They arrived at the restaurant, sitting in the booth in the back once more.

“What have you been up to?” Annie asked. “All these years.”

“I’ve been writing,” Mikasa said. “I’m publishing a book of poetry soon. I don’t think anyone will read it.”

“I’ll read it.”

“I know you will. What have you been up to?” Mikasa asked.

“I run a kickboxing place.”

“Really? That’s great.”

“Yeah. My favorite part is teaching the little kids. I’ve even trained Andrew a little bit.”

Mikasa nodded. “He’s grown up so fast.”

“Yeah,” Annie said with a laugh. “You look exactly the same.”

“So do you. Seems like you escaped from Leonhardt Synthetics unscathed.”

“For the most part,” Annie said. “It was nasty for a while.”

“Yeah,” Mikasa said. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? Not your fault,” Annie shrugged.

When their meal was ready, they moved onto happier topics.

“What kind of poetry is it that you’ve written?” Annie asked.

“Love poetry mostly. Lost love poetry.”

“Don’t tell me you mention me by name in this.”

“No,” Mikasa said. “Only by the pronoun she.”

“It’s sapphic?”

“Oh, it’s very sapphic.”

“Good. I love when you get sapphic.”

“Annie…”

“Are you blushing?”

“Maybe…”

Annie laughed and changed the topic. “Have you been going to AA still?”

“Sober six years.”

“Hey, me too.”

“Why?” Mikasa asked, surprised.

“I dunno. I just couldn’t drink knowing you couldn’t. It wasn’t a habit I could pick up again.”

“Oh.”

“I’ve missed you, Mikasa. I feel like I’ve been in stasis all this time. Just waiting for you.”

“Yeah. I feel the exact same way. I haven’t dated or anything.”

“I was forced by Bert and Reiner to go on double dates with them. But no one caught my eye.”

“I almost feel jealous,” Mikasa said.

“Don’t be. There’s no one like you.”

 

 

They went back to Annie’s place, sitting on the same couch they’d sat on five years ago. Annie brushed some of Mikasa’s hair back behind her ear, then, with extreme tenderness, kissed her. Mikasa leaned into the kiss, accepting the warmth Annie radiated.

“Bedroom?” Mikasa asked.

Annie nodded.

In the bedroom, Mikasa and Annie undressed one another.

“Oh my God,” Annie said when she saw Mikasa’s lacy purple bra, the same one from that time in the office. “The nostalgia’s overwhelming,” she said and unhooked it.

They laid on their sides, exploring each other’s bodies as if it was their first time finding each other’s curves and secrets. Mikasa reached a hand down to stimulate Annie, quickly working her up to climax. Annie decided to return the favor with her mouth, kneeling on the floor in front of Mikasa’s open legs. Mikasa tilted her head back and moaned. At one point Annie glanced up at her, those blue eyes calculating exactly what Mikasa needed. Afterwards, they laid in their post-coital sleepiness, Mikasa spooning Annie.

When Mikasa woke the next morning, she thought she was still dreaming. She sat up and looked down at Annie, curled peacefully in sleep. She kissed Annie on the head, then got dressed. Annie stirred, then stretched.

“You’re not leaving, are you?”

“No,” Mikasa said. “Not yet.”

“Lay with me.”

“Okay.”

Mikasa laid back down, her and Annie facing each other. Annie kissed her. Their foreheads touched. The morning light streamed in, warming them. Mikasa didn’t know if this bliss could last. She thought of all that could happen, of all that _did_ happen. But they had come back together again, despite everything. Who could say what the future could bring? Mikasa didn’t know, but she did know one thing.

“I love you.”

Annie smiled sleepily. “You know what? Same.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there it is. I'll be writing the BRA Trio fic now and also my big Eruri reincarnation fic. Thank you all. You've been wonderful. Peace.
> 
> If you want to visit me I changed my tumblr to erurink.tumblr.com
> 
> PS I didn't even write "standing on the shoulders of giants" thinking of how SnK is about man-eating giants. Someone pointed that out to me and I was like...oh oops I'm keeping it XD

**Author's Note:**

> I have 17 chapters written so far so I'll be releasing a new one every Friday :3
> 
> Tumblr is erurink.tumblr.com


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